How to deal with DD9 tantrums without shouting- shouldnt I know how to do this parenting lark by now?!

[fruitcorner]

I am gripped by the fact that the kids are getting older and I still havent got parenting susssed! My DD9 can be very rude and tricky and things always seem to escalate when I try and deal with her behaviour - I want to use all the How to Talk strategies but she is rude, screams at me, won't go and calm down in her room if I ask her to do so and voices are raised as I try and get her to listen to me over the noise she is making - any tips?

I would tell her you will talk to her when she has calmed down then turn your back and walk away.

I have a 10 yr old ds who can be the same. They do follow you and if needed I repeat, I will talk to you when you have calmed down.

Once calm I used to tell ds that feeling angry was fine but that was not an acceptable way to express it.

I talked him through what he thought would help calm him and also that he couldn't behave like that in school.

When it was a small upset tantrum, I'd sit with him and get him to get his breathing under control to help calm him.

It's hard and it won't stop them instantly but they hopefully will learn to put a lid on it.

I feel your pain. A friend recommended a book called The Explosive Child to me. It has a lot of good coping strategies in it but it also gets you to consider what might be the trigger.