sitting in floods of tears

[jakejanebaz]

i have just lost it with my DS10. Last week was horrendous with his appalling answering back. Just 10 mins ago, I asked him to take out the bins for collection in the morning. Received a mouthful in return. I kept my calm and told him if he did not do as I had asked, I would switch of the internet so he could not play his online game so would he please take out the bins. He replied go for it, switch off internet. I dont care. I lost it, this has been building up and I manhandled him out the kitchen and physically dragged him into his room, told him to get undressed and go to bed.
I now sitting downstairs in floods of tears and he is upstairs also in tears. I dont know what to do

He is hitting teens early. Punishments don't work for some kids it just makes them hate you.
Please read a book on teen psychology. They are great. It will tell you a about what is happening to them. Being a child with adult independance coming in. It will also help you deal with it.
Get out my life but first take means Alex into town , was a really good read. Have a search on Amazon.
Please read it. There is too much to explain why he's doing this in an answer. But is rubbish really worth the arguing. I learnt to ask, then do it myself once ignored. You have to keep asking because in a few years time they will have come through it and do what you ask , prob before you even ask. Or you can have a huge fruitless battle for the next few years.

Don't beat yourself up, 10y are far far worse than teens.

I rounded in DD2 and called her a Bitch, when she was 10. She had simply been totally uncooperative, when we had some where to go, once too often.

I found once DD2 was old enough to be left at home on her own, could walk to school or wander to the pool with her mates it got better.

Being 10, to old for toys, but too young for much freedom is hard. Y5 is a bit libo land at school too. Y6 with milk duty, reception buddies and helping with assemblies was far better

Well, firstly, cut off his internet for the foreseeable future. Personally, I'd also take away electronic devices away altogether for a while. One of my children was absolutely awful at 10 as he was entering puberty early. For us, pulling him back away from electronics, and encouraging him to do more sports and getting him outside really helped.

And what will that do thewholespoon other than make him hate his parents. Prolonged punishments are pointless, DCs soon forget the crime, but not that they are bloody furious with their mean unfair parents.

I was frequently in hot water for being cheeky. I could never remember what I'd said, but I used to storm off on my bike the second my DDad had finished giving me avery long lecture and have a rant about what a twat farther's were.

Short term turning off the wifi and encouraging other interests separately is fine, but long punishments or too many words is counter productive.

A lot of why DD2 is a nice teen is she found she was good at gymnastics (at a recreational level) and she practices on our trampoline for hours.

However, if I moaned about how much time she spends playing Sims, she wouldn't find an additional productive occupation she'd put the energy into being annoying. She can be very annoying.

I was speaking as someone who had a very difficult 10 year old. As a parent, part of our job is sucking it up when they are a giant pita. Mine used to jump out his bedroom window and run away. He would shout, scream and swear. He was just so bloody angry with us and everything because he was a little ball of fast growing hormones. Being on electronics kept him quiet but, in reality, it was just putting off the inevitable.

At 10, they are still young enough for you to be able to reach out to them. If you keep ignoring the problem, it's going to be much worse by the time their hormones are at their worst. It's much harder to reach out to an estranged 14 year old than an estranged 10 year old.

By removing the electronics altogether, the short term pain (and yes, it was VERY painful) was well worth the long term gain for him and us.

It is a tricky age but I can understand why you lost it they can be so frustrating. Maybe agree a list of jobs he is to do each week around the house so he knows what's expected.
I also second less screen time and more excercise. I realised that spending time on the computer, even just to watch tv, turned both my DCs into grumpy monsters. With DD1 I was putting this down to hormones and growing up. When we were on holiday with no wifi she was a different child. All computer access is now banned Mon-fri and things are much calmer.