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Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Preteens

only 10 yrs but could this be a breakdown?

10 replies

ericalou · 10/02/2014 22:16

I am at a loss as to how to deal with DD !!! she has gone from being a happy and confident girl to an emotional wreck in 7 mths it started when she made a new "friend" at school, this child is awful ( and believe me I do not say that lightly ) the level of manipulation that she has displayed is terrifying and she literally stalks my family ( she was hiding in our hedge watching us at dinner ) things came to head before christmas and we have restricted the time they spend together and now there is virtually no contact, however, at the same time my nan past away and this has had a tremendous affect on my DD inc nightmares about all her family dying and leaving her alone so when this girl text another child saying she was in my garden watching me and was going to stab and kill me the effect was devastating, she has nightmares every night cries constantly over the smallest thing cant make a decision on the most minor of things and even cancelled her birthday because she couldn't cope, she comes home from school and has been locking the doors and closing the curtains, I just don't know how to handle it all or how long to let it go on for, I am asking her G.P for a referral to a grief counsellor but does anyone have any other suggestions ?

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LastingLight · 11/02/2014 06:18

She sounds significantly depressed. GP and counselor is definitely the way to go.

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ihatethecold · 11/02/2014 06:25

I think you really need to be proactive with this situation.
This must be very hard for you to see.
I would firstly see your GP.
See about counselling.
I would also contact pastoral care at her school.
They should have noticed a difference in her behaviour.
They may be able to access services quicker than the GP.

Have you contacted the other girls parents?
Are they aware their dd is treating your child this way?
Be strong and don't take no for an answer if you come up against resistance from professionals.
Good luck.

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chocobaby · 11/02/2014 07:03

Yes it could be a breakdown, and the GP and your local CAMHS should be involved. I am so sorry that your family is going through this. Let the school and the child's parents know so that your child can receive the much needed support. Stay strong!

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pandora987 · 11/02/2014 11:36

GP and CAMHS. CAMHS were great with my DD 10 last year when she had high anxiety levels. Gave her lots of advice and strategies for coping. Also helped us to help her. Would recommend.
Good luck.

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ThreeBeeOneGee · 11/02/2014 21:02

This sounds like depression/anxiety. Please take her to the GP and explain all the things you've told us.

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ericalou · 12/02/2014 18:33

thank you all for your replies, we do now have an appointment with the school and the G.P, unfortunately the girls parents are a no go they refuse to accept she does anything wrong it's always somebody else's fault despite a number of other parents also having issues

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ThreeBeeOneGee · 12/02/2014 19:11

It's good that you have those appointments set up. Suggest having a written list of your concerns (and in the school's case, a list of incidents involving this girl).

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RainYourRottingMyDhaliaBulbs · 14/02/2014 11:38

Hello

First of all yes, it sounds like something like a break down, I had one at 9...similar issues suddenly realising my mother would die ( she was older) my BF at school left me for someone else, problems at home, no real friend at school ( new school), so yes do seek out help, reassure her, try and cheer her up, take her out of the situation, can you afford to do things with her like theatre if she likes it, cheery musical...fun museums...anything to distract her and take her mind off things...lift her out of the situation as it were...

so she is having fun somewhere...

it will pass.

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LadyMaryLikesCake · 14/02/2014 11:43

Umm… your family is being stalked and bullied by a 10 year old who is telling your daughter that she's going to kill you, of course your daughter's going to be terrified and stressed out.

You need to sort this child out first by going to the school and then the Police if you need to. You then need to take your daughter to the GP and get her some support.

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FiveOwls · 14/02/2014 12:04

Certainly your dd needs support, as she is suffering from high anxiety. However, you need to be very clear that the root of the problem is not your dd. What she is displaying is entirely understandable: a perfectly reasonable and logical reaction to her current circumstances. I would be exactly the same. By all means enlist the help of your GP, but don't let the school or anybody else pathologise your daughter's healthy reaction to a ridiculous amount of stress.