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DD is 12, 5'8" and size 9 feet - hates her size

13 replies

innerturmoil · 13/09/2015 21:43

Hi, so my lovely DD has always been the tallest in her class but has shrugged it off and been ok about it. She has just started year 8 and has had a growth spurt over the summer. She's just got really upset and said how much she hates it. Apparently kids at school say things like: 'oh my god you're so tall,' or 'wow your feet are massive.' She hates standing out at anything, is quite shy but feels other kids and boys judge er based on her looks.
I'm so gutted for her, have always played her size down - she overtook me a year ago, but I can see it's really affecting her and I don't know what to do. Luckily she is very pretty - lovely face, eyes and hair.
Any advice from other mums of tall girls - anything that helped them get through these key years.

OP posts:
RomComPhooey · 13/09/2015 21:50

I was that tall girl and had an early growth spurt. Quite a lot of my peers (girls) caught me up at around 14 or 15, so she may not always feel as tall and unusual. The main thing that bothered me at that age was how difficult it was finding young, fashionable clothes and shoes in larger/longer sizes so that I didn't stand out from my friends so much. How I wish the internet had existed when I was a teenager! I would reassure her by saying she is unlikely to always be the tallest.

Also, now I have children and often split up from DH (tall too) in the shops or at events, it's really easy finding one another in a crowd. And large shoe sizes, when they are available either split between selling out really fast or there being lots left in the sales when all the nice ones in a size 6 sold out at the start of the sales. Sometimes there is a silver lining.

RomComPhooey · 13/09/2015 21:51

Oh yes, big feet are good for swimming - see Ian Thorpe, Aussie Olympic swimmer.

EllaMenoPea · 13/09/2015 22:03

I too was that child and like PP have said everyone else had their growth spurt around 14/15 and I was pretty average in comparison by then.

I was, unfortunately, very self conscious and like your DD hated standing out.

Would it help to show her any of the current celebrity 'It' crowd. Cara Delavigne, Kendall Jenner, Taylor Swift etc. all models, all over 5'8. The taller the better in that world! I remember my Mum pointing that out to me and it helped.

I can already see my DD being tall and now I'm an adult I can see that it can be really desired and I love my height, I hope I can show this to DD as she grows up.

PermetsTu · 13/09/2015 22:05

My SIL was 10 when I met DH and she was taller than me already at around 5ft 6". She hasn't grown at such a remarkable rate as she did during early puberty (she's 27 now!) but is still above average height, though not remarkably tall compared to other women. I think she's 5ft 9". She does have size 13 feet through and has had since she was a young teenager.

She is absolutely stunning. Tall, amazonian and just beautiful. She hated her height as a teenager and it wasn't until college that she started to embrace it.

I remember my friend from school who was easily the tallest in our year, always hunching over and seeming really uncomfortable with her height. Now at 34 she's bloody beautiful. Tall, proud and really does look wonderful.

Hopefully, she'll accept it more as she gets older. I guess there's always something that could stand out as different about any of us and learning to accept it is part of growing up.

RomComPhooey · 13/09/2015 22:06

I have boys, so I won't have self conscious girls but I can already see many years of specialist shoe suppliers stretching ahead of me - DS2 has big feet and he's only 7.

I have to say, there are far more companies doing large shoes than there used to be, from budget (New Look) right up to the expensive brands. It was a lot worse having giant feet in the 80s.

Mitzi50 · 13/09/2015 22:15

DD is 5'10 with 36" legs and size 8 feet. She's always been the tallest amongst her friends and used to be really self-conscious but she's learnt to "own" it. She hates the problems she has finding clothes and shoes but is now sufficiently confident to wear heels when she goes out and is happy to be noticed.

Encourage your DD to stand tall (literally) - there are benefits and it is less unusual than it was. DD used to think she'd never get a boyfriend but the boys grew taller as she got older and it's never been a problem.

Passthecake30 · 13/09/2015 22:15

I am tall...called all sorts of names throughout my school years Sad. Turns out that it was all jealousy as when the girls reached 17/18 they were obviously more mature and started to say that they wished they were like me, I could be a model etc etc.

I would show her lots of tall role models (not all models!) and maybe get her to try netball/basketball- height is an advantage! Or self defence, karate helped my confidence no end.

I think having a positive role model is good, my mum is 5ft 10 (I'm 6ft) but she never said anything positive. My kids are desperate to be tall like me Grin

RomComPhooey · 13/09/2015 22:17

DD used to think she'd never get a boyfriend but the boys grew taller as she got older and it's never been a problem.

That's true - the boys take longer to catch up than the girls, but it does eventually even out.

MrsHooolie · 13/09/2015 22:22

I'm 5ft 9 with size 8 feet.
But,I didn't grow a lot until about 15 so no advice on coping at school.
However,now I'm an adult I love being tall. And it's much easier buying bigger shoes now compared to when I was a teenager.
I worked in a school recently and all the 14 year old boys were taller than me!
Best wishes to you and your daughter.

innerturmoil · 14/09/2015 10:01

Well I've just sent her off to school and she's being brave and cheerful. I've told her to thank people that mention her size (not sarcastically) as if they are giving her a compliment.

I also put a little note in her lunchbox telling her she is beautiful. I will think about tall role models to talk about with her later. At the moment though it's really all about what she is going through right now and I just don't want her to hate herself.

OP posts:
Mitzi50 · 14/09/2015 18:59

I think the role models are important - DD was delighted when she googled models with large feet - Paris Hilton and Elle McPherson are something like a U.S. Size 11 which is UK 9. Obviously models are all tall.

She also had stock responses for people's comments about her height. It is tough when you're a developing teenager and would just rather merge into the crowd.

RomComPhooey · 14/09/2015 19:18

Isn't Famke Janssen (actress) tall? Uma Thurman too, I think. The international movie database ( is your friend in this regard, as actor/esses heights are usually given in their bio details. Nicole Kidman is another.

When I was a tall teenager and a bit fond of cake, my Dad used to say: "you may be tall, but you need to keep an eye on your weight - you don't want to end up like Annie*" - she was a family friend, about 6 feet tall and a little bit plump around the middle. I used to laugh because she was fucking awesome - the woman was a badass Amazonian with real confidence, a ready laugh and a generosity of spirit I wish my parents had. I guess my point is that it helps to have real life role models too and - if you have tall female friends IRL - they would probably be willing to talk to your daughter about the positives and how they grew into it.

Passthecake30 · 14/09/2015 19:24

There used to be some good quotes on the tall girls clothing website, not checked for a while though. ..

Also make sure her clothes fit, ankles flashing out of to short jeans didn't help me!

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