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Feeling sad ds friendship has gone

4 replies

lakia · 26/07/2012 22:31

Ds has had a best friend all thorugh school.
However ds is a shy anxious type whereas his mate is outgoing confident etc.
Recently ds wenton holiday with his mate but we ended up picking ds up on day 2 due to him not wantin to stay as ds has problems sleeping at night.
The boys are aged 11 by the way.
So when they went back to school ds;s mate told another lad that my ds had been crying and that he had gone home.
So this lad that was told decided to start bullying my ds about it and according to ds his best mate was laughing along.
It ended in the one day just before they broke up in ds not wanting to go into school forcing me to tell the school that he was refusing to go in and the reason.
So ds's mate and the lad concerned were brought into the office and it was all sorted out d's mate apparently felt awful about it according to the teachers.
So I have still invited his mate over during the holiday but his mom has ignored me she always asks me to help her out during the holidays as well with looking after her ds but I have found that she has asked somebody else from the school this time.
Do you think I am at fault here.

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 27/07/2012 07:20

I can't see how you are at fault. However friendships change and going to secondary is a good time to move on. Encourage other friendships.

FallenCaryatid · 27/07/2012 07:29

Friendships change as children grow up, you have the summer to work on helping your son become more confident and independent before secondary.
Perhaps the mother is upset about her son getting into trouble, or found your son too much to handle and wants some distance now. maybe she wants her boy to broaden his friendships next year. Had your son been for a sleepover with them, or anyone else before?
Do the two boys see each other without needing parental input? Meet up and hang out together? Did your school run the usual school journey week for Y6, with overnight sleeping, and how did your boy cope?
What other friendships does your son have? Is he a scout or does he have other interests involving being with peers?

FranSanDisco · 27/07/2012 09:47

I wouldn't have told the school the reason tbh. It sounds like the boys have grown apart with one being more independent than the other. I think a bit of teasing isn't bullying and maybe your ds needs to learn how to handle this better as he's off to secondary school. I am sure many will agree teasing is bullying but at some point dcs need to learn to handle unkind behaviour without adults' interventions.

racingheart · 01/08/2012 23:58

Lakia, I can see exactly why you behaved as you did, but think you are a bit at fault.

The friend must have been so sad that your DS left the holiday. He may have felt he wasn't a good enough host or that the holiday wasn't up to scratch. And his parents must have been upset. Had they paid for him? They must have made plans based on him being there with their son.

Instead of rushing to collect him, you could have told him that he needed to stay the whole time and make the best of it. By the third night he'd probably have settled and enjoyed the rest of the stay, if he knew there was no easy way out.
Same with the teasing. Allowing the boys to sort it out themselves is painful for us (I have the same fault - helicoptering in) but I've made myself stand back and been amazed how quickly bad situations blow over. Far sooner than if I intervene.

From the other mum's point of view, she's probably beginning to think the friendship is too much effort for little gain: invite a child on holiday with you then have him dominate the mood by being so upset over nothing that the holiday is disrupted, he gets taken home, your own son is upset. Then when school returns, he's hauled into headmaster for talking about it. Seen from her POV - you'd keep your distance, wouldn't you, and encourage other friendships?

I'd apologise to her, with flowers and a short note, saying you'd over reacted.

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