My feed

to access all these features

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.


Problems with 9yo dd

9 replies

CocktailQueen · 01/12/2012 11:13

DD seems to be starting puberty early and can be quite smelly even with bathing every day. I make sure she puts on deodorant and body spray in the mornings - she doesn't remember or seem bothered, even if I show her her shirts at the end of the day and ask her, does it smell nice? Do you want your friends to say you smell? Because they will - you know what kids are like.

Also, she doesn't like going to the loo at school and will come home at the end of each day and spend ages in the loo having very smelly poos. She swears she's not constipated but this is not normal. She doesn't want to talk about it at all but her pants are dirty every day and her Pjs too. Help!! Advice please?

Is there a strong deodorant on the market that is OK for children to use? And should I take dd to the GP (again) about her poo problems? We saw a specialist about 18 months ago who said she was fine and she'd grow out of these poo issues. She used to drink loads of water and eat loads of frui but she's less keen on both now, and I have said to her, you have to keep drinking and eating fibre and fruit to keep your bowels regular and not get constipated. Any help would be appreciated.

OP posts:
D0oinMeCleanin · 01/12/2012 11:17

Poor thing really doesn't need bullies, does she, with her mum making such a song and dance about it Sad

Just make sure she has clean clothes on and bathes everyday. Fresh sweat does not smell, stale sweat does.

ihearsounds · 01/12/2012 12:24

You tell her everyday she smells, do you realise the emotional scarring you are inflicting? I was told daily I smelt, now I have at least 2 showers a day because irrationally I am convinced I smell.
No wonder she will only do a poo at home. If her mum thinks shes stinks that bad she won't want others to know about that. Even more so when you go on daily about how much she smells, and saying Do you want your friends to say you smell? Because they will

CocktailQueen · 01/12/2012 15:09

I try not to make a song and dance about it, thank you, but what am I supposed to do when dd doesn't listent o me? Just let her go out as she is?? And her poos are only smelly when she's having a poo issue - the rest of the time they are absolutely fine. I just want her to be a little more aware of herself. She goes to moddie, school next year and I want her to be more confident - and sorting these things will both help. Thanks so much for your helpful posts. Not.

OP posts:
D0oinMeCleanin · 01/12/2012 15:11

I won't poo in public toilets. Never have done. I am perfectly healthy. I go on a morning and on an evening.

The smell depends on what you are eating/drinking.

EMS23 · 01/12/2012 15:19

I don't understand the "poo issue" - is it just that she waits to get home because I and my DH both do that. I thought it was normal!
Or is there more to the poo thing, I can't tell from your OP?

As for personal hygiene, could you turn it into a positive thing perhaps? A lovely dressing table and mirror in her room, choose some really girly sprays etc, have a pamper day together?

purpleroses · 01/12/2012 16:59

Not sure about the poo thing but BO and a need for deodrants is not uncommon at 9. My DS has been using deodrant since he was 8 - even though no other signs of puberty til 11. I had to nag him to use it and tell him when he was smelly most of the time - much kinder than letting kids at school point it out. He's 12 now and just the last year or so has taken a liking to showers and washing Smile . As far as I know all deodrants are fine for kids unless your DD is prone to allergies. Choose one that is both a deodrant and antiperperant. Choose an unscented one if she's selfconcious about using it.

Notmyidea · 01/12/2012 18:37

Interesting! I've put a similar question on the lilets q and a thread. Personally I don't see an alternative to telling my preteen she smells before the class bitches get to have a go, either. It's really not fair that some kids have to care before they develop the emotional maturity to cope but I'm afraid some do!
I don't like public loos, either so I don't see the problem with waiting until she gets home. Can't say I've anything to offer but sympathy, though.

CocktailQueen · 01/12/2012 19:31

Thanks all :) The only problem from my pov with waiting till she gets home is she gets constipated because she's ignoring when her body tells her to go - unless she's at home - which leads to a few uncomfortable days for her till the constipation passes; then it gets worse again.

OP posts:
ItsRainingOutside · 03/12/2012 16:05

We have the same problem in our house!! DD is 11 and couldn't care less what she looks or smells like. She's just started her periods and I literally have to force her to go in the shower every day. She also does a lot of PE at school and won't put deodorant on afterwards. If it's any consolation, they're all the same! Like you, I've tried being nice, sympathetic, encouraging. Nothing works except "go in the shower now, you smell disgusting".

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.