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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

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Original poster

Rejected birthday present

12 replies

kernowal · 21/02/2013 11:00

DD is 11 today. We gave her a stunt scooter, which she had hoped to get for Christmas, but from the look on her face it was obviously the wrong one. Then, to make matters worse, she told us what she didn't like about it in an honest but tactless way. She had been planning exactly what she wanted for such a long time, that I think she just opened her mouth without thinking in the heat of the moment.

DD has sobbed her heart out and genuinely apologised. DH is fuming and wants to return the scooter to the shop and give the money to charity. We're all sitting in different rooms. How do I rescue what should have been a lovely day?

OP posts:

Sparkletastic · 21/02/2013 11:04

I feel for your DD tbh - she clearly desperately wanted a particular model. Did she not tell you which or was it unaffordable? I think getting the wrong version of something is worse than not getting it all sometimes. Can it be taken back? If the one she wants is more can she save pocket money to make up difference. Your DH is being more childish than she is.

Original poster

kernowal · 21/02/2013 11:10

Thanks for your sympathy! It was one that she had put on the list but it obviously didn't live up to expectations, which is why DH is so cross. All 3 of us feel rotten!

OP posts:

Sparkletastic · 21/02/2013 11:15

Ah so she'd actually asked for the wrong model? There's no point in apportioning blame. I come down hard on ingratitude with my DDs too but she clearly feels bad. Returning it still best bet and exchanging for different model if that's possible unless she wants to reconsider?

Has DH pulled himself together??

Nice lunch out to save the day? Trip to cinema whilst emotions calm down?

Sparkletastic · 21/02/2013 11:16

By the way - I feel for you so much trying to make it all better!

christinarossetti · 21/02/2013 11:21

Take it back, get her to show you the one that she wants, accept that it could have all gone more smoothly but these things are resolvable.

Hope that you all enjoy the rest of her birthday.

Original poster

kernowal · 21/02/2013 11:21

I think I'll just skulk by the computer for a bit longer....!

OP posts:

LadyKinbote · 21/02/2013 11:29

If she's apologised for being rude I'd swap it for the one she wants. DH is presumably just disappointed the day went wrong. I'd reassure him that she has apologised and understands she was wrong but it would be a lovely gesture to get her the one she wants instead.

Catsdontcare · 21/02/2013 11:37

Oh dear. This reminds me of last year when we got ds a bike but it had no gears, he banged on for weeks afterwards about when would he get a bike with gears (he's 7) would he get one when he was 8, child x has a bike with gears etc etc. I did end up losing my rag with him and telling him how ungrateful he was and if he ever mentioned gears again I would give his bike away

I think other posters are right though when they want something desperately they build it up in their minds and have a perfect image of what it will be and do and unfortunately they aren't socially sophisticated enough to hide any disappointment.

If she'd had a total diva strop about it and stormed off then I would agree with your DH but sounds like she is probably feeling pretty rotten now. Tell her your not changing the scooter and then draw a line under it.

basildonbond · 21/02/2013 13:07

oh your poor dd and poor you - you all sound like you're feeling utterly miserable

can you calm your dh down and go out and have a treat for the rest of the day - personally I'd take the scooter back and change it for one which is exactly right - if it's more expensive then your dd should pay for the difference as she'll almost certainly get birthday money

it sounds like she's learned a lesson about being tactless so there's no point in punishing her further - and as a PP said having set your heart on something and then it being not quite right is such a disappointment

you don't all want to look back on her 11th birthday and shudder!

Madmog · 21/02/2013 13:57

Hope you have managed to agree on something with dh now. If not, try pointing out that you are all disappointed and upset. Even if he isn't happy with your daughter and the issue over the scooter can't be resolved today, it's her birthday and you personally want to enjoy the rest of the day, so perhaps a truce can be agreed for this evening.

Original poster

kernowal · 21/02/2013 17:05

Sanity restored! Italian for lunch, so we all bonded again as we watched our drinks order go from table to table when the waiter got lost (the peroni probably helped DH's temper!). I had a UTube clip showing exactly the same scooter being used for somersaults playing in the background of my desktop, so DD begged DH to build it for her. Last seen scooting off into the distance, having learnt a valuable lesson on tact & diplomacy.

Thanks for all your suggestions.

OP posts:

Madmog · 22/02/2013 09:58

What a relief! I think we can all learn from this - make sure we get them what they want, or if we have to go down the line of another option warn them beforehand. It probably did you all good to get out and focus on something nice, especially if a drink was involved for the adults!

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