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Good Pals for my pre teen boy. 4 boys 4 hours.

1 reply

getitright222 · 07/10/2013 10:12

My boy is a good kid, fun, happy, talkative and great with us as a family, he has been at the same school since reception and is now in year 5 . . .six years, is that? of the same class pals.

i dont really feel any of them are our friends. he seems a bit bored and feels left out at school. could you post examples of what friendships exist at this age . . .9.

At the school gate we seem to think friends are on rotation but there does seem to be a divide at this age, of those who have older siblings and may be older in the year dominating the group with their instructions at playtime and the less confident or less demanding kids are in a silent battle of relegation.

I feel that this time may slip by and my boy may not gain anything from the group dynamic and at worst be really put off by it. ive posted before that im annoyed that school brings issues other than good stuff. . as a girl at this age i had fiends that lasted a life time. . .can i expect this from boy kids?

Ive got an idea I am gonna call it 4 x4 , 4 boys 4 hours group play meets.

Different combinations. . . strict numbers. 4 hours is making me smile, just long enough to push the boundaries of simple and create abit of bonding. next stop 4 days camping. . .childs play!

OP posts:
thekitchenfairy · 10/10/2013 06:51

Hi Getit, I could have written your post a year ago!

My DS is now in year 6 and quite suddenly, after 5 years coasting along, no firm friends, no 'bestie', but happy to drift wherever he has found his confident feet. He is a likeable chap, funny, bright, sporty but generally he was the third wheel floating between various friendship groups, but this year he is striking out and not only looking to form friendships, he is welcomed by the gang of older boys who have previously left him out.

Throughout school he has had a few friends leave suddenly for far away places (London and SE, we are in the West Country) and that knocked his confidence along the way and I have worried, oh how I have worried. No play dates, sleepovers, a football team he plays with but no invitations asked or offered... I have worried so much that he is lonely.

Subject of friendships came up at parents eve this week and he just shrugged, says he is happy to change who he plays with according to what he is 'into'. I also think some boys watch their classmate girls of whom some continually bitch and fall out and decide tight friendship groups are just not worth the bother! His teacher pointed out that he has always been a bit more mature than his peers and now some more of the boys his age are catching him up with this. Perhaps this is why friends are changing.

He also said he is friends out of school with a few boys he just cannot be friends with in school as he got fed up being in trouble all the time when he hung round with them.

Hmmm... Just realised I am rambling, but I just wanted to reassure you really!

I Love your 4x4 idea... That would really work. Boys need to be boys, such a cliche but so much if their day is designed for girls and in ks2 so much sitting down... I think time together away from school helps friendships and I love your idea of mixing it up! Tell me, are you going to host the play dates? I think you will need a hard hat and plenty of gin for afters when they have all gone home!

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