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I did "the talk"!

12 replies

OhDeanna · 20/04/2014 00:49

As a mum to four sons and only one daughter, I felt a bit on dodgy ground with this one. I also didn't expect things to start so soon! DD was 9 in December and literally since her birthday has changed drastically! She has breast buds, is curvier around her hips, her hair is greasy within a day of washing and her skin is oily. I've also noticed a little bit of discharge in her pants in the wash. When I went into the bathroom to give her a clean towel the other day while she showered, I noticed pubic hair. I knew I needed to talk to her sooner rather than later as I knew she was blissfully unaware of periods.

I was nervous as she just doesn't do icky or pain and I didn't want to screw it up. She's a real wuss eg she has a verruca and won't let me use the treatment on it "in case it hurts" Hmm

I also wanted to make "the talk" meaningful and useful. My own mum didn't bother to talk to me. She left it to my older sister who wasn't particularly sensitive in her approach. When I did start my periods at 11, mum just handed me a packet of sanitary towels and that was it.

Anyway, thought about all DD's changes and decided to make a bit of a "mum/daughter" moment. I bought a gift box and put in the following items: Simple face wash, Simple wipes, pant liners, sanitary pads, mild roll on deodorant, shampoo and conditioner for greasy hair. We then sat on my bed and talked about all her changes, why they were happening etc and went through the things in the box. I got to periods and she was a bit grossed out by it, but was very sensible and seemed ok with it. She loved the fancy gift box and all her very grown up items too. I got lots of smiles and a hug and off she went, quite happy.

I'm so pleased and proud that she didn't make a fuss; it was all quiet and matter of fact and then it was done. She did ask, though, "Does Dad know about this?" Grin

Mind, she still won't let me at her verruca...

OP posts:
Fanjango · 20/04/2014 00:55

Well done. My dd is about to turn 9 and has been having sold mood swings and is having trouble controlling her emotions, toddler tantrums one minute crying the next. I had a semi talk whilst brushing her hair yesterday. I will go into more detail with her soon. She has greasy hair and a few little spots so I think it needs saying. Scary how early you have to prepare them isn't it? I didn't start periods till I was 12 but she's much bigger than I was, she's only 5 inches shorter than me now and only 1 shoe size down from me! It's so much easier with boys. Or, at least there's less mess to explain....

Nocomet · 20/04/2014 01:12

It was very easy with DD1, she like me very practical, straight talking and pretty near impossible to embarrass.

She already knew about periods (no lock in our bathroom door, wasn't when we bought the house). It was just a matter of finding something inconspicuous to put things in for school. Some of the boys were silly.

In fact despite getting curves at primary she didn't need the pencil case (which is we decided looked inconspicuous) until Y7.

It's just as well she's very practical as she was in the middle of Europe with school.

DD2 has been much more sensible than I thought she'd be. The only thing I don't know is whether she can use tampons. Not much swimming at this time of year.

DD1talks about such things and asks advice, DD2 doesn't always (and sometimes asks big sis not me). Tampons are common property and I just buy them when we look low.

LastingLight · 20/04/2014 11:45

Good job. I started talking to my dd about this at 9 too. She is 11.10 now and thinks she knows it all but I ordered a book on periods for her anyway, to cover whatever I may have missed. They're covering puberty in school this year - she dreads it, I'm not sure why.

Rachel135 · 20/04/2014 16:26

My daughter is 8 and I've been wondering about this. Would it be too early for me to have the talk (dreading it and have been since having a girl lol)

basildonbond · 20/04/2014 20:58

Oh well done! I've been trying to broach the subject with dd for a while now (she's 11, Y6) but she won't engage at all

However in the last few weeks I've noticed her nipples have just started to get a bit 'puffy' IYSWIM so everything is definitely on its way ...

I may well adopt your approach so thank you for sharing

Nocomet · 22/04/2014 13:21

They may not "engage", but they are still listening.

You may feel an idiot talking at them in the car, but stuff does sink in.

LastingLight · 22/04/2014 15:57

basildonbond at 11 you can't delay, she would already have heard things from her friends, not all of it accurate. Can you buy a book / get one out of the library and read it together?

Rachel135 it's never too early to start imparting age appropriate knowledge. Does your daughter know the proper name for body parts? Does she know the difference between boys and girls? Have you talked about babies growing in mummies' tummies?

Meloria · 22/04/2014 19:48

LastingLight, why teach a child the proper names for body parts then tell them babies grow in someone's stomach when it's completely untrue?

BertieBotts · 22/04/2014 19:51

"tummy" might come from the word "stomach" but to me it means general abdominal area. Of course you say womb when you're explaining how it all works to a child.

LastingLight · 22/04/2014 19:57

You're right Meloria, I stand corrected.

MistletoeBUTNOwine · 22/04/2014 20:07

Dd (8) knew about some aspects, plus I've just had DS so she knows about that too!
She began with breast buds around 8.5 also smelly armpits Shock
I bought her a little bag with some PitRok deodorant (chemical and aluminium free) pads and tiny tampons Grin she thinks they're great and is very proud of them!
We were in the bath together when we had 'the talk'. All went very smoothly Smile

LumpySpacedPrincess · 04/05/2014 16:10

Dd is 9 as well and has had similar changes since turning 9 in January.

She knows about periods as I leave towels etc out and have always talked about it. Yesterday she noticed underarm hair for the first time and was horrified. Sad

I explained that girls are hairy too and and it's all perfectly normal. She was in the mood for a chat so asked about babies and do you have to have them or could you choose not to etc.

I just answered honestly and it went well. There is no one talk is there, it's a lot of discussions over time.

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