Dd (10) lying, I'm struggling to believe a word she says now :-(

[Eggwhisk]

We have been having trouble with my dd for quite some time and she has been referred to CAHMS for anxiety. This sneakiness and lying is a new thing though, it's little things for example she has an hour timed on her computer/tablet after school and the last couple of times we have noticed that the timer has been changed so she has more time...she swears blind it's not her that's done it. The same with an attempted forged signature in a school book yesterday, she swears blind it's not her although she did later confess to me. I just don't get it, it's so obvious she's lying and I've explained that she won't get more independence if we can't trust her.

She is now in tears in her room and her computer time has even lost tomorrow because she just cannot admit she has done something. I'd be much less angry about the actual misdeed, it's the lying I can't stand!

How do I tackle this?

This sounds v similar to our situation ATM. We have had low level fibs. Me asking DD outright is she has done X. She swears blind she hasn't. Five mins later I find proof that she has done X. As you say, I'm far more upset about the bare faced lies than the actual event. Also her attitude stinks recently. Since she has been back at school. I have spoken to her teacher who says she is the perfect student there. Which I would rather iykwim, but if she can act like that there, why not at home? Another big issue for us is getting her to understand how the lies she chooses to tell,& subsequent actions can -and do-hurt people.

Thanks for the reply 123rd, my daughter also seems to be a model student at school, she has just moved up to Middle school too so she has had a big change and made a new friendship group. I just can't seem to get it through to her that it's the lying I'm bothered about, yeah I'm disappointed that she is trying to be sneaky but when caught out just admit it!

It's very frustrating! Best of luck to you with your dd

why did she forge the signature in the book? was it to avoid being in trouble at school for example?

No, I don't think so. It was to gain points for doing an activity challenge. I had already said I would sign it so there was no reason to try and do it herself. I doubt there was even anything it, I'm sure I practiced my mums signature when I was younger but why lie?

i would guess at anxiety again, perhaps fear of punishment or disapproval