Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Flip

Original poster

10 year old in after curfew

25 replies

Needaglassofwinedotcom · 12/09/2015 20:43

What woukd you do. He is normally on time, he's been given 30 mins extra out tonight and is now 15 mins beyond that. Would you tell him to be in 15 mins earlier the next night?

OP posts:

BYOSnowman · 12/09/2015 20:46

He wouldn't be going out at all the next night

Original poster

Needaglassofwinedotcom · 12/09/2015 20:48

I did think about grounding but thought that maybe too harsh

OP posts:

WickedWax · 12/09/2015 20:48

He'd be staying in for the rest of the weekend.

Original poster

Needaglassofwinedotcom · 12/09/2015 20:49

Pressed post too soon, especially with it being Sun tomorrow - will have to ground him for the day

OP posts:

Original poster

Needaglassofwinedotcom · 12/09/2015 20:49

Thanks all

OP posts:

anorakgirl · 12/09/2015 20:50

He would be staying in as he had broken my trust. But a 10 year old still out now?

MissMillament · 12/09/2015 20:51

8.30 is a pretty late curfew for a 10 year old in my book. I would definitely ground him for the day tomorrow. Is he back yet? What was his explanation for breaking curfew?

Original poster

Needaglassofwinedotcom · 12/09/2015 20:52

Would you ground without screentime?

OP posts:

patterkiller · 12/09/2015 20:53

Never give a punishment that is worse for you than your DC. Having him stay in will be hell, give him a god awful chore to do every day this week before he's allowed out. Everyone wins. Sock sorting and bin emptying work here.

CocktailQueen · 12/09/2015 20:57

My dd is nearly 12 and she's never been out by herself in an evening. 10yo seems vv young for such a late curfew. It's dark out, Ffs! Where is he? How do you know he's safe?

I'd reconsider how much I could trust him. I'd ground him and give him some chores to do round the house. And then still reconsider the curfew. What's he doing out till now?

Lweji · 12/09/2015 20:58

I assume you know he is safe.

MissMillament · 12/09/2015 21:03

Yes, totally ground without screen time. I really disagree with the pp on the more awful for you approach. Setting boundaries is really important and sometimes you need to take short term pain for long term gain. 10 is really young to learn that your Mum's boundaries are very elastic. I would really reconsider OP, why he needs to be out and about that late. Obviously, if he is doing some specific activity or visiting a friend's house that is different, but do you know what he is actually doing?

Original poster

Needaglassofwinedotcom · 12/09/2015 21:09

He's with his brother playing football so I know he's ok. He's back as I've been to get him

OP posts:

ShooBeeDooBeeDoo · 12/09/2015 21:09

Ground without screen time.

Is he back yet?

I think I'm an old fogey. My 10 year old ds has been in bed for almost an hour (but he's been playing in a football tournament all day)

BYOSnowman · 12/09/2015 21:11

If he doesn't abide by the curfew he isn't responsible enough to be out on his own.

If all you do is change the time then he will just laugh and ignore the curfew tomorrow.

Do you really let him stay out every night until 8pm?

Lweji · 12/09/2015 21:13

You say he's normally on time, so I'd actually just give a warning that next time he would be grounded. And an explanation of why it was important to be on time.

Original poster

Needaglassofwinedotcom · 12/09/2015 21:15

He says he thought I'd said 9 - er no 9 was never mentioned. He usually has to be near the house at 7.30, in at 8. It seems usual, if not earlier, than other kids on the estate.

I've told him his curfew is now 7.30 and I'll let him know my decision tomorrow about tonight

OP posts:

MissMillament · 12/09/2015 21:15

How old is his brother? Do they have different curfew times? Perhaps you need to be clear on that with them and why it is important that the younger one sticks to his.

MissMillament · 12/09/2015 21:16

Ah the thought you said defence... I have had that one a few times! I think making the curfew earlier until he can prove he can be trusted is a great idea.

Lweji · 12/09/2015 21:20

I think the change in curfew time should be enough.
He was where you expected him to be and just late. Not good that he lied (apparently), and an earlier curfew works until he shows you can trust him to keep to a time.

I really think it's minor and I'd insist on being worried, or messing up dinner times or something.

steppemum · 12/09/2015 21:30

we have a constant rule - break curfew and you are grounded next day. Kids know and so there is no arguing over consequence.

Original poster

Needaglassofwinedotcom · 12/09/2015 21:30

His brother is 15 and hmmm should be in now but isn't, but thats another issue

OP posts:

MissMillament · 12/09/2015 21:41

Well to be fair, if you ground one for breaking curfew you will have to apply the same sanction to the other. Why is it a different story?

Lweji · 12/09/2015 21:42

I wonder how responsible he is for the 10 year old being late...

Original poster

Needaglassofwinedotcom · 12/09/2015 23:43

MissM exactly!

Lweji - maybe ....

They are both my dss as well, hubby away and incommunicado so I have full responsibility:/

OP posts:

Flip