My feed

to access all these features

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.


discovery or masturbation

19 replies

saramomof1 · 14/05/2013 01:50

I am going out on a limb with this. I have viewed other posts and I see how some people get slammed or judged and labled as being a troll . I am really confused about this situation and I talked with a couple of people who have told me to just post it.

I have a 12 year old son,,, I caught him self pleasuring himself a few nights ago . I didn't actually catch him in the act but found his ejaculate in tissues which was on the coffee table. He was down in the den watching TV while I was cookling dinner and he must have fell asleep. When I came down to get him for dinner, I noticed the tissues on the table. I woke him up, and just walked upstairs. I didn't say anything to him as I don't know what to say. I needed to calm down because I was shocked. I was upset that he just left this in the open and I am having anxiety now because of this..

I am not sure if I am over reacting but it made me feel very uncomfortable . I am a single parent and I know it's my responsiblity to talk to him but it's not easy.

Any suggestions

OP posts:
ComposHat · 14/05/2013 02:05

He had a wank.... and the problem is?

He's polishing his own porpoise, no harm will come of it and you don't need to have the 'safe wanking talk'

Get used to it, because teenagers wank... a lot.

MrsBranestawm · 14/05/2013 02:25

I am really confused about this situation

What confuses you? It is really very normal, as Compos says.

The only "talk" I can think of having with him would be regarding privacy (is the den the right place etc etc) and that he shouldn't leave tissues lying around for you to clear up.

saramomof1 · 14/05/2013 02:35

I am more upset that I found his ejaculate as I think it's very disrespectful. I am sure he didn't mean to leave it out in the open but now if I say anything, he will know that I know he masturbated.

OP posts:
ripsishere · 14/05/2013 02:57

I think I'd be inclined to say something along the lines of 'you must have had a really snotty nose, please don't leave your tissues on the table'.
Disclaimer - I have a daughter.

MrsBranestawm · 14/05/2013 04:08

Well, perhaps you could either go with Rip's idea or let it go for now. Next time it happens (and there will be a next time!) I would just say, "Clear up your rubbish please".

I understand what you say about disrespect, and teenagers leaving grotty things lying about. My tactic is to be brusque about it, even to the point of embarrassing them (the DC), because that seems to work for me.

scaevola · 14/05/2013 06:34

Ignore the masturbation.

Tell him firmly about no littering indoors (even if it was, say, snot on the tissue, you'd still expect him to bin it).

usualsuspect · 14/05/2013 06:47

I would just say, please don't leave dirty tissues on the table and leave it at that.

Bowlersarm · 14/05/2013 06:53

You are making a big deal about nothing. At least he used tissues! Don't embarrass him about it, and I echo other people saying if it happens again simply "please clear your rubbish away. Do not leave it for other people to tidy up after you."

seeker · 14/05/2013 06:54

Ignore the masturbation aspect. I go ballistic if my children leave any sort of litter about. I don't mind untidiness- but leaving litter is a zero tolerance offence.

saramomof1 · 14/05/2013 23:44

Thank you all for your input as I understand where each of you are talking about. My biggest issue and it seems I cant get over the situation is coming across his ejaculate. I am very embarrassed, and frankly upset by this. I never in a million years would ever think I would see his mess.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 14/05/2013 23:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

hhhhhhh · 14/05/2013 23:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

soaccidentprone · 14/05/2013 23:58

Oh dear

I'm sure it must have been a shock to experience your son is growing up, however I'm sure you're going to be even more shocked in the future. I suggest you need to mentally toughen up a bit (meant in the nicest possible way) as I'm sure you'll you discover a lot more about teenage boys as time passes.

You need to be matter of fact about it, and just tell him to clean up his mess, and in future there are some things which should be kept private.

Maybe a wank sock would be better than tissuesGrin

piprabbit · 15/05/2013 00:00

He fell asleep and forgot.
He is probably twice as mortified as you are.
His wanking is not a direct challenge to you. It is not even something you need to raise with him. Tackle the littering and get over yourself.

saramomof1 · 18/05/2013 03:35

Thank you all for your advice. I see and know it's normal. I just have a hard time knowing my 12 year old son is masturbating. Is this more about touching his penis because it feels good or is it possible he is actually having sexual thoughts and is this happening now at age 12.

So I saw my son, just touching his penis ( dressed of course ) while watching TV in the living room. I said, why dont you go to your bedroom for a bit... Now I was very impressed on how I handled the situation but at the same time,,, seeing him go to his room, I now know why he is going to his room, which is to touch his penis. That is very awkward to me.

You tell your son, please go to your room but then he goes but now you know why he is going to his room. Just a bit uncomfortable to me to know he is actually masturbating .

OP posts:
WakeyCakey · 18/05/2013 11:06

It doesn't sound like you and your son are very he not allowed to touch his penis over his trousers in your company??

ripsishere · 20/05/2013 02:24

I honestly think you are over thinking this. He's a boy, who is able to ejaculate. Ejaculation happens at orgasm. Orgasm feels nice...
It doesn't take a genius to work it out.
Give him a break.

nooka · 20/05/2013 02:39

My ds is 14 and we've yet to have this particular problem, but if I did I'd just ask him if he'd been having a wank and in future to do it somewhere else/ clear up. But we tend to have quite frank conversations in our house (and I would have zero problem if he was embarrassed).

Sounds like that wouldn't really work for you, but it's fine to be direct, or to say that there are some things to be done privately. If you feel anxious about talking to him about sexual matters is there a trusted man in the family or among your friends who can chat with him instead?

He will need some guidance. To be honest I think once you start talking about this sort of thing it gets easier.

Meringue33 · 20/05/2013 03:16
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.