Hi,
My DD11 is struggling with the growing up body change side of things. She has known all about puberty, periods etc for a long time. However she has always been adamant she does not want to grow boobs (I told her she has no choice in matter as her body will do what it does). She does not really like talking about and admitted she does not want her body to change.
Compared to a lot of 11yr olds she is lucky in that she has no spots and clear skin apart from a couple of subtle blackheads. She has been using Simple face wash every day. She has no sign of any hair anywhere (none on arms or bits, well she hasn't said anything and she is usually open about it). Her legs are hairy and asked for removal cream but I refused because the hair are so fair you cannot see them at all. Told her it will grow back darker so she should leave as long as possible before doing down that route.
She gets more embarrassed in front of me now although she is happy to walk around with a tshirt on and be comfortable showing her bottom half off if she has just got out shower but she does not like me to see upper half. She never walks around naked and always wears knickers in bed - as my mum said, you need to get air to it but she hates feeling of no underwear.
She has a real phobia about getting boobs and it is getting a bit of a battle with us as I am slightly frustrated as don't know how to deal with it. She has had some body issues lately. Overall if you saw her from the back she is of slim building, no hips, long legs. But front wise she does have a tum on her which she hates. She has always had wide back/chest like I did at that age. Surprisingly she did not really have much in the boob area so has got away with not wearing any kind of crop top, despite the fact most of her friends are wearing them, some who are flat as a pancake. She says if she wore a bra her boobs would look bigger because her friends look like that, and she doesn't want to.
However, a couple of months ago, I noticed that the boob area on DD was much more noticeable under school blouse and tops. Talking to her was a nightmare because she would not entertain. However about 2 months ago I had to be stern and sit her down. I did my best to explain that it doesn't look nice or flattering and that just wearing a simple crop top would look better, plus help her to get used to eventually wearing a bra. World War 2 broke out with her screaming she does not want to wear anything because everyone will say something, that it will draw attention to her, that she doesn't want boobs and that she doesn't care if she her boobs grow droopy, she would rather they were droopy than pert!!!! She scrutinised herself in the mirror for an hour before reluctantly conceding that yes you could see boobage and that it did not look very good with no under garment. I explained that boobs need support from a growth point of view but that still didn't cut the mustard. In end I had to say she either starts to wear a crop top or I would take her to the doctor for a talk about boob growth. Not the way I wanted it to go but thankfully the embarrassment of being dragged to doctors won and we found some suitable crop tops for her to wear and she now says she feels uncomfortable without them.
In the last 3 weeks, I have yet again noticed some more growth in the boob area and in some tops, the crop tops are not really covering it. I always told her that when she starts Y7 in September she will have to wear a proper bra but she is adamant the answer is no. I don't know what to do - if she has grown more in chest in 3 weeks, by the end of the summer she will grow more. I have one first bra from Matalan but she took one look and was like NO NO NO. It is not a case of me forcing her, it is a case that she needs to start wearing proper support. I don't want to get into another screaming match or force her but what else can I do? She won't even discuss it with my mum (who she often turns to sometimes) so I don't know how best to approach it? I have tried the calm approach, the necessary (ie growth, support etc) talk, the shouting match and none seem to make her budge. She resolutely does not want boys looking at the chest area and to her, wearing a bra = boys looking! I have explained nipples will show if not wearing correct bra which makes boys look, saying bras stop that showing. Crop tops will not stop nips showing when cold but nope, she still won't hear it. I would rather she started wearing a proper bra now so by end of summer hols, she will feel comfy in them going into Y7. I would have summer hols are perfect time to practice wearing a first bra.
I do know it was a battle with me at that age although I just did not want fancy bras, rather than no bras. I do remember my poor mum searching high and low for plain bras and not being able to find any - I was adamant I was going to wear any kind of pattern, colour or lacy bras as a pre teen lol.
Any help appreciated !!