Leaving children at home alone

[Ihavenobrain]

Would it be unreasonable to leave an 11 yo and an 8 yo to go to the very local shop for half hour?

No, I leave a 10 year old and an 8 year old for similar times and they are fine. I usually save up their screen time for this very moment in the day and magically they don't move an inch while I am gone!!

Of course its absolutely fine, and in fact something people should do from time to time as past of helping children grow up (unless there is a good reason not to in a specific family obviously).

However a couple of people who have illogical bees in their bonnet about the topic will doubtless be along to tell you it is Neglect and Bad and Illegal and Social Services will be "Very Interested" and other such nonsense if you leave any child under 16 alone for even a second, especially if they are (horror of horrors) with that dreadful harbinger of doom - a sibling!

Haha
Thank you guys. Right I'm off then

No, BUT it depends on the children.
Mine 2 are 12 and 9 and I've left them in this sort of situation and longer for at least a year.
Agree they just play on the pc or ipad and barely move.
I leave either of them alone now as well.
However if you know the children fight a lot then it might not be worth the risk.

No, mine are the same age and we don't leave them alone.

Both dds are very responsible and easy going, but we still think they are quite young to be completely left alone especially the 8yr old. We plan to wait until the children are teenagers and we are absolutely sure they can handle any emergency.

Nurnoch it is not 'illogical' to care about your child's welfare.

Neglect is an interesting word, as you no one will deem you neglectful until something goes wrong when they are alone and then there will be hell to pay of course. But who cares what other parents think? I certainly don't. I follow my own instincts and judgements.

It's an interesting one. I know there is an element of risk in leaving them unsupervised even for 30 mins. But managing risk is a part of life. I also think it is good for children to learn to be independent. Beyond a certain age if you don't allow them any independence I think you run the risk of instilling fear unnecessarily. You are then unconsciously implying that you think they may not cope. I can see that you might want to be more cautious with the 8 year old, but an 11 year old who is never allowed to be independent may rebel, or go the other way and lack self-confidence.

Chassing leaving your children for a year may well be neglect

In your situation I would send them to the local shop and stay at home myself. If you are not happy with giving them this level of responsibility outside your home then that probably answers the AIBU about leaving them home alone.

sounds a good idea

I leave my 11 and 8 year old together, for short periods and they're happy enough. Both responsible girls, have a phone can contact me... And as a previous poster said, they don't actually move from their iPads!

And yes, there's always someone who comes along to tell you you are putting your children at risk, and social services will not be happy. But while it is a risk but I'm confident with that risk. I also think the risk is not one sided... I teach older students and see so many that are so molly coddled, they're not fully equipped to deal with the world, and there's lots of research going on at the moment about the psychological effects the lack of freedom has on British children and teens (particularly compared to their European counterparts who have greater freedom than our children). In light of both risks I'm happy with my choice to leave my children home alone. They're responsible and mature.

Oh and before I left my girls, I did ask my social worker friend who said the measures I had taken to ensure their safety whilst out (phones, neighbour to contact, rules established etc) meant Social Services would be happy that I had managed that risk.

But equally, it will depend on the maturity of your children... Not all children are ready yet. Varies child to child.

Sally exactly - neglect is an emotive word that some people misuse to try to make anyone who disagrees with them sound like a bad or irresponsible person. The same mindset takes paranoia and labels it caring - people who care about their children teach them life skills and allow them independence very gradually in tiny increasing steps - like letting them stay home alone for half an hour.

People who don't let their children out of their sight at 11 are usually thinking more of their own peace of mind than what is right for the children. (special needs/ circumstances excluded of course, not all children are identical etc.)

Yes children this age should be able to go to the shop alone if it is a short walk away of course - they should be doing that from time to time too.

My 11yo goes to the shop and further but not the 8yo. I wouldn't allow the 11yo to take the 8yo either. I don't agree that my 11yo should be solely responsible for the 8yo.
Got back and they were still in exactly the same position!

Yes ive always thought it odd that kids are allowed out and about at a young age, but home alone a big no no .... more chance of being hit be a car for no common sense dS. at home the major risk is him being electrocuted by his xbox.

No I wouldn't, if something happened it would be too much pressure on the 11 year old to feel responsible for the 8yo.

Kitella you sound eminently sensible - I also used to teach secondary in the UK and some of the year 7s (and older) were so ill equipped life skill wise.

Some had also been treated like 5 year olds all through primary then suddenly given almost total freedom and responsibility to get themselves to and from school by public bus and go home to an empty house at 11. those are perfectly reasonable things for an 11 year old to be able to do, but not without gradually building up to it in the months and years previous, supported by parents who ensure they have the knowledge and skills needed!

So many young teens also had no road awareness and would just step out into traffic, having only crossed roads with a parent before suddenly embarking on a fairly long walk to school crossing and walking alongside busy roads at a randomly chosen age - start of year 7 or age 14 or whatever their parent decided.

Some people seem to have forgotten that you have to build up skills gradually over many years (and not only by telling children things or doing things with them - though of course that comes first - but also by letting them get used to taking responsibility themselves, which never fully occurs while they know a parent is right behind them to step in) not keep children coddled and waited on then suddenly expect them to have independence skills upon hitting a certain birthday.

Lol. Yes I think leaving them on their own for a year would be neglect!

I've left my 10.5 and 6.5 year olds for 10 minutes while I've popped to she shop up the road. I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving them any longer at that age. It depends on the child I suppose my 10 year old is sensible to a fault.

So glad to hear some sensible views on this. I occasionally leave my nine year old for very short periods but I feel like everyone else bundles the whole family into the car just to go to the local shop or whatever. It's not like car journeys are risk free though

Dh was shocked that I had left the back door unlocked though. My rationale was easy exit in case of a fire. Should I have locked the door though with a lone nine year old in the house?

I always lock the front but leave the backdoor open in case they need to get out.

Every time I've done it - probably about 5 times - I've got back and they've been sitting in exactly the same position watching stampy long nose!

Think this might depend where you live. I don't leave my back door unlocked if I am at home, let alone the DC.

Everyone here leaves children of this age home alone for short periods, telling people about some British parents attitudes to it is a good way to get their jaws to hit the flaw and make them think the UK must be up there with Afghanistan and Syria on the dangerous and unpleasant places to bring up kids list...

I would never lock my kids in - danger of not being able to get out in very unlikely case of spontaneously combusting television infinitely higher than danger of scary axe murderer paedophile childcatcher getting in... both risks very very very very low.

My German husband and most of my kids' friends parents think I'm a bit on the over protective side btw. 10 year old DD's friend's mum was surprised I bothered asking if it was ok if I left her dd and mine at our house alone while I took ds1 to football training, and laughed and pointed out of course, they're 10 not 4... (I knew she'd agree but MNing has me still routed in a mindset that had to ask).

methe I do the same lock the front and leave the back door open. half the time my 9yo DD has only moved to select the next minecraft video on YouTube

It depends so much on the child - my DC3 has always been a bit of a worrier and has no street-sense whatsoever. He wasn't left home alone till he was a much older age than the others - in fact it wasn't until DC4 was old enough to be left alone that I relaxed about DC3, on the basis that I knew DC4 would cope in an emergency. I've always locked all doors, but with visible, accessible keys.