The difference two weeks can make in a household with a troubled preteen :(
Found out she had self-harmed (through school) and though it took a week (my mind was all over the place and strangely enough I felt angry at her but did not show it of course) finally felt we had begun talking about it properly last weekend, and she was in a place of knowing she was loved by me and would be supported through this. I had mentioned that I would enable any wish to spend time at a family member for a while should she want to including her dad whom has has only been in the picture for two years as I know she has grown close to him and his family. She has stayed round his for approx 21 days over this period including long weekends and an extended 8 day stint.
Anyway she turns around and says she would like to go an stay at his for a little while. My head reels but I go ahead and take her. She is able to get to school from his with relative difficulty and I just want her to be happy but yet again I am also angry and confused by turn of actions. This was on Wednesday night. She goes to school from his on Thursday, I am stressed but it seems she is fine. I do not speak with her. I get a call from her dad on Friday to say she has been in a fight at school. The school did not inform me which I found very strange as no mention of a dad on her records let alone a contact number. Find out she told them to inform her dad and NOT me after the fight. She came round to pick up a coat today and I asked why tell them to phone your dad and she said this was because she is now 'living with my dad'. At this point I reminded her that this is not so.
She is in Yr.8 and all of this fighting is a first at secondary school, and also not the kind of form expected at her school at all (Girls Day Indie). I have arranged a meeting with head of year and deputy head is scheduled to be there too.
I am no longer angry just scared of losing my feisty beautiful daughter to bad circumstances. I have no idea what is going on with her. I have no idea why she is self harming. I have no idea why she is so angry. I feel like my child is unraveling. I am worried on so many levels. Securing her future in the school is one thing (she is v.bright and majorly sporty so a genuine credit/asset to the school but I am afraid they could take away her bursary which helps with fees or worse ask her to be removed). Helping her to get back to herself is another (she is now seeing school counselor once a week), and of course dealing with her 'living with my dad' shit. I did say she could stay for a week or two but now panicking about the task of getting her to be happy about returning home. We are meant to be moving into new house in a couple of weeks as well!! (I have so much on my plate right now)
She acts like I am some kind of enemy, and deep down I fear that she would rather live with her dad but that cannot happen, and I know she is not capable of making any sound judgement on this yet I don't want her to hate me or resent me in years to come.
Should I find a child psychologist, find a different way of working that allows me to be more of a taxi/ready available mom (as I think she is wanting my attention somehow...) or just let her know that I am boss till she turns 18 and what I say goes and that is that!
What should I be thinking about ahead of meeting with school and how do I get her to begin preparing for a return home. And of major important, how do I get her to begin to see me as on her side and not against her??