dd 10 upset as her best friend is not going to same secondary school

[livefastlove]

My dd is quite a sensitive girl and not brilliant socially, quite shy and quiet, but she has several good friends she has been at primary school with who she is very fond of. One of these girls is going to a different school (we arent sure where, her parents are looking at private schools) and dd is very sad about it. She has never liked changes and always gets upset about leaving her teacher and moving up a year. Dd can be a bit dramatic about things, she was listening to sad songs and wrote a version of Sam Smith's stay with me called Don't leave me best friend! But I am a bit worried about her, she is crying about it quite a lot. Sometimes I think she cries when she is a bit tired, but I know she really is sad. Does anyone have any advice?

Not advice as such, but when DD started primary we made the difficult decision to send her to a different school from her best friend from nursery.

They are now 10yrs old and in Yr 5 and still have a really wonderful friendship. Other girlfriends have come and gone throughout school but DD & DBF are still really close. We see them every school holiday & now they are a little older have recently started sleepovers. They will be going to the same secondary next September.

I also was separated from one of my best friends when we went to different middle schools at 8/9, and another who moved out of the area when I was 13.

We are all going to be 40 in the coming year and they are my DD's much loved Godmothers.

It may take a bit effort but different schools needn't mean the end of the friendship.

Is there anyone else your DD is friends with that is going to the same secondary that you could encourage a closer bond with?

Thanks wyrd that's really nice to read. Yes dd has another friend she likes who I am hoping may be in her class when they move up. I have told her that we will make sure she is able to see her friend but she says it won't be the same without her at school.

It will obviously be more tricky for your DD than it was for mine as they've been together a lot longer at primary, but the one positive thing about it happening at this age is that they are able to be a bit more independent so hopefully that will make it even easier for them to stay in touch.

I'd also be inclined to remind her that secondary works differently and even if they were at the same school they may not see much of each other anyway.

I had been at middle school with the friend that moved (on the day I started high school) and was pretty nervous about heading off without her. I ended up in a class with the other friend and two other girls we'd been at first school with. I am still in touch with one of them too!

Just another thought - perhaps once they are settled in their new routines, you and friends mum could see if there are any outside school clubs that they might both like to go to.

It is good having friends out of school. When school isn't so great you have your 'outside' friends around you.

Dd doesn't see her friend much outside of school as they are often busy in the evenings and weekends and we are also limited in when we can have friends over. So I guess it might make it seem like this is a friend she mainly sees at school. I think the friends family let her use face time and I will try to see if I can set it up for dd so she can contact her that way. I dont know how to use it though!

I agree with Teen. Maybe arrange a sleepover or get-together a couple of weeks into the first term? They could swap stories about new schools and friends. Turn the fact that they're going to different schools into a positive change.

I completely understand! DD1 is leaving her school in September to go to a Grammar School and her best friend is devastated- as is DD. I told her she could stay at her school if she wanted but she would really love to go to this other school. Is in total conflict as her brother goes to the other school and is trying to prompt her to come but her best friend is absolutely inconsolable and DD is feeling guilty.

I felt the same way when I went to a Grammar School and my best friend went to a Comp. We met up all the time and I introduced her to my new friends and she introduced me to her. Years later, we are still best friends.

If your DD meets up with her friend fairly often, there should be no problems. You could try letting them start a club together such as Tennis or Dance etc.. This way they can even meet up in the week time too. Urge your DD to move schools as it will boost her confidence and change is always good. I hope you can get her to cheer up a little bit

Sorry didn't read it very well- I see know that it is not your DD who is moving!! But either way, the main idea is the same, they need contact to stay freinds nd if they are offered that, they should be okay.

Hi my dd was also disappointed to be going to a different secondary school to her best friend -- they had been together since nursery and had a great friendship.. They both started their respective schools and have both made other friends but their friendship is still a close one and sometimes its nice to have a close friend that is separate to school. They text snapchat etc and they meet up every month or so and the friendship is as strong and lovely as ever .
Friendships often change at Secondary anyway - Not going to a new school with her best friend has actually encouraged my dd to make more/new friends which I don't feel she would have done so readily if they had gone to same school together.
Reassure her that the friendship can still continue and grow and that she will also make some new friends too .