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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

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Original poster

7 year old DD in tears after Grade 2 cello exam?

13 replies

Alexaa · 12/05/2015 16:42

My DD just did her Grade 2 cello and is in tears, curled up on my lap sobbing her eyes out. We have tried everything we can think of. Distraction, comforting and reassurance. Nothing is working. She held it together throughout the exam and but after we got home and properly ask her who it went, she burst into tears. She says it went awfully but her teacher said the pieces were fine but he left after that (she then had technical exercises and a study) so he didn't hear the rest. I have heard her practise wonderfully but I know from experience that things can go wrong on the day. What can I do or say that will make her feel better?

OP posts:

rubyslippers · 12/05/2015 16:48

She's a very young child

Let her cuddle you / maybe it's too high pressured for her to be doing exams at such a young age?

Surely it should be enjoyable and not stressy?

ltk · 12/05/2015 16:51

My 7yo has been taking violin lessons for 2 years and is doing well. I would not put her into a grading exam. She is too young to have someone judging her performance, in my opinion.

3littlefrogs · 12/05/2015 16:55

Why not just let her enjoy playing the instrument - then she can go straight to grades 3 and 4 when she is older and ready.

DD went straight to grade 3 when she was ready. No problems.

Playing an instrument should be fun. It shouldn't be a source of anxiety and stress.

singlikethepianoMargot · 12/05/2015 16:59

Personally i think she is just too young for grading exams. Why pile on pressure? She obviously isn't ready. Just let her enjoy playing, she is obviously doing well to be at grade 2 level but not emotionally ready for the pressure of exams.

claraschu · 12/05/2015 17:00

Tell her that exams are a load of crap: unnecessary and absolutely nothing to do with music. Tell her that the only reason to do them is if they are truly useful to her and give her a helpful goal and a focus.

In my opinion a real concert is a much better goal at any age.

Original poster

Alexaa · 12/05/2015 17:41

I understand that many of you may feel she is very young, but her teacher suggested that she did it. She was fine in her grade 3 piano earlier this year and she has been playing the cello since she was four so teacher thought she was ready. Her instruments don't usually cause stress and she loves performing for the whole family (I have three brothers and seven nieces and nephews so is quite big). I just want to temporarily calm her down so I can work out what to do from there.

OP posts:

ltk · 12/05/2015 17:59

Possibly her teacher was wrong and she was not ready, at least not emotionally. Stop with the gradings and just let her play the cello for the enjoyment of it.

Dancergirl · 13/05/2015 23:05

Teachers do often tend to push children into doing grades, it's good for their credibility.

OP, sorry to have to say this but I think its a case of too much too soon. Grade 3 on any instrument at age 7 is quite unusual and to play another instrument as well is a lot of work.

What you can do? Talk to her about how you can make music fun again. Maybe she could drop one instrument for a while. Lay off the exams. There is a world of difference between playing informally for family and doing an exam. You sound quite keen for her to progress if you don't mind me saying.

ReallyTired · 13/05/2015 23:14

Ds went to pieces in his grade 3 exam. He did really well at his pieces and sight reading, but had a panic attack with his scales and aural. He still managed to pass inspite of not being even attempting his scales and getting a very low score for his aural. Ds guitar teacher has decided that ds will learn the grade 4 pieces, but not do the exam. He will do the grade 5 exam.

Fleurdelise · 14/05/2015 08:27

Alexaa did she actually say what went wrong? Maybe the examiner was not very pleasant, a bit abrupt or not smiling?

Dd (also 7) loves the exams and came out of the piano exam telling us how nice the examiner was and even though he was not suppose to give anything away he did tell dd she was correct in answering the aural part of it.

Some examiners may not be able to put a child that young at ease.

ReallyTired · 14/05/2015 12:26

It's an agonising two week wait for the results. The op daughter might have done better than she thought.

Original poster

Alexaa · 22/05/2015 07:40

Sorry I haven't updated- I know it's a little rude of me seeing that you've all been so lovely. She said the study went terribly, but at home it sounded beautiful so I imagine she just thought she did badly or had a bad day. She has her lesson tonight, Trinity exam period is over so should find out soon as luckily that board give out results to their teachers and isn't two weeks like ABRSM- fingers crossed that she passed!

OP posts:

Blinkinwinkin · 05/06/2015 23:15

It really doesn't matter if she passes or not. What matters is that she came away in such a distressed state, to the point that she could not be consoled. Just tell her she did brilliantly and passed .

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