Ok, so we've been far too soft on dd in the mornings, how do we change things?

[Dancergirl]

12 year old dd started at secondary school last year, she's now in Year 8. She has to be up quite early in order to get to the stop in time to get the school coach at 7.40am. She's really struggled with this being a night owl.

She does have an alarm but she's terrible at getting up in the morning and dh (who is up then anyway) has to go in about 3 times between 6.40 and 6.50am to make sure she's up.

I think a 12 year old should be responsible for getting herself up in the morning. Yes I know we've got into bad habits but I want to change things now.

Ideally if she's up late she should suffer the consequences: miss the coach, make her own way to school and be late. The problem is, there is no easy way of getting to school by public transport. It's only about a 15 min drive away but I don't want to drive her if she misses it, that defeats the object.

Any ideas?

Most teenagers are even worse at getting in the morning. Between the aged of 13 and 17, my nephew had to be called many more times than twice. It would sometime take 40 minutes to get him up so be prepared for it to get worse rather than better. My nephew eventually improved but not until he turned 18 and even then he is was not exactly a lark!

Overinvested? Rightio then

Both my DC find it hard to get to sleep at night. They also find it hard to get up in the morning!

I think you need to have a chat with her about the strategy that works the best for her and then do it. If she is late, then she will have to face the consequences - she goes for public transport and gets in really late and she gets a bollocking from the school. If you take her, then she will begin to expect it.
Or could she ride a bike in?

The DC have radio alarms which go off, then one of us goes in and says wakey wakey and turn the lights on. They then get up, dressed, etc and go off for buses/on their bikes. If they were to be late, I would expect the school to deal with it

I do, of course make them breakfast/help them find missing stuff/chat to them/get shouted at, etc every day too

OTOH, if you have the time and energy, you could just take her in when she is running late!

I haven't really bigtilly, I've got 2 other dc to get to a different school. Much simpler for dh to call her a few times

If they are persistently late for school, it becomes an attendance issue, and then parents get into more trouble

Ah well, calling a few times is no biggie!

I found getting up for secondary school hard for ages, transition from leaving at 8.40am and walking to school to getting a bus at 8am- not that much but that extra 40 minutes made a lot of difference!

I think my parents always gave me a nudge if I wasn't up by 7.15am.

My ds did eventually get up on his own I had to leave for work before he got up, so I used to phone him to get him up.

However he informed me the other day now age 19, that he used to leave the house at 9.00, and it took him exactly 7 1/2 minutes to walk to school. School started at 9 .00 am.....

My Y8 often gets herself up, my 15y needs waking up and checking she stays awake.

It's no great problem, l employ DH

My mother's trick was genius. We were a large family with many teens to rouse. She would come into our room in the morning and place a hot cup of tea in our hand. The sleeping teenager then had two options.

1. Sit up and drink tea, thereby waking up
2. Stay asleep, turn over and spill tea on self thereby waking up

The rolling over only really happened once or twice at best

slug

My mother used to bring all four of us a cup of tea and two biscuits in bed. Toasted hot cross buns at Easter. Can you imagine?

My mother used to wake me every morning for school until I left home.

I take my DD breakfast in bed every morning and fully intend to do so for as long as she wishes. It helps her get up and makes her more cheerful.

Don't be mean - 6.40 am is an early start every day when you are 12. Try to make it easier for her.

DS doesn't like tea

I do make DD a coffee on Saturday mornings when she has to be up at 7.30 for gym. But I put it on the cupboard, not in her hand!

I wake my 16 yo old up at 615 every morning with a cup of tea and some breakfast (which may or may not get eaten). And then point out that 16 yo girls do not like smelly boys with bad breath. Voilà! Showered, teeth cleaned and out the door!

I am inspired by this thread to take my children breakfast in bed tomorrow .

You can both be supportive and help them in the morning and have an environment where they learn to cook/wash/do dishes/learn other useful life skills.

They are not mutually exclusive! My parents were very supportive of me in the mornings. I also had plenty of responsbilities around the house (and a saturday job).

The mornings are when most teens need most support.

I wouldn't organise my DH, but then he is an adult. I'd still take him a cup of tea though, and put his cereal bowl ready, cos its a NICE thing to do.

I would make sure a 12 year old is up but I would be harder on bed times, if she can't get up then she needs to go to bed earlier. Saying that when I was 12 I was up and out of the house by 7 to get two busses to school.

To those who say she needs to go to bed earlier, don't you think I've considered that? No matter how tired dd is in the morning, she just can't fall asleep too early at night. Her lights out time is 9.15pm but she's often still awake much later.

Some lovely mums on here

My mum used to bring us a cup of tea in the morning in bed. It was a lovely way to start the day.

Mine are at uni now, but while they got ready in the mornings, I used to make them a cooked breakfast if they wanted it- usually eggs or a bacon sandwich. If they wanted a cold breakfast they did get their own, but we usually ate together.

I don't have a teen… but I was one once… I would continue to wake her up in the morning, but if she misses the bus then she has to walk or cycle to school. If it is a 15 min drive then it's about a 25-30 min cycle.

So then you are offering & supporting the choice of getting up in time, but if she chooses not to do it she deals with the consequences.

Haven't read whole thread but my dd (10) sets her own alarm then I go up 5 mins later to check she's up. If she's struggling I put some music on. Not too loud, but energetic stuff.

Perhaps your DH could say he's only coming in once and leave it at that? If she's running late then she would need to dress first then grab quick breakfast ( not ideal but hopefully won't be v often!)

She hasn't got a bike at the moment but even if she did, I'm not sure about her cycling along main road in the semi-dark. I wouldn't be happy about anyone cycling on busy roads without proper training and she hasn't done any cycle training since Year 6.

We invested in a lumie alarm clock for ds which gradually lights up the room and seems to be doing the trick with getting ds up for 7am