Preteens
Advice on problem with friends please
Madmog · 14/09/2012 16:55
By way of background, my daughter has two friends, X and Y, both lovely in their own way. A while ago X came to play and X and my daughter phoned Y. Y's Mum felt X and my daughter and X were being mean to Y on the phone and had a real go at me - I heard 90% of the telephone conversation as I was in the next room and heard nothing of being mean, so we begged to differ after lots of upset and tears.
Since then X has told my daughter she hates Y because Y is a goody goody and gets ideas above herself. My daughter still likes Y. Anyway, X and my daughter have agreed to share a school locker and Y asked my daughter if she could share also. My daughter had to say no as she knew X wouldn't want it, but she didn't want to upset Y and tell her X didn't doesn't like her (Y actually really likes X). Y has been on all day to my daughter about sharing a locker and I'm sure this is going to get fed back home and there will be more upset with her mother.
My fdaughter feels stuck in the middle of her friends and doesn't want me to contact tutor as she doesn't want to upset either. I know Y's mother is likely to be upset as she's a strong character, but at the same time I don't want to tell her X doesn't like her daughter as I don't want to upset her either. Just wondering what others would suggest.
chocoluvva · 14/09/2012 21:43
This isn't meant to be glib, but, could she not just say to both girls that she's going to have a locker all to herself and not share with anyone.
I don't really know what you think their tutor can do about it.
Madmog · 15/09/2012 10:15
Thanks for your email. Due to lack of lockers, 2/3 of them have to share. My reason for thinking of contacting the tutor is to make her aware of the problem and perhaps she can decide who shares with who. I know Y's Mum is not going to be happy and I'm sure she will have her say with the school.
Think I may have to phone Y's Mum and say I'm aware there's a locker problem, my daughter had agreed to share with X and if three of them share they won't have room for their games kit. At least I can see how Y's Mum reacts to this, she very quick thinking with words and I'm not which is the worry.
chocoluvva · 15/09/2012 13:29
Aah, I see.
Have you rung Y's mum yet?
Ideally the girls will sort this out themselves.
If not, it might be better to go down the school route but with caution - you don't wan't to come over to the school as a parent who fusses. With a bit of luck, your DD will share with someone else altogether.
Gumby · 15/09/2012 13:38
I'd stay out of it tbh
I don't think you should be ringing up parents & sorting out friendship problems once they're at secondary school
NanaNina · 16/09/2012 21:47
Totally agree with you Gumby - my son and DIL are both primary school teachers and my DIL always teaches year 6 (so on the last lap of primary to secondary) She is always getting mothers in complaining about stuff like this and she almost always advises the parent that the girls will sort it out themselves. It is only girls apparently that get into these sort of situations in their friendship groups and it happens all the time.
SO madmog I would chill out and stop worrying about lockers and phoning Y's mom and whatever else. My wise DIL always says that when there are problems like this (and her daughters have got into the same sort of stuff) a parent needs to help their child to learn the skills of how to handle these situations, as they willcome across similar things all through life.
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