Need Help with DS - Almost 12

[MyNameIsASACshraderAndYouCanGo]

I really am at the end of my tether with DS. He is SO lazy and just seems immune to learning a lesson.
Every time he half-does a job (which is every time he is given one) the consequence is that the work then doubles.

His job around the house is to dry the dishes and wipe the worktops down. He'll dry half the dishes and not even touch the sides. So then he has to sweep the floor as well. But then he won't do THAT, so I add another job, and unless I'm standing over him, he won't do THAT either, and in the end, there aren't enough hours in the day to do his ever-increasing list of jobs to do.

His washing pile has been on the dining table for 12 days now. He knows it's there, he's been bollocked about it numerous times, and at least twice he's had a root through for clean clothes. But he won't move it.

He's too lazy to use the wash basket, his washing goes on the bathroom or bedroom floor, so I make HIM do the washing.
He's just had two trips to London costing hundreds that DC1 & DC3 haven't had, but all I get is that his life is dreadful, he's a slave, I only had him so I didn't have to do any housework myself (!)

His attitude stinks, everything is too much trouble, he is surly and arguementative.

It's his birthday next week, and I just can't bring myself to go and spend another fortune on him when he doesn't deserve it, but I am mindful of making a lifetime's lasting childhood memory of the day he got nothing for his birthday.

What can I do? Punishment doesn't seem to have an effect, it just makes him resent me more.
Any advice gratefully received. TIA

how about switching punishment to earning stuff instead?

So he earns X amount of computer time by doing Y and without it, he has no computer time? He earns X amount of tv time by doing Y and he doesn't get to switch on the tv.

Turn it around from punishment to, well, 'wages', I suppose.

May be easier to get him to do something if he sees it as working towards that tv programme or that pc time or that time on the xbox or whatever that gets 'banked' according to the chores.

My 12 year old also had the "I have to work like a slave, you only had me so that I can do housework" routine. It has improved somewhat. I made a list of all the benefits she gets from being a member of this household, plus lists of everything that DH and I do for the household and family vs the little bit that she does. Every time she moaned she got referred to the lists.

Does he get pocket money? You can tell him that he gets pocket money by virtue of being a member of the family, not for chores, but chores are something that everybody in a family must do together to make the family work. He can choose not to do his chore or to do it half way, but then he must pay a parent or sibling to complete the task. This will cost x amount, which will be subtracted from his pocket money. This will of course only work if he is motivated by money.

I think you expect too much from him. You also appear to deal with him negatively. Reward for doing a job rather than punishment for not doing it.
Step back and look at your relationship with him. If you have chats and a laugh every day with him dispite the telling off. That's great. But if you don't then how is your relationship going to be when he's older. Don't get me wrong we have to tell them stuff and do some sanctions. But if it's all functional stuff there won't be that good friendship between you when they are adults.

I feel your pain OP.
Sorry have just come across this thread whilst sat in tears after yet another run in with ds (11) about lack of effort in absolutely anything but in particular homework and school work. It's everyone/things fault but his.
I have tried reward but ultimately resort to punishment as his only motivation is his Xbox. He has had a bit of a tricky time settling into year 7 so I tend to be a bit soft on him.
For those who have tried the earning Xbox time etc how exactly did you do that - did you start from zero time?

What HeyHo said. Absolutely spot on.

That sounds so negative - I can't believe you seriously double an 11 yr old's list of jobs if they don't do the first one to your satisfaction - makes you sound like the wicked stepmother in Cinderella, tbh.
No wonder he feels sad and unloved.

Those jobs seems to faffy for a 12 year old, they don't have much attention to detail at that age, not because they are idiotic or lazy just because they don't. One hit wonder jobs are best eg: take out the bins, empty the bin, carry this upstairs, help me with the shopping from the boot, go pull up all those weeds and chuck them in the bin etc.

You can make it easy or hard and you sound like you are making it hard. Make it light and breezy, "big strong lad like you can't pick up some washing?' All he see's and hears in Mum/Chores/Nag you have to change the record!