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How involved are you in you DCs friendships and social life?

5 replies

shebird · 20/06/2015 09:57

I just wondered how much involvement you have in organising your DCs friendships and social life as they get older. When the DCs were very little, play dates were mostly driven by me,always conscious of making sure no friend was left out or offended and always trying to please others. Now that they are older I do less of this and things are less organised, often more spontaneous, and more led by DD.

The trouble is one of the girls in DDs circle is very sensitive and takes big offence to not being included in everything. She is worried about being popular and if she's not involved she thinks no one likes her and that she has been excluded on purpose. It doesn't help when things that happen at the last mintue, like a sleepover,that might appear to others to have been very planned. I feel like I am always explaining myself to her mum. DD is not at all bothered when her friends see other friends without her, she is just a very easy going character and being popular does not occur to her at all.

I hate the idea of any child feeling upset or feeling excluded but at the same time, at this age I'm not sure that I should interfere in DDs friendships or make plans on her behalf to please others. I am trying to see both sides here. Do I step in and organise all inclusive events or do I just let DD decide?

OP posts:
ragged · 21/06/2015 20:27

Keep out. :)

ragged · 21/06/2015 20:28

you can remind your Dd of the principles of good friendship, to think of others' feelings, to treat others as you would like to be treated, etc. But mostly keep out. :)

SirChenjin · 21/06/2015 20:30

Keep out to a large extent - but as ragged says, remind her that it's important to consider other people's feelings too. If that girl is regularly being left out of 'last minute things' then I would step in - it's very hurtful if you feel that you're the only one not being included in these events

shebird · 21/06/2015 22:36

Yes my instinct is to keep out but keep a close eye on things. I do often remind DD to think of others and to think of things from the point of view of others. The trouble is she is very laid back and certain things dont bother her at the moment e.g being popular, so it doesnt occur to her that this might bother someone else. I like that she is happy and I'm wary of making her an anxious people pleaser like me treading on eggshells in fear of offending anyone.

OP posts:
Heartofgold25 · 22/06/2015 10:29

Keep out generally speaking, but I would always drop the mother of sensitive child a quick text if we are doing last minute things, so they feel they are in the loop. I don't think there is any chance of you making your child a people pleaser simply by being considerate, but it might save some hurt feelings along the way if your spontaneous moments are truly inclusive. I would not feel any obligation to invite everyone to everything though.

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