Preteens
Stealing money, how to handle it
slalomsuki · 19/11/2013 08:59
DS who is 12 has been stealing money from me for a while. Initially it was just £1 or so and I have tackled him and moved my handbag away overnight. He gets up early before the rest of us and and has been doing it then.
Today I have proof that he has done it as I was woken up at 4.50 with a noise in the house and went to check. I checked my purse in my bag and everything was there and went back to bed. At 6.30 I put my phone in my bag and the money was missing. He was the only one that was up at that time and DH was away overnight so not him.
I called DH and he says he has suspected money stealing for a while but not said anything as he thought it was me. I have asked DS if he is being bullied for money in the past and he has said no. I don't think he is as DS2 is at the same school and has a good handle n what is going on.
So how do I tackle this to get a good resolution without a confrontation. Today's amount was £10.
Madmog · 19/11/2013 11:09
I would give him the facts that you know money has been going missing, today's amount is £10 and see what reaction or what he says. If he is not forthcoming, then point out you know he was the only one up early and ask if there's a reason he needs more money, ie bullying, wanting to buy more expensive items to keep up with his friends etc. I wouldn't like it but I can understand why he might take a £1 here and there for say sweets, but £10 is a large amount.
If you are sure he's taken the money then (unless there is a good reason like bullying) I would insist he pays it back out of his pocket money, or has to do jobs. I tend to keep my handbag in our bedroom, so might be worth putting any money in a cupboard or drawer there and keep your handbag by the side of your bed.
jennifersofia · 19/11/2013 23:45
We have had bit of this on a small scale. Agree with what Madmog said. We have taken a two pronged approach. Conversation about it - let her know we knew, tried to find if there was a good reason. Talked about how it made me feel. Had her do jobs around home to repay.
Also got a small combination safe where my purse lives when I am at home. Sibling also has a small lockable box, so there is no temptation. I don't like having to do that, but I was getting too wound up about it. Seems to have abated (all ok on times I have forgotten to put purse in)
Good luck.
slalomsuki · 02/12/2013 10:56
Well we still have money going missing even though he admitted to taking money from me and my husband. He has taken his brothers pocket money that he was saving up for a phone. He denies this one but I am not sure.
I have asked him time and time again what he is doing with the money, if he is being bullied/blackmailed etc but he denies it. We are restricting the electronic gadgets usage and he is paying the original money back by doing odd jobs round the house but he denies it all. I have hidden my purse and money and so has DH and now my daughter has hidden hers following the theft of DS2s. I have also alerted the school to this as they sent home something following a bullying initiative the other week so they can watch what he is doing. He has no need of money at school for lunch as its prepaid on a smart card.
Still at a loss what to do now apart from remove temptation. Suggestions please?
Trumpsarehearts · 03/12/2013 16:23
I'd try to find out what he's spending it on. Is there evidence he is buying sweets / gum - look in his room. Not wishing to alarm you but kids start smoking weed very young these days. £10 is a lot of money to take.
My son started smoking in about year 8 - I was horrified and would never have thought it. He also hid it from us very well. Lynx spray, chewing gum etc.
I'd try to ask him what he's spending it on when you are both calm, and I would search his room very thoroughly.
Good luck.
Mumzy · 06/12/2013 20:40
Does he have any pocket money? Ive found when ds1 started secondary he needed some spending money for the odd snack, drink, stationery, magazine so now he gets £5 a week and for that he does the vacuuming
nooka · 06/12/2013 21:02
I stole money from my mum when I was a similar sort of age. In my mind it was justified as she never gave me any pocket money and all my friends had money to spend. Over time it got bigger and bigger, and although she didn't confront me I knew she knew. I spent it on sweets and toys, nothing very exciting really, and it made me feel terrible doing it, angry and guilty. I stopped when my father gave me an allowance a year or so later. I'm fairly sure I had less money after that but I felt grown up and trusted (the allowance was for clothes as well as pocket money).
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