DS1's school is open. He usually gets the bus and has too today as we can't drive after 8 hours of continuous snow. I wanted to walk to the bus stop with him in case he fell over and the bus didn't come. He did not want me too. He later snapped he'd be teased for being a mummy's boy. He went alone. I may have acted like a two year old as I didn't say bye. Normally he texts to say he is on the bus okay. He has texted DH instead so another one having a strop. DH said I should pick my battles and is fed up of the arguments, with DS1 and I, I suspect he means.
DS1 just texted me, he is at school okay.
I love this child so much. My first born, my heart, and it breaks my heart he treats me like I am nothing some times. We used to be so close and now it feels like he isn't bothered about me and doesn't need me anymore (unless he wants a lift).
I have felt like this for a while, not just over this morning.
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Is this normal and how do I deal with it as I am pretty upset?
JustFabulous · 21/01/2013 08:05
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I worry for you OP. I worry that you have immersed your whole self into being a mum and wife, to the point where you don't know who you are anymore and you are using your DC to fulfil your emotional needs by gauging how.worthy you are as a person based on how much love and appreciation your DC show you.
I worry that you see any independence your DC or your DH exercise as a direct rejection of you as a person, if that involves your DC or your DH not needing you for anything you want to feel needed by them for.
I worry that in what feels like no time at all, your DC will be fully independent adults and rather than feel proud and ready to bark on the next chapter of your life, you will cling to your DC well into their adulthood because when the time comes that they no longer need you in the way you want to be needed. . . . . where will that leave you?
I worry you have invested so much of yourself in your DC, and need your DC to fulfill your emotional needs so much that you will find it impossible to ever let your DC become independent adults.
Honestly OP, how are you going to feel when your DC reach 18 and you don't have access to their every movement, how will you satisfy your need to show you care if your DC refuse your offers of help, your offers of helping?
l fear you are going to feel so rejected, and therefore so much a failure that you will cling on even tighter and your DC will feel they have to let you do whatever you need to so you don't feel rejected.
As I said earlier, this is all about you OP.
Children are never meant to remain childlike and in need of guidance and help as children do forever. Your DS is beginning to show signs of independence which is a great thing, but to you, it is a great loss and I fear you will fight it all the way, by whatever means you can, to get your needs met.
I believe you found the baby stage easier. When is a person more needy and dependent than when they are babies?
By always referring to your awful childhood, it's almost as if you are saying you can't change anything because who you are has already been carved in stone.
I think it would certainly make your life a lot easier if your DC didn't show desires to be independent, and remained needy and dependent for as long as you need them too. 
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I know you have felt very upset by the worst case scenarios detailled by some posters ("he will want to distance himself from you", "you won't be so close").
But there is another type of scenario to think about too:
My mother made a very conscious effort to let me have my freedom. She let me try water sports, skating on the lake, being out an about on my own.
When I went on a foreign language trip, she saw me off- and did not cry until she had turned the corner.
When I went to university she made herself only ring me once a week, at a pre-arranged time, and made it very clear that she understood that I might not be in.
She is now in her 80s, we are still very close and I can think of those years with a warm happy glow, because she never made me feel guilty about growing up.
Growing up was inevitable but she made it easy.
That is something you and your son can have.
She makes good cakes, too 
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