caught parents having sex

[poppylocks]

My 10 yo daughter came into our room the other night and caught us having sex , she screamed the house down and woke the other children .Not feeling very rational told her to stop making so much noise and go to bed .Not sure how much she is aware of sex or how to discuss what she saw.She is aware her father used to physically abuse me but that relationship finished when she was two been with currant partner since she was 3 .

Oops. It might have been better if you had given her some information about sex before the age of 10. Hopefully she will know everything from school. I think you have to discuss it very openly with her and give her a chance to ask any questions. And maybe get a suitable book as well.

she screamed the house down and woke the other children

That's quite an extreme reaction. I walked in on my parents having sex when I was about ten. My reaction was to walk out again, shudder, and try to forget what I had seen.

Why the suggestion that she might link it with abuse?

I think she should know about sex by 10, preferably from you telling her in honest language that she can understand, rather than hearing things from school friends/tv/internet! I think you need to have a chat with her...

Why the suggestion that she might link it with abuse?

If she's not particularly well informed, then she could misinterpret grunts/apparent struggles/etc (depending on exactly what she saw) as being unacceptable behaviour and thus make an erroneous link - especially if she's been told about not being physical with her siblings.

I agree that a very honest chat is in order.

I found this book useful for my 10 yo dd.

We would she equate sex to you being abused? What were you doing? If my dc walked in in me, they would think we were cuddling. (Or we could make it look so very quickly!)

I think you should have had a clear chat about sex before now. Have you discussed periods etc also? If not, you need to get your skates on.

Thanks for the help will talk to her .She does know about periods .Her nan casually asked her why she did what she did and she denied most of it just said we were laughing and giggling and it was waking her up so she got annoyed

You got her nan involved ! Poor kid.
You need to chat to her. She needs to know about relationships, love and commitment. Not just sex workings. Then you can explain that you love each other and that's what adults do in a relationship. Please don't get anyone else to talk to her. That just makes it into something bigger than it is.