How did you start or have started leaving your 11 yr alone at home

[Smurfy1]

Hi looking for advice

DSD 11yrs at present comes to my work and is collected by her dad roughly 1 1/2 hrs larter she is wanting to stay home

We have never left before now and tbh I was and so was OH left to let ourselves in and be alone from roughly 9 BUT we had siblings

OH's mum says that we should see how it goes but to expect things broken, picked at from boredom

We trust her in the sense she would never answer the phone or door BUT would like honest opinions before we start doing anything

So how long will she be left alone for?

I tested the waters gradually with my dd. If I had a quick errand to do then I would leave her at home. I then progressed to going shopping and built it up that way - making sure she was comfortable with being left.

I was always contactable via mobile and she had strict instructions re answering the door / not cooking etc.

She has always been fine.

Ditto ... DS (YR7 in Sept) have built it up gradually - wouldn't leave him all day but have left him for up to 2 hours - as long as TV is on he will not move !

We have left for for nipping to shops and grabbing either of us from the bus stop so upto 30 mins so far but this would be from 530pm to 730pm so 2 hours

Hence the hesitation, its just hard letting go I think

I know she wouldnt use cooker etc but I can see jammy pieces and any crisps etc being eaten LOL

I've started leaving dd two days a week this summer holiday. She starts yr 7 in sept. it's probably not ideal but her CM stopped working so no real choice.
She's sensible and we live in a big village. I have lots of friends in the village she can go to if there's a problem.

My main concern is that the first times I left her for a few hours prior to the holidays she was under instructions of stuff she couldn't do. Came home to find she had gone out and left a message saying she was down the park. She refuses to stay in the house when she's home all day. She has a key, locks up the house and goes out.

She has a mobile and I would call and check up on her

Viva

DSD doesnt have a key yet and I trust her to not go out we use a CM when my dayshifts happen the same time as OH's and DSD knows that if anything happened to call me

How does she feel about it ?

I think that time 5.30pm to 7.30pm is ideal - get her food ready before you go and she can settle down to watch crap TV !

She is all for it LOL its me thats crapping it Oh is just all "do what you feel is best" which doesnt help

OKay will sort out crap for her to eat and will program my work number into housephone and see if she is as mature as she says

I think she will be fine. Agree that you will phone her at say 6.30 to check all is well.

Well just phoned her and she is watching Disney channel with a strawberry milk and a biscuit lol

OH got homw at 720pm and said he got a massive hug and she was so chuffed at being trusted, everything in the box eaten and all juice drank you'd think she'd been starved not had fish and chips for tea so may have to rethink tea time to a later slot rofl

to you all

well it didnt last long, she was left today for an hour while I went shopping and came back to find the cooking chocolate eaten and she had shaved her eyebrow WTF

Do I punish that 1 and god knows how its gonna grow back (its the last inch thats missing and very noticable) so she is going to work with me tonight :-(

I wouldn't punish for eyebrows. I think her peers will do a nice job of reminding her that was a stupid idea as soon as she goes back to school.

House picked at from boredom? Shaven eyebrows?

I would leave mine for short spells from 8yo, by 11yo I would expect some chocolate picking but it's part of them learning self-control.

I never understand this don't answer the phone/door stuff. I want mine to answer them in case it's me checking on them or the neighbour letting them know the house is about to burn down.

Good luck with finding your way.

We haven't I have said I will show her how to shape them when she is older and yeah OH apparently broke things when alopne LOL he has outgrown that though

DD hasn't destroyed anything yet but it's the boredom eating Im wary of as i'm quite big and have that habit too

My work numer is progranned into the phone so she answers that all others the answer machine kicks in so she knows who she can speak to like gran etc but we live in a block of flats hence the no answer the door clause which she does stick too, and no-one has ever called

Okay, what if you were injured, unconscious, and somebody at work picked up their mobile to ring her at home to try to contact your DH, but she wouldn't know the number so wouldn't even get the msg?

I dunno, maybe I feel meh because the only people who phone us is Computer Support from ?India, the school and "Would you like Solar PV?" people.

Well for a start the answer machine she will be able to listen to the message and can pick the phone up and over-ride BUT my work have my OH's number incase of emergency and wouldnt call the house and she is alone a max of 90 mins and has internet access all our emails that we get on our phones and she has her blackberry

God you have to love the tech we never had all I had was my ma shouting time to come in

My mother used to ring a cow bell to call us all home for tea. We lived in the city, too.

We tested the waters by letting his friend go with him so he wasn't in alone. (although maybe 2 is more of a risk?)

I leave 11yo DS for 2-3 hours. I started when he was about 9 for about 15 minutes and have built up from there.
You need to set ground rules as to what she can touch and not touch and whether she can answer the phone/door and what she should say. Other than that as long as they are happy to be left and are occupied and have food they are usually ok