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Ds (9) friendships and how to help

5 replies

Jaded2004 · 08/04/2015 03:07

There are various issues. I strongly believe that DS is autistic (quite high functioning) but I'm having problems getting anyone to witness his behaviours other than close family and friends.
He usually has one friend he plays with at school but I have been told he is widening his circle slowly.
On Monday I took him to cub camp, he's been going to the same group for around two years now. When we got there there were lots of his group all standing casually chatting. Ds went and stood near them for quite some time but not one of them said hello or even seemed to acknowledge him. I watched this for around ten minutes and then called ds over under some pretence. I asked him if any of his friends were there and he said yes so I said that he could always say hello to them if they don't say hi first but I was then to I could leave. I said bye and went to the car where I was sat for around 5 minutes sorting sat nav. When I pulled away he'd got his book out and was sat on his own. It broke my heart ð??? he was so excited to go and it was so awkward and I know he must have felt left out and different while he sat reading his book. He's so often overlooked by other children and adults, he never complains and he does try. He has friends to play occasionally and I've had to pull him up a couple of times but I'm consistently told he behaves well by the school and friends parents. He separates his life into compartments which makes it difficult to know how he's always behaving. I'm sure that he will be having a great time but that whole thing has really stayed with me... His little face trying to look engrossed in his book when he couldn't figure out how to interact broke my heart. Any advice on how I can help him will be so gratefully received.

OP posts:
Jaded2004 · 08/04/2015 03:08

Also the cub group have made it very clear we can't call or text to check up Confused

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18yearstooold · 09/04/2015 10:47

Does he seem unhappy? Some people do only like to have 1 or 2 friends or spend time by themselves

The no phoning is standard on camp and the cub leaders won't let him sit out for long -there is far too much to do

Jaded2004 · 09/04/2015 11:39

Hi 18, generally he's struggling and there's been some massive upheavals over the past couple of months. He doesn't really understand how he feels a lot of the time or at least why he feels like he does. He often tells me he feels sad but doesn't know why :-(. I pick him up tomorrow and I'm sure he will have got on ok but I want to try and help him a bit with things. It's so difficult as in getting a diagnosis that will help me to help him ifyswim

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18yearstooold · 09/04/2015 14:09

Having spent 5 years fighting for a diagnosis for my aspie daughter I know exactly what you mean

Friendships in the later primary years were tough -she didn't get the nuances and couldn't be bothered with them

All changed at high school though -she found the geeks her words not mine

They go out but are equally content to sit in a room with each other, reading but not interacting -it's a different type of friendship which I don't understand but they seem happy enough

9-11 was tough though

Jaded2004 · 10/04/2015 21:49

18years it's nice to know that things got better friends wise.
I know that he is autistic, it seems so obvious but no one seems to want to take the bull by the horns so to speak. It's so frustrating I just want to help him.

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