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Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Preteens

If your child has a phone, do you have rules?

18 replies

ArtyFartyQueen · 29/09/2014 17:40

As the title suggests really....DD has just got a phone as she is now at secondary school. We think she is a bit obsessed with it at the moment and looking for advice on what is the norm for usage/rules etc!

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Andro · 29/09/2014 17:56

All school rules wrt phones must be obeyed - if you are punished at school for a phone related offense you lose it for a week.

Phones are off/on silent during meals are are not allowed in the dining room.

Respect your allowance or lose the phone.

No phones in the bedroom, turn it off when you go to your room for the night and leave it downstairs.

Either parent can check the phone on request.

Fortunately DS (also 11) isn't obsessed, if he appeared to be surgically attached to to his mobile I would put limits in place. He already turns it to silent when he's doing homework and that was without me telling him to, as long as the phone doesn't start to become his life the rules will remain as they are.

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ArtyFartyQueen · 29/09/2014 21:11

Thanks Andro - that's helpful. Think we are being too lenient on her. Anyone else?

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fieldfare · 29/09/2014 21:16

We've installed safe search software on Dd's phone, opendns I think.
It is to be left on charge downstairs overnight.
No social media yet, including instagram. She's 11, there's plenty of time for that.
No phones at the dinner table.
Dh and I must be made aware of the code to unlock it if she changes it, we check it periodically and look throught ext and email as well as browsing history. While we pay the bill, and she is a minor, this is the way it is.
Serious bad behaviour will result in the loss of the phone for a period of time, and a very old Nokia brick will be provided instead.

We are on the stricter side of the parenting fence.

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KiaOraOAotearoa · 29/09/2014 21:19

Mine has a cheap pay as you go.
Has to have it in her hand on her way to/back from school (5 min walk).
During school is on silent, once she is outside, it has to go on loud.
Has a £5 a month allowance, must tell me if she runs out of credit (must have enough credit for a couple of calls at all times.
No internet on the phone, she can use wi-fi on ipad.
When at home, it must be plugged or near the plug. Which is in the kitchen.
No phone in the bedroom.

Mine doesn't seem too bothered about it, the novelty soon wore off.

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Ticklemonster897 · 29/09/2014 21:26

my ds in year 7 at secondary has a brick with no internet access. He switches it on as he walks home after school and when hes in the community/at friends houses. Its switched off at home and school and we are all happy with this. He also has no social media but does have an email address. His friends are a mix. Some have every gadget going while others dont bother much with IT at all.

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OldBeanbagz · 29/09/2014 21:27

No phones at the table or when we're eating out/visiting and it must be left downstairs at bedtime. DH and i both know her access code and check messages/emails etc.

On the one occasion she was very rude to me it was confiscated for a day. Since it was a school day it was a major inconvenience and she hasn't done it since.

I think she was obsessed with it when she first got it. After 2 years the novelty has worn off a bit.

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Ticklemonster897 · 29/09/2014 21:28

DS has internet access on a lap top at home if he needs it for homework

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Fairylea · 29/09/2014 21:29

Mine only has a cheap pay as you go. She spends most of her time on her Asus memo pad. Rules are only not at mealtimes, not to be taken upstairs (so I can keep a vague eye). Other than that anything goes !

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Vvvoom · 29/09/2014 21:39

Cheap PAYG (not smart phone). She has a tablet and us on Instagram, Kick and Snapchat. I check her Instagram account daily, go through her followers from time to time, and she deletes anyone who swears. She's not allowed to add anyone she doesn't know in RL, and her account is private. Have completely forgotten to look at Kick and Snapchat but think she only uses it for a few friends. No phone in room overnight, restricted use of tablet (1 hour or so a day after doing homework etc)

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AChickenCalledKorma · 29/09/2014 22:25

DD1 is 12 and has a smartphone, but not a cool one.

No phones at the table.
All phones charged in the kitchen overnight and not taken up to bedrooms.

Keep it safe at school - don't wave it about - obey school rules (i.e. silent during lessons).

We are "allowed" to look at it, and will do so from time to time.

If you need internet, engage your brain about how to access it (i.e. use wifi in the house - preferably on the PC, where you can actually see the screen)

No social networking (she's not interested anyway, thankfully)

Haven't used removal of phone as a threat so far, because she's not really that bothered by it. But its on a contract, in DH's name, so if there was an issue we wouldn't hesitate to ban it for a while.

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Picturesinthefirelight · 29/09/2014 22:29

Dd is 12 about to turn 13 & has a Samsung gakaxy y

I have to have her Facebook, instagram & email passwords. Phones are not allowed in school so she has to leave it in the car when she gets there.

It has to be handed in to me at bedtime & I check texts/Facebook messages etc at least once a week.

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TeenAndTween · 30/09/2014 09:35

DD1 is 15 and has had a phone since Easter y6. Now has a fancy something.

Phone off at school (school rules)
Phone in school bag by front door night before school
Phone off during homework, meals.
Internet access broadly turned off (but can get free wifi)
Phone to be kept charged and topped up.

Phone is mainly provided for use in emergencies / necessary situations. Not for random chatting.

We strongly discourage use at home, we don't use our phones much either.

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ElephantsNeverForgive · 30/09/2014 09:40

No late night texting anyone who's DM will moan at me the next day!

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FriendlyLadybird · 30/09/2014 14:12

DS (Year 8) has a Samsung Galaxy Y on a capped contract. He must obey all school rules (but that goes without saying) and isn't allowed to take it up to his room at night. While he knows we could check it we never actually have as he's pretty sensible. The obsession with the phone lasted for about a month -- we now have to remind him to take it with him to school!

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Soveryupset · 03/10/2014 14:34

My children (year 4 and year 5) both have smartphones as they take school buses and we thought they could use them for listening to music/videos/have some games to entertain them.

They don't have data on their phones and are not allowed to use them at home. It was a bit of a novelty at first but now they just come in and plug them in to recharge ready for the next day. At the weekend they only get taken if we go on a long journey as they play something on it.

So far I haven't had any fights/argument/issues with them, but then again most of their friends don't have phones and they don't have data so it isn't as exciting!!!

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Starfishiecloverhv · 04/10/2014 18:15

DSD has a cheap basic phone without internet. She is 12. It's pay as you go and I top it up for her fortnightly. She mainly uses it to text friends and for getting me to pick her up from activities.

Like everybody else has said she has to follow the school rules and can't use it at the dinner table. She also leaves it downstairs at night.

She is pretty good at sticking to it.

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WittyUsername102 · 05/10/2014 16:16

For ours, the only rule is don't go over the data allowance.

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Alexaa · 16/10/2014 22:31

DS (11) got a phone recently. He was glued to it watching things on BBC iPlayer, texting or IMing friends and playing games. He would literally be mid-episode of Bad Education when dinner was being served and I would have to pull it off him. I set these rules:
-No phone at the dinner table
-No phone after 9:30pm (when he usually heads off to bed anyway)
-No watching programmes on iPlayer, 4od etc. with siblings around (all are younger than him and I find the programmes can be a little inappropriate for children younger than 11 or 12.)
-No going over data allowance each month (or extra money will come out of his own money)
-Keep phone turned off during school
-No posting anything nasty online (had the talk about once something is on the internet it never comes down etc.)

He sticks to these rules and seems happy to do so. He charges his phone beside his bed at night and I've never once seen it out of place and I trust him.