Comments from 11 year old DS - normal or cause for concern?

[Wishyouwould]

I really don't know - can someone please give me their opinion/advice.

My DS has mini meltdowns - over the last few months he will say
*he hates himself
*he wants to kill himself
*nobody likes him
*he has no friends
*he is an idiot (he says this over and over)

Today he stormed to his bedroom got in bed and said he wanted to smother himself

His Dad and I separated over a year ago. It's been a very bitter separation, I've tried to keep it civil in front of the children but sadly they have heard some awful things (verbal abuse/obscene language from my STBXH) and things between us are at an all time low.

I just don't know how to help my DS. We spend hours talking about lots of things and he will sit in bed with me for a chat every night he is with me, I love that we do this. I've asked him if it's me and his Dad that are making him feel this way, he says no. I also have a DD who seems to be coping with everything very well (they are twins and are at very different stages)

I'm just so worried about him.

[steppemum]

my ds is 11, in year 6. Over the last few years we have had all of the things you have listed at one time or another. He is very sensitive and gets very angry and upset over nothing at times. Our worst patch was a couple of years ago now, but I recognise them all.

I think that you sound lovely and that your habit of curling up in bed and talking sounds great. I am guessing that he can't tell you that you and his dad are the problem, because he loves you both and doesn't want to tell you, but I am guessing that the divorce is probably behind it. It will take him time to process his angry and so on, but as long as he is still talking and you are still supporting, you are heading the right way.

[LastingLight]

Children can suffer from depression. Can you arrange some counselling for him? It will be a relief for him to talk to someone he can be totally honest with without hurting feelings.

[Wishyouwould]

Thank you for your replies. My DS is sensitive and can get very angry and tearful but saying he wants to kill himself has really scared me.

I was thinking about counselling. I start my own counselling at the beginning of March. It's been a tough time. I feel so much guilt for splitting up the family but I had no choice. He starts secondary school in Sept and I know that is on his mind.

[steppemum]

counselling sounds like a good idea, I agree the saying he wants to kill himself is worrying, and it is impossible for us to tell how serious that is. My ds has said it a number of times, usually when he is angry, and cross with himself, rather than with me. I know in his case he doesn't actually mean it, but over the internet we can't possibly judge how your ds is saying it.
Don't beat yourself up over the family breakup, that is just the way it is, and you need to deal with the situation you have.

sorry you have all been through such a rough time

[Wishyouwould]

Thank you steppe I really appreciate your kind words.