Is it normal for my dd just to bring other kids round?

[katrina81]

My dd is nearly 12 and has just started high school, she is my first born so I am all new at this stuff.

She has a friend from primary who has latched on to my dd. They walk to and from school together which is fine, she lives about a 10 min walk away.

This child keeps coming home with DD after school, coming right in the house begging for DD to go with her to her house I keep telling her no DD has homework etc. She turned up yesterday as we were having tea and just came in and said I will wait till you have finished, then DD went to the park with her and DD was a bit late home. This girl then come in again and basically I had to tell her to go in the end.

When I was at school you made prearranged visits to someones house maybe once a week or so. But this is turning into a daily event. This girl just wanders in and I am feeling uncomfortable in my own home. My DD is shy and quite easily led.

Is this normal once kids grow up or should I tell this girl not to come back unless invited.

I agree Cory,I want this to be a home where ds brings his mates over. I'd much rather they were here than on a street corner looking for trouble. also I can eavesdrop on their conversations

We've always had an extra kid or two in the house and sleepovers are common.

Absolutely, cory.

It sounds to me as if your DD's new friend may have some issues at home :(
Obviously that doesn't make her your problem exactly, but if it was one of my DD's friends I would want to (gently) find out if there was a problem.

Absolutely agree with the 4:30pm cut off for after school socialising, though - going to introduce that for my 2 dd's - great idea!

Coming in without knocking is not on, but otherwise I wouldn't have an issue.

Kids come to the door, they usually ask if my sons are free and if we are in the middle of dinner etc then I say not at moment but give them a convenient time to come back either that day or another day. If one of the boys answer the door then it's up to them but then they will shout to ask, how long until dinner etc. They know if they have any homework or activities that day.

Your daughter is almost 12 and in High school, she should be able to make her own arrangments from within whatever boundaries you have set. I'd work with her on that and if she doesn't want to play with the girls but feels obliged, support her in saying No, even if she has to make you the bad guy i.e. "Sorry I can't come out just now, my mum says we are about to have dinner/I've got homework/i've got chores/i'm feeling tired" etc etc.

Thanks all for your help and insights. DD said that she doesn't really like this girl that much so I told her just to say "Mum says I have got to much homework" etc. She doesn't hang round with this girl at school at all, as this girl has other friends.

We live in an estate with a lot of kids and some do knock on for her and they are more that happy to come back later if we are eating etc, but this just makes me sound so awful, I just have a bad feeling about this girl :-(