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So I've been using the 6:1 method with DD and the results are amazing!

16 replies

chicaguapa · 28/09/2013 22:19

This is the 'for every criticism you give, you give 6 compliments' idea that I read about in Divas and Doorslammers.

I've been praising DD (almost 12) loads, "well done for bringing your plates down", "you've got dressed already, that's good". And her behaviour has really improved. Loads fewer tantrums and it's a lot easier to get her to do something. I've only been doing it since Wednesday too. (smile)

OP posts:
Salbertina · 28/09/2013 22:23

Thats encouraging. sorry, had thought she was on yet another new form of fasting! Shall try that technique with my dc.

Racers · 28/09/2013 23:30

I thought it was fasting too. Having the same ratio would make it easier to remember but might not lead to the same great results :-)

NoComet · 28/09/2013 23:45

I fear my 12y DD would see through that one in about 20 seconds, but I'm glad it works for you.

Unfortunately DD2 has had too many school reports telling her how wonderful is is, and she can be, she can be absolutely perfect.

Only some times she chooses to be fantastically awkward.

chicaguapa · 29/09/2013 15:56

DD is as bright as a button and never responded to star charts etc, sensing manipulation from a mile off, but I do think this is more subtle. The praise has to be related to an action, not general. I suppose they feel like we're on at them the whole time about what they haven't done so they like it when we notice something they have. But then maybe she's having a few good days and it's unconnected. Grin

OP posts:
steppemum · 29/09/2013 21:08

I read this last night and today I made a concerted effort to do it today with ds, and actually it has made a difference, even if it is just to my mood!

chicaguapa · 29/09/2013 22:35

That's probably something to do with it. If you make sure you find lots of good things to praise, it makes you feel better towards them. They must be able to sense it so they back down. Confused

DD has been lovely and I'm getting lots of smiles and cuddles. She's shouting at DH though who isn't doing it and they are still fighting.

Very interesting!

OP posts:
NoComet · 29/09/2013 22:53

I've seen it work with younger DCs, and 'catching them being good' can break a negative cycle of nagging.

However, I'd be hard pressed to find six things to praise DD2 for that she would realise she was being praised for.

Yes I can say thanks for bring her plate down or putting her shoes away, but I'd say thanks anyway.

I could praise her for doing her German HW without being told 5 times, putting her clothes to wash and not leaving the towel on the floor, but pigs will fly before these things happen without prompting.

And anyway, she'd probably just think
I was being sarcastic (she knows full well how often she is told to do things and chooses to be awkward).

She can be an utter angel at school (except in German) and is far too used to lapping up praise and good reports.

Home is for letting off steam (and being sent to your room if you over do it).

BackforGood · 30/09/2013 17:36

Great news, I hope it continues Smile
It does work as an overall philosophy, with most of us, whatever age, IMO.

NoComet · 30/09/2013 23:51

Ah now general appreciation and thanks, we all appreciate.

It's trying to find specific small actions to praise, I think is in danger of feeling fake with an older DC.

DD2 greatly appreciates time spent watching and praising gymnastics, but would give me a look for saying well done you brought your plates down.

NoComet · 30/09/2013 23:54

I should add DD2 wants to be a teacher and spends too much time watching how her teachers control/fail to control their classes.

She tends to see through my efforts at phycology, just do it is far simpler.

supersalstrawberry · 01/10/2013 00:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MiniMonty · 01/10/2013 01:12

I'm honestly confused...
Where are these kids bringing their plates down FROM ?

NoComet · 01/10/2013 10:24

Their rooms, which if you are smug and pious they never enter in the first place.

However, if you have a DD who has always taken two hours to eat anything you gave up in family meals when she was 3.

DD2 just finds food boring, plonk her in front of the TV and she at least ate something and I didn't have a huge row with her pushing one bit of food round her plate.

As a teen her taste in TV is not always everyone elses so she buggers off sometimes.

Also everyone here takes glases, mugs and snacks all over the house and garden.

We live in the sticks, we spend enough time chatting in the car, for meal time talking to be unnecessary and anyhow DH isn't always back at a reasonable hour.

I generally believe if you bring up small DCs not to run riot (and I'm a wicked parent of younger DCs who shouted, smacked and sent to their room's DDs who pushed their luck) and give them lots of hugs, love, support and gradual freedom. You end up with nice teens how don't see any point in rebelling.

Works fine with DD1(15) who is no trouble at all. DD2(12) has her moments, but she doesn't keep it up.

OK living miles from any friends she can storm off to helps Grin

Turniptwirl · 06/10/2013 19:02

I think even if it doesn't have magical impacts on your DCs behaviour , it's good as parents to find the 6 things that are good, even if they are very small. It's so easy to find them irritating grumpy and unco operative that it takes reminding yourself that they're not like that all the time.

naturephoto19 · 11/10/2013 11:26

we too have been doing this with both our children and noticed a huge difference in how they respond positively to praise. Smile

HesMyLobster · 19/10/2013 23:15

I tried this for the first time this week too!

DD11 - (usually surly/door slamming/hates everybody and everything in the house) went into town with a friend today. When she returned she casually gave me a Maltesers bar.

Which she had bought.

For me

With her own money.

Because I'd said when the advert came on a few days ago that I'd like to try one.


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