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Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

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Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Preteens

Pocket money for a 12yr old?

44 replies

NettoSuperstar · 25/09/2013 18:40

How much do you give, and what are they expected to buy with it?

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17leftfeet · 25/09/2013 18:56

Mine gets £20 a month and has to buy credit for her phone and general 'stuff'

All essentials I buy her and a big trip out with friends to the cinema Etc I will pay for but they are still a rare occurrence

When she develops a but more of an independent social life I will review it

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Wiifitmama · 25/09/2013 19:04

My 12 year old son gets £2 a week but can spend it how he wants. He usually saves up for magazines, buys books etc.

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Sparklingbrook · 25/09/2013 19:09

DS2 is 11. At Middle School. He gets £3 a week, and I top up his phone as and when.

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BackforGood · 25/09/2013 19:49

£12 a month. We pay for 'subs' for things she belongs to, all clothes, etc. She pays for credit for phone, any presents she wants to buy, sweets, and (hasn't happened yet, but, as per my older two) if she wants to go to cinema or bowling or whatever with friends.
There is a bit of extra money (eg for sweets) if she's careful with her dinner money - she gets enough for a full dinner and pudding but doesn't always spend the full amount and keeps any change.

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NettoSuperstar · 25/09/2013 20:02

Oh god, am I so out of touch or a complete mug?
I was thinking £15 a week, and I'd pay for her phone and all essentials.

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Sparklingbrook · 25/09/2013 20:04

Blimey-that's v generous. DS1 is 14 and gets £5.

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Hulababy · 25/09/2013 20:05

DD is 11y and just started y7.

She currently gets £4 a week. It goes up by 50p on each birthday. That is hers to spend as she wishes. She generally saves it though and uses it for holiday spends, days out gift shops, saves for a specific item.

On top of this we pay for all of her clothes and her mobile phone. DH always gives her loose change during the week too for tuck, meeting friends at coffee shop once a week after school, bus fares...

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NettoSuperstar · 25/09/2013 21:02

That's the thing Hulababy, she's never had pocket money before, just me giving her money as and when.
Since she's been at high school, she wants to go to Costa with her friends, and there's talk of them getting the train to school (totally walkable btw).
I'm wanting to stop the handing her money.
That said, I don't want to curb her fun, and I'd rather she was in Costa than hanging around the streets, particularly as the nights draw in.

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NettoSuperstar · 25/09/2013 21:06

Sparkling, what do you do if he wants to go to the cinema for eg?
Surely that costs more than £4, or does he have to save?

That's not a criticism btw, I'm just trying to work out how much to give with no extra handouts, but still not too much that a bit of budgeting isn't necessary.

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ELR · 25/09/2013 21:14

Dd 11 used to get £20 per month, but we always forgot to give it to her so now we pay for her phone and I top up her Starbucks card every now and again and I give her a fiver when she goes swimming on a weekend.

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Sparklingbrook · 25/09/2013 21:15

He hasn't gone to the cinema on his own/with mates yet, so if he did I would pay for that-he could buy the refreshments himself.

He often goes into our local smallish town and he uses his own money to buy whatever he wants then. He has a Barclayplus account with a debit card so that's convenient.

Your DD sounds a bit more sociable-going to Costa etc. Their prices are £££s too.

Sounds like she would need more than DS2 gets because of her social life.

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ELR · 25/09/2013 21:16

I would say if she has to pay for everything including the cinema herself then £15 a week is fine.

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FreckledLeopard · 25/09/2013 21:21

I'm considering starting an allowance for DD (12), in Year 8, of £40 per month, of which clothes, entertainment, birthday presents for friends, snacks at school etc comes out of. I will still pay for her phone. Given there are lots of parties, sleepovers, shopping trips etc I think it's reasonable.

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snigger · 25/09/2013 21:26

Mine (DD1 13, DD2 11) get a pound a day each. They get paid monthly, when I get paid. From this, they have to save 20% and they march into the bank with their passbooks quite happily.

From what's left, they can spend £2.50 max on sugary crap or Doritos or whatever guff I won't buy.

To be honest, the first few months they blitzed, but slowly and surely, they're starting to click, and DD2 particularly is hanging onto her dosh and budgeting for the month.

If we go out to movies etc I pay, but from 'their' money they are expected to buy any clothes they particularly want - I'm responsible for uniforms, basic jeans, trainers, etc, but that £12.99 top they love love love? Their money.

They also buy gifts etc from their cash, along with nail varnish, books, etc, and their savings are spent on holidays or on long term goals like laptops (DD1 bless her has £45 in her laptop fund, it grows by £2 a month at the moment)

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MissStrawberry · 25/09/2013 21:36

We have tried all sorts of ways but all mine get £4 a week (they had a slight increase in the summer holidays but had to pay for some of their own ice creams, they got £5, was £3 before) and they have to save at least £1 of it every week into their bank account. This is an account for them to see the bank book and watch it increase. Not allowed to take anything out yet. We have proper savings for them they don't know about.

They can spend it on what they want with us having a veto if necessary.

I pay for everything else, provide snacks for school but will allow them to use pocket money for school tuck shop if they are rejecting my bought snacks. Occasionally I will give them money for the tuck shop on top of pocket money.

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NettoSuperstar · 25/09/2013 22:30

DD hasn't been to the cinema with her friends yet either, just wondering how that worked with train fare etc.

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BackforGood · 25/09/2013 22:35

The thing is, it depends a lot on your dcs experience and expectations.
I genuinely don't think any of my dc would ever dream of "going to Costa with their mates after school" - ok, partially because they already have quite a walk home and there's no Costa or similar anywhere near that walk mainly because it's just not something they've ever been used to - It's not something dh or I have ever done, and I just don't think it would occur to them, any more than going into a betting shop or something. It's not that they wouldn't be allowed, it just would never cross their minds. My dc go to friends house, or the park, or friends come here after school if they want to be with their friends. It's not that there is anything wrong with going to Costa, but if you've never done it, then it just doesn't cross your mind. Whereas, if they have been used to going in on a weekly basis with you, then, if you don't give them enough to fund it, you are, in effect 'depriving' them of something they see as a normal habit. Does that make sense ?

Same applies for other things people chuck in on threads like this .... how do they afford the cinema / a magazine / going into town with mates on a Saturday / or whatever - you need to give them enough to cover this, if that's what thy see as normal weekly activities, but if it's an occasional, twice a year type thing, so they've not been used to doing them or getting them, then less money is fine as they've plenty of time to develop a savings pot.

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treehouselover · 26/09/2013 18:26

My DD (11) gets £11 a month directly into her bank, and she has a card so she can withdraw it if she wants. When she turns 12 next month it will go up to £12. This has been the arrangement since she was very little (£1 per year of age)

I suspect this arrangement will need reviewing soon though. It's always been for her to spend or save for luxuries eg a few sweets, magazine, a book or toy or similar. Now she's at high school, she does occasionally spend it on trips out eg she took her friend out for fish and chips at the end of year 6, but I did feel a bit guilty because she blew the whole month's worth in one go.

I pay for her phone (£7.50 a month capped contract) and she gets all her clothes, shoes etc with birthday money or Christmas money, and she hasn't started with cinema trips yet.

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Lottie4 · 27/09/2013 14:53

At the moment I have quite a low maintenance daughter and she gets £6 a month. A couple of times a month she'll spend a pound or so on chocolate when she's with friends, but doesn't use it all and has £150 sat upstairs which she doesn't know what she wants to spend it on!

Most of her friends like to hang around eachothers houses, but if she does go out with their families then I buy sweets for children in the family, pay for cinema ticket using Tescos clubcard vouchers or give her some money towards the cost of rides at the fair. I'd say this amounts to approx £3 a month on average. I buy all the general toiletries she needs, although if she sees something special she buys it out of her own money.

We agreed to pay for phone top up or contract if top up got too expensive. Her friends don't use their phones much and she still has £1 credit after it was topped up £10 in Sept 2012!

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NettoSuperstar · 27/09/2013 19:42

£6 a month?
Do you buy treats in the weekly shop?
DD loves chocolate and fizzy juice, I haven't been buying it as standard as I don't like either, but I do buy myself nice bits.
I was giving DD money for cans of coke/biscuits/choc and realised that it was costing me more to buy it this way, and also, that my treats (cheese) are quite dear, so have started including some fizzy/biscuits in with the shopping.
I always ask her if she wants anything, but she'll just generally tell me of shampoo/facewash/sanitary stuff she wants, nothing extravagant.

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Ireallymustbemad · 29/09/2013 09:56

My 12yo gets £20 per month (£15 into bank account that he has a cash card for and can access whenever he wants and £5 cash). I also pay for his phone contract at £10 per month.

It does stop most of the begging for cash but not all. If I have him it all in cash it'd be spent at the corner shop on sweets. The 9yo gets £15 per month and no phone yet, £10 into bank and £5 cash and always saves carefully and doesn't waste his money. So different attitudes!

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Lottie4 · 29/09/2013 14:31

NettoSuperStar, I don't specifically buy treats for just her, but at weekends we may all have a choccie bar or piece of cake each day and if the adults are having some wine/can lager, then we offer our daughter some coke - the only fizzy drink she will touch and she rarely finishes the can. I suppose she's just got used to what she's given. She takes £3 to school every day as a back up in case she forgets her lunch, gets hungry, and the only time she's spent some of it is when I forgot to pack a morning snack.

I'm sure the time will come when she wants more money, but while she's not spending it, there seems little point in increasing it.

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jennifersofia · 29/09/2013 23:29

Do your dc have to do chores or anything to 'earn' the money, or is it just given?
Mine (12, 10) get £1.50 / £1 per week, but don't have to do any chores to get it, and they can spend it on what they like, which (unfortunately!) is almost always sweets.
I would like to change this, but am worried that if I did, for instance give £15/month than that would be spent entirely on junk food. Obviously you can say that they are only allowed to spend a certain amount on sweets, but in reality, if the cash is there, I think it would be very hard to police. How do you prevent this?

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Ireallymustbemad · 30/09/2013 08:04

Jennifersofia - that's exactly why mine only get a fiver in cash, they actually have to think to get the rest of it out of tre bank (and they are free to do so but the nearest cashpoint is 2miles away).

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lovetoski · 30/09/2013 08:14

Ds 12 gets £12 per month going up to £13 very soon. He also get £1 for each school merit which I hope encourages him to work extra hard. He has to unload dishwasher, keep room tidy. We pay cheap monthly mobile.,he is yr8 and just starting to go to the cinema, costa coffee if school out early. He is saving hard for a new laptop. If he didn't have any money would still give it if it meant he was going out with friends rather than being indoors on PC or xbox

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