Possible Anorexia/Bulimia in 10 yr old? Bit long, sorry.

[PeriPathetic]

DD has a new friend who has been here a lot during the summer hols. The family have only recently moved here so we don't know them well.

On her first full day visit I asked her dad if there anything she didn't / couldn't eat and he said no. But at dinner she announced she was 'vegetarian, but ate chicken and fish'... Ok . (Turns out she's Jewish but nobody told me this for several weeks!)

Served dinner and she started off saying she wouldn't eat potatoes as she was "too fat and needs to lose weight". She not. She ate barely anything and then took off to the bathroom and was sick.

This has happened on a couple of occasions now, so we told her father who was very grateful and seemed understanding.

Then he called us to say she was poorly with Hand, Foot and Mouth and that was what caused the sickness. Possibly true.

However, she's here again today and there's been a big discussion between DD & her friend about "I'm fat" again.

My DD had a quiet word with me that she believes her friend is anorexic :( Again, she ate nothing for lunch, complained she's really fat, made one of those Wii Me things that bore no resemblence to her body shape at all. DD is very concerned about her. Without my input, DD said she thinks her friend made herself sick the previous times and is desperately worried about her.

Anyway, DD has brought up the subject of anorexia / bulimia with her friend today and wants me to talk to her about it too (!) I don't feel it's my place, let alone the fact I have absolutely NO idea what to say or how to say it. I have no experience of this at all.

Any suggestions how to approach this: explaining to my DD and to help her with her friend's poor body image?

Thank you for reading.

Do they go to the same school??

I would pass my concerns on to the school, and once again to her parents.

I'm not sure but maybe there are some resources you could have at your house that she could look at? Stuff about a healthy lifestyle, healthy weights, etc, that kind of thing.

I know you don't feel it is your place but she may speak to someone who she isn't as close to instead of her mum or dad, and your dd is asking for your support.

You could use a magazine to show how airbrushing is rife (google before and after of airbrushing and show her that) and discuss with her that she is a beautiful young girl who doesn't need to worry about her weight at such a young age. Talk about what she likes about her image and why she thinks it is important to her. Perhaps you could talk about eating a varied diet and treats and how exercise balances out those treats.

You're saying it isn't your place but I personally would approach it as though it was my daughter - if you had concerns with you own dd, what would you do? How would you raise her self esteem? How would you ensure that she ate a healthy balanced diet?

As a side thing, can you call her mum or dad to discuss your Dd's concerns?

I had a friend at school (going back years) who was obsessed with her weight, borderline bulimia and it was because her mum constantly was dieting and she just copied and mimicked what her mum was doing ie "I'm so fat" " I can't eat that, it's got x grams of sugar in"

Thank you.

Yes, they will be going to the same school when it starts again. Friend will be 'the new girl' and both will be going to Middle School. I will be able to see what the set up is there this week at an open day, hopefully they will have replaced the very excellent school counsellor who left last term.

You're so right, GodisaDj, I should not be passing the buck on this and will have a proper talk with them both. Thank you for the pointers, much appreciated. I'm just not very good at this sort of thing - time to man up! Unfortunately I'm not known for my diplomacy.

I do wonder where she got the idea from though. We're not in the UK so aren't subjected to the media in the same way. However, I do have my suspicions. Her dad even admitted that she had put some weight on during their move, so she must have heard him say that :( And her mum is an ex-ballerina.

I will talk to the mother later.

Her mum is an ex ballerina? There's your answer I think.

Poor girl.

I think talking it through with them both will be good, and hopefully when she gets settled into school they will have some good support there for her too.

Coincidence. Her mum just called me!

So I told her of my worries, and she claims it's all news to her and a new 'stage' she's going through. Obviously not a lot of communication between husband and wife... Apparently she eats perfectly well at home. My cooking isn't that bad!

She said she'd call her daughter right now (the perils of mobile phones) but I suggested she talk to her in private tonight.

I'm going to do an early dinner and watch what happens, then take her home.