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Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Preteens

Yr 7 boys - what do they get up to socially?

25 replies

Whatwouldyousay · 17/06/2013 21:51

My DS is coming to the end of year 7 and isn't yet 12 (August baby). He really struggled with the transition to Secondary (all boys) and found the boys 'mean' and 'rough'. He's very sporty and has now settled in and found his niche in a couple of sports teams.

My query is about what your boys do socially? The only thing mine does is meet a couple of the others to play tennis/football sometimes at the weekends (he's sport mad). He has no interest in technology and has never had a DS/Wii/Playstation and has always said he's not bothered and doesn't want one (though enjoys playing it when going to friends' houses).

He says all his friends are on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter (he's not interested in any thank goodness) and I'm wondering if he's missing out socially because of it. I'm friends with one of the mums on FB and saw a message she put on her son's page which lead me to see the whole group of boys commenting/chatting/exchanging messages together in a tone that seemed much older than mine. I'm starting to notice a HUGE gap in maturity between them - most his friends are September babies so almost a year older and now nearly teenagers.

My DS seems content and is quite self-contained and happy in his own company (an only child) but I'm just curious as to when it all balances out.

Tell me what your yr 7 boys get up to.

OP posts:

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LondonBus · 17/06/2013 21:56

My DS is in Y9, but in Y7 he went on FB (from his DSi - took a few weeks for me to notice!) and played on his PS1...but he's more into computers than sports.

He only met up with friends when I or another mum arranged it. They would play computer games, go to the park for a bit and buy sweets and tango, and think they were being wild for indulging in foodstuffs they knew their parents would disprove of.

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toolatetobed · 18/06/2013 00:06

Re activities that are not organised activities, my Year 7 DS will spend hours on Minecraft (which he plays with his friends as well as alone) but also had a recent phase of going off to play in the local woods building a den and getting wet and muddy in the stream (always with friends, never alone). I know a lot of the Year 7 boys meet up at the park with their scooters. My son has asked to go on FB but knows the answer is not until he's 13. Have never heard him mention Twitter or Instagram.

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Madmog · 18/06/2013 10:31

I know you're asking about boys, but I have a Year 7 girl. Since moving to Year 7 she has seen far less of her friends outside school. She knows they are welcome here. However, she constantly has contact with her two friends using facetime(!) on their Ipads/Ipods - they are constantly talking this way. We are having to consider whether to extend out broadband to unlimited as we are always nagging her to come off. If she has her friends around, they I usually find one on the computer and one on the laptop playing the same game. Many of them seem to be focussed on technology, but there are other things in life. With the holidays coming up, perhaps, you could suggest he does something sporty with the ones he sometimes sees at weekends and they can come back to yours for the rest of the day or go off for an hour locally together. I understand you may not want him on facebook yet, but perhaps you could suggest he tries another setting up something on the computer for the school holidays so he can keep in touch with what everyone is doing.

With reference to the comment that what the others are posting seems so much more mature, it might be that when he's with them he's the same, but still your son at home. My friend recently had four new boys her son had met back to her house and she was shocked as how grown up they were together and how her son really was one of the group (she had previously thought he was just tagging along with them).

This last month I've seen more of them wanting to be independent from us, wanting to pop to the shops with her friends after school, went to local village fair on their own, saw film at cinema on their own (although I took them in and sorted tickets). She wants to do McDonalds with a friend in the hols, but have made in clear to both I'll be coming in with them and will only leave them for 20mins on their own while eating.

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ThreeBeeOneGee · 18/06/2013 16:34

Y8 boy:

He goes to organised activities that his friends also go to (rugby fitness training, Scouts, youth groups).

Online: Twitter since 12th birthday, Facebook since 13th birthday.

Apart from that, not much. He says he spends all day surrounded by teenage boys, so when he gets home he wants a break and some solitude (reading, Minecraft, YouTube).

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mintchocchick · 18/06/2013 22:50

What does your son do after school each day whatwouldyousay?

My DS who is 12 is an autumn born, seems like a teen physically but has not started on teen interests. He is still a boy in terms of those. He goes to scouts, plays cricket, other sport, goes to visit friends but all organised through me though I'm trying to get him to send his own texts to sort out weekend activities, but it's not working!

When his friends come over they play Minecraft, the Wii or card games. They eat huge quantities, leap all over each other, tease each other about stuff but its all very innocent. No girls are mentioned, no secretive phone stuff, it's all just playful, noisy boy stuff! None of them are on FB twitter or any if that - enough trouble getting DS to send a text let alone him tweeting!

Your son sounds happy, so I'd relax while you can!

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meditrina · 18/06/2013 23:00

Mine likes his screen time, but not social media: it's all Minecraft and Clash of Clans (thy do chat whilst playing, but it's all about the game).

Face to face, it seems to be endless games with Yu-Gi-Oh cards.

Still "girls, yuck" (phew)

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meditrina · 18/06/2013 23:01

Oh, and he's looking forward to staying at his rural aunt's this summer, as he can cut things down and burn them.

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cornyblend37 · 18/06/2013 23:02

I wouldn't worry too much about being on social networking sites - they don't all go on them.
Sport is an excellent way to socialise.

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BackforGood · 23/06/2013 17:17

My dcs didn't get into FB etc until they were old enough (you are supposed to be 13+).
In Yr7 and 8 (and, IME, Yrs 9, 10, and 11 too) I think it's fairly normal for boys not to socialise with school friends particularly. My ds has always been very outgoing / sociable / chatty but has the organisational skills of a rabbit, so never met up with people at weekends, etc.
Like others upthread though, in Yr7 he was swimming 3 nights a week, and at Scouts another, so, by the time you add in camps and other activities, he was socialising quite a lot, but all with 'organised' stuff, rather than 'getting off my backside and phoning someone to arrange it' stuff.

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Kithulu · 23/06/2013 17:32

My DS just turned 12 and got a nice laptop from GPs. He is currently on skype and minecraft with group of friends. This is very new to us and I think its fab! Before he didn't really see much of friends out of school.

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lljkk · 23/06/2013 17:42

DS is y8... given the chance he searches for & watches minecraft videos, fantasises about the BB gun he'd like, searches for porn, overwhelmed by the FB feed which they can't somehow figure out how to moderate, hanging out, computer games, nerd gun & pretend army battles, mine craft, skyping to flirt with girls, scouts, trying to figure out programming, BMXing or den building in the woods.

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ThreeBeeOneGee · 23/06/2013 20:38

DS1 has just started the Skype / Minecraft combination with a couple of friends from school. This is on a laptop in a communal, family room and because he's wearing headphones and a microphone, he doesn't realise how loud he is getting. In the last few days, I've had more of an insight into his life and friendships than I had for the whole of the previous 21 months!

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ThreeBeeOneGee · 23/06/2013 20:44

"Oh my dayz! I just fell off the world again, I'm such a noob... Oh sick! I've just found a [insert minecraft jargon]; beast! ... That's peak, that guy just punched me with a fish."

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nohalfmeasures · 23/06/2013 20:46

Organised activities mainly, but sees all his mates there.

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CinnamonAddict · 23/06/2013 20:48

My year7 boy isn't on FB or any other social media site.

He doesn't do much sports, only table tennis, once at an after school club and at the week end in a different (serious) club.
He has one really close friend, and they spend time together outside school. At least once a week friend is here and my ds is at friend's house. They have regular sleepovers at each other's houses.

Other than that my son has a choir commitment, he spends every Sunday morning at his church with the other choir boys messing about rehearsing and singing in the service.

He has 1hour of computer time which he spends playing Minecraft with friends abroad (skyping, etc).

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CinnamonAddict · 23/06/2013 20:51

Oh, and he builds games with Scratch with his friend which they then test on Dd2

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CatsAndTheirPizza · 26/06/2013 21:15

Yep, Minecraft. Lots of school arranged out of school activities (mostly technology or music related), no sports, cycles at home, swims, no Facebook (hasn't asked ... answer would be 'no'), youth club, has phone so can call or text friends, but doesn't tend to. Likes making and editing little plays with his brothers. He is allowed to walk into town with friends.

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Hugglepuff · 27/06/2013 10:50

My ds is in year 7. He likes mine craft at friend's house - but we don't have it here. He likes playing on the wii with his friends or listening to music on You Tube. He also goes to Youth theatre, running club twice a week and a church youth group. He has joined two after school athletics sessions. Not really interested in FB or Twitter. He spent yesterday evening having a huge water fight with his friends !

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50shadesofvomit · 27/06/2013 11:20

Mine likes Minecraft and World of Warcraft and testing the porn filter.

He goes to sports clubs after school twice a week, goes to /has a sleepover once a month. The sleepovers are about computer games, movies and eating loads. He meets friends if the weather is good and they go cinema, swimming or to the stunt park with scooters then pop to the shops or McD's afterwards. I've trained him to cook simple meals which he enjoys so I get to MN

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50shadesofvomit · 27/06/2013 11:21

My son has FB but it seems that it's mainly his female friends who post pics and messages. His friends seem to prefer Skype/text.

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CatsAndTheirPizza · 27/06/2013 22:40

OP - I also think that near year's difference from being August (or July in our case) born, is huge. If he is happy being self contained, then I'm sure he will be fine.

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Loshad · 29/06/2013 20:36

Mine has facebook but rarely posts (i am his friend on there !)
He plays an insane amount of sport both at school, after school clubs at school, topped up with local membership of rugby and cricket clubs.
Also does scouts. He does not spend loads of time with his friends outside of these organised activities, but does occasional sleepovers.
By the time he has done all his sport, eaten and done his homework (very keen and self driven) it is usually time for bed. He does like playing clash of clans on my iPad if he gets some spare time.

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valiumredhead · 01/07/2013 10:35

Ds is in yr 7 he - likes xbox but usually only when mates are over which is a lot, we seem to always have an extra body or two about the house.

They go to the park or into town to spend pocket money.

He plays tennis, had coaching lessons but goes to the courts to play with his mates too.

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bigTillyMint · 04/07/2013 21:57

DS is in Y7. He is also very sporty and trains/plays a lot of football on the weekend as well as after-school football. He is currently playing a bit of tennis and swimming plus cycling too to keep his "off-season" fitness up!

He has an xbox but rarely plays on it unless he has friends round. He is not remotely interested in Minecraft, etc! He has instagram and a smartphone - loads of texting/calls, but is not allowed FB yet.

He spends quite a bit of time hanging out with mates at the park/round their houses/here, but also likes spending time doing sporty stuff with DH, watching TV and annoying his sister

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SovaMaminka · 12/07/2013 18:12

Mainly organized sport clubs in/out of school with mates and meet ups/sleepovers. Either with big group or 1/2 friends. Doesn't do facebook/twitter/whatever but has twitter account because school departments put all info on there.
He is not big on xboxes, play stations but has a wii he will happily play on with siblings.

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