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Giving my niece confidence

4 replies

auntshell · 05/10/2015 23:15

Hi, I hope someone out there can help me with this. I have 3 beautiful nieces whom I love very much but recently Ive noticed the 2nd oldest one has a lot less confidence than her sisters. It first came to light when she had a school project which we did together but she told me how everyone else was in a pair or in a three but she didn't have anyone because she never asked anyone. She doesn't go out with friends a lot as she's scared if she asks anyone to go out and play they will say no. I just don't know what to do to help her increase her confidence and see herself how I see her as a beautiful, vibrant amazing little girl. If anyone has any tips I would appreciate it.

OP posts:
poppycomeshome · 06/10/2015 10:46

I am watching this thread with interest...

mummytime · 06/10/2015 10:57

Umm you are supposed to: not compliment her looks, not tell her she is clever BUT instead compliment her for hard work and effort and for overcoming difficulties.

But if she has no friends, isn't talking to other children, I would think it it worse than just low confidence. And her parents need to talk to the school, and see what they say, and maybe ask for a Doctor's referral. It sounds as if she at least has anxiety issues.

Seeline · 06/10/2015 11:01

How old is she?

poppycomeshome · 06/10/2015 14:39

The lack of friends is a real worry, even more reserved children have lots of friends. Is she having difficulty actually communicating with other children?

There are confidence coaching schemes you could try, champs academy is one. This might help. Obviously inviting as many children back to your house/outings etc is a must to help her form lasting friendships.
Organise for her to join some after school clubs to help make friends outside of school and have her own hobbies.
Praise and boosting her every day about small things she has achieved as well as the larger ones. Making when she does speak and involve everyone listens around her, so she is drowned out by more confident sisters.
Reward chart for speaking up in class and in general, with prizes for real progress. Talking to the school would help so they can encourage too and keep you updated. Encouraging her to order drinks/dinner when out dining will build confidence. Little things.

I would also check she isn't being bullied, that could possibly be the cause of her lack of confidence AND her apparent lack of friends. The girl you describe is not one that should be lacking friends tbh, she sounds lovely. If she were my dd I would start with why other girls aren't playing/including her. Something is not right there. Speaking to the other parents, tell them what is happening and enlist their support/thoughts on the matter if there isn't a bullying problem.

She clearly has a great family and lots of support, good luck

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