My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Preteens

9 year old girl being asked out by boy at school and generally bothered by him

21 replies

ejbab · 04/09/2015 09:21

A boy in DD's class is a bit of a ladies man. He's already been on a 'date' with one of the girls in their class, and has now turned his attentions to my DD. It follows the usual pattern of him constantly ribbing her that she 'likes' him and doing silly love heart icons with his hands, to which my very unimpressed (and very cross about it) DD does the same gesture but then separates and scrunches up her hands and makes a face at him and says no, she doesn't like him and anyway she doesn't go out on dates because she's nine. So far, so normal, I guess, but today it escalated a bit and when she got asked out again and she said no, the boy got really cross and thumped DD and her friend on the back with a steel water bottle. They told on him, but didn't go into details with the teacher and he was put in time out for a little while. After school she was really furious about it and had a little cry and said how fed up she was with the constant attention. Normally she'd be fine figuring out this kind of school drama by herself, and I'm sure she can handle it, but part of me just thinks, FFS, why the hell should she put up with this kind of crap - already! - and I want to go to the teacher and ask her to have a word about this kind of behaviour. What do you reckon?

OP posts:
Report
ArcheryAnnie · 04/09/2015 09:38

I think you are entirely reasonable to want to have a chat with the teacher, if it's not being properly addressed already. Your daughter should not have to deal with this in school or anywhere, at any age, and this lad needs to learn that no means no.

Report
Gileswithachainsaw · 04/09/2015 09:44

of course speak to the teacher.

no one should have to put up with that crap. not something a girl should have to learn to suck up. agree with Pp who said boy needs to learn no means no and to have some respect

Report
MischiefInTheWind · 04/09/2015 09:47

alk to the teacher, I've often had whole class discussions on boundaries, respect and appropriate social interactions. It's not unusual for children to need a bit of clear guidance on it, how else will the majority learn?
No, she shouldn't have to put up with it.

Report
ejbab · 04/09/2015 09:59

Thanks all, couldn't agree more and glad my initial reaction wasn't off the mark.

OP posts:
Report
Gileswithachainsaw · 04/09/2015 10:02

Good luck.

don't be fobbed off with "boys being boys" kind of crap either. I'm sure no MNetter would stand that kind of behaviour from their sons.

:) well done for taking the stand

Report
Gileswithachainsaw · 04/09/2015 10:04

And of course it wouldn't be acceptable from girls either. no one should have to put up with it from anyone .

Report
ejbab · 04/09/2015 10:12

Thanks Gileswithachainsaw - totally agree on all fronts

OP posts:
Report
Gileswithachainsaw · 04/09/2015 10:16

I'm staggered at how young it's started Sad my dd is 9. the idea she has this to come....

I at least didn't have to put up with this till secondary. back then you just put up with it. it seemed the norm to have a boy or two in the class who did the "asking everyone out" thing.

I do hope it's something schools take a bit more seriously now.and parents.

Report
ejbab · 04/09/2015 10:25

It's hideous isn't it? Although I do remember a lot of kiss chase when I was a kid and one boy who always bothered me telling me aged eight whether or not I 'loved' him. He said if I said no, he'd tell everyone I said yes and of course if I said yes, he'd tell everyone too. I remember hiding in a corner of the playground crying and panicking and then just telling him day after day that 'i hadn't decided yet' to put him off. So sad. I had no idea that I could just tell him to bugger off and leave me along. I did end up kneeing him in the balls one day and that was pretty much that, though. Grin

OP posts:
Report
ejbab · 04/09/2015 10:26

*asking me not telling me whether or not I 'loved' him

OP posts:
Report
Gileswithachainsaw · 04/09/2015 10:29

Well I don't advocate violence but good for you Grin

least back in our day we didn't have phones or face book.

it's going to be much harder to keep tabs on these situations now. I see the kids on the buses texting away.

Report
ejbab · 04/09/2015 10:35

I just had a brilliant conversation with DD (it's bedtime here), she was saying how angry she is and how 'it's not the seventies when girls weren't actually even allowed to say no, mummy'! Ha, I've taught her well.

When the time comes she's having an old Nokia....

OP posts:
Report
ejbab · 04/09/2015 10:36

So no instagram/ snapchat etc. or am I dreaming?

OP posts:
Report
Gileswithachainsaw · 04/09/2015 10:37

your dreaming I'm afraid. those phones will likely be in a museum soon Grin

good for your dd

Report
RachelZoe · 04/09/2015 12:09

He sounds awful, the pressurizing her into "admitting" that she likes him instead of just telling her that he likes her, the way too mature behavior, the hitting. Yuck. If one of my boys (both genders can do that obviously but I only have boys) had behaved like that I would have lost my shit.

Definitely have a word with the teacher, it's not ok and all sounds very grown up for 9, makes me think he's learning that bullshit somewhere. Sounds like you're doing a great job with DD, hope she's alright!

Report
MischiefInTheWind · 04/09/2015 12:16

No, he sounds like one of dozens of 9 year old boys that I've encountered over the years as a teacher. Not abnormal or overly-sexualised. Not 'a ladies' man' but a child. Someone who needs an adult to show him what's accepable and the consequences of crossing the line, and a wise girl who knows that you don't put up with unacceptable behaviour that makes you uncomfortable.
You did a good job with her, OP. Let's hope her attitude continues through puberty and into adulthood.

Report
Vernonon · 06/09/2015 12:47

I despair about all this. My dd has a class where four of the boys are showing sexually inappropriate behaviour - one exposed himself, three climbed up to watch dd get undressed at swimming, one asked her if she was having sex and said he was, one is constantly trying to kiss and lick the girls in the class. She's 8. What infuriates me is how pathetic the teachers are at dealing with it - no sanctions, just endless chats and understanding. Our girls are learning to put up with it and aren't even telling on the boys anymore because nobody does anything - I actually think it's worse than the 70s when at least we had strict teachers.

Report
ejbab · 06/09/2015 23:15

That's awful Vernanon - I'd be furious if things were that bad with my dd.

OP posts:
Report
JustDanceAddict · 07/09/2015 09:44

Def talk to the teacher, he needs to be told this is not on & if he can't respect girls now he may become a very unpleasant teen.

Report
iamEarthymama · 07/09/2015 09:48

Vernonon please contact the governors and your local authority
That is dreadful
OP, yr DD is fab xx

Report
Vernonon · 07/09/2015 17:06

Thank you! Am in regular contact with the head and will be talking to the new teacher so you knows exactly what has been happening. I think it's dreadful but tbh I don't think schools do. Someone I know just pulled her dd out of another school when a boy out his hand in her pants - head says it's one kid's word against another. Shock My basic strategy is to keep reporting, getting everything logged, teaching my dd much better assertion skills, and making the teachers engage with the message they are giving out to the girls (namely that it's not such a big deal).

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.