We've always had our meals together, round the table, no TV or radio on. A lot of the time there is what appears to be mindless chatter rather than anything you might think of as "important stuff" but it means you keep abreast of what trivia is happening in their lives, it also means you sometimes get to discuss topics that might have happened to someone else - in the news, or one of their friends, or "a kid at school" , or (if something I want to discuss ) a "colleague's dc"

The other great time for chat is driving them about in the car - I think it's something about not having to make eye contact, they sometimes open up more. I could be wrong, it might just be that it's because they are 1:1 with me, without siblings there.

But the important thing is, to be chatting regularly, and being interested in "their stuff" even if it's not really interesting and getting used to letting them tell you what they think of something, rather than jumping in with your opinion.

My DD is the same age and also very close. She tells me everything about her life at the moment . But you're right I'm sure it will change at some point.

One thing I've found to work well - also with DS (13) who's much less communative - is to chat about my own childhood, school friends, etc as that seems to help them see how I relate to their world.

And making time for some one to one time too which needs to be more organised when you're not with their dad. Mine go EOW too usually. But a couple of times a year we'll have one DC each for a weekend. I take DS hiking for his and DD gets a trip to London to see a show. Really lovely quality time with both of them that way. Otherwise I think they're always having to compete for one parent's attention.

Definitely agree with previous posters -

But the important thing is, to be chatting regularly, and being interested in "their stuff" even if it's not really interesting and getting used to letting them tell you what they think of something, rather than jumping in with your opinion


^^ This especially.

Something else I do with my DD11 and DD13 is a Bedtime Book. I started it because dd2 right from an early age would often leave me notes on my bed after she'd gone to bed, about anything that was bothering her, questions she'd thought of etc.
It got me thinking that the time we do most of our thinking/worrying/processing is as we're going to sleep.

So, each of my DDs has a special, hardback notebook, sort of like a diary, and if there's ever anything they want to tell me/ask me/ complain about, they can write it in the book and leave it on my pillow at night. I will then write a response and put it back on their pillow in the morning.

We've been doing this for a couple of years now and I love it, it really works for us.

It by no means replaces actual conversations, but I think they find it much easier to bring up difficult/embarassing things in this way.

We've had worries about bullying, periods, poorly grandparents, homework, friends - to stresses about outfit choices for parties and what to spend birthday money on. Sometimes even just a little joke or a picture.

They kind of treat it like a diary I guess, but one where they get an answer.

So far there has been nothing too shocking or dramatic but my hope is that if anything serious did ever happen, this would give them the means to tell me about it.

It has also had huge benefit in improving their writing!

It might not be for everyone - not sure how boys would react? But I think it's worth a try

What a brilliant idea, I am having trouble with my 10yo daughter too, she is so volatile and spends so much time locked into the laptop playing games and watching videos of them on youtube. I know this isn't the best thing for her, but how do you break the habit?