Fussy eater age 10 - what to do?

[WhyTheBigPaws]

My DD is becoming a real pain about food, she has never been a brilliant eater but now it's really starting to cause problems. She hardly likes any of the food I cook and I am sick of making 2 meals or trying to plan a week's menu around her.

I accept that there will be some foods she doesn't like and I don't force them on her, and wherever possible I will try and adapt what we are having to suit her - eg DH and I love Thai curry but she doesn't. Fair enough, I do her chicken, rice and veg without the sauce. She says it's boring but she wouldn't eat any other kind of sauce (sweet & sour/pesto/tomato for example) if I made it for her.

Last night I made tagliatelle with roasted tomatoes and feta cheese. She picked out and ate the feta, wouldn't touch the tomatoes and pushed the tagliatelle round her plate just because it had a tiny bit of dressing/sauce on it (balsamic/oil and garlic). She ended up having to leave it as it was stone cold so I wouldn't let her have anything else. She said she was hungry when she went to bed and was up for her breakfast at 7 this morning.

The list of things she doesn't like seems to be getting longer - onions, most cooked veg, mince, any kind of sauce, any kind of meal with 'bits' in that she is suspicious of, anything spicy, any kind of pulses. Her favourite meal is pasta with ham, tomato, peas and grated cheese which is OK but she can't eat that every night. She moans that we almost always have sausages on a Sunday but it's because they are one of the few meals I can cook that everyone will bloody well eat.

I find it hard enough shopping to a budget. I am also trying to lose weight so try to plan meals which accommodate that but I am seriously thinking of giving up because finding meals that are cheapish, healthy, diet friendly and which DD will eat is just proving impossible :(

I am really fed up about this and mealtimes are becoming a nightmare. Last night's pleasant meal in the garden for the first time in ages was ruined by DD sitting there with a miserable face picking at her meal while DH and I were tucking in. I've no idea whether I'm handling it right - should I expect to cook different things for her? Should I allow her something else if she doesn't eat what we have? I hated seeing her hungry last night but felt it was her own fault for being so bloody stubborn.

Very grateful for any advice, really don't know what to do.

Sorry to hear you have a fussy eater. My DD's are generally okay. There are things that they dislike and certain meals that they dislike. I try to make sure that each gets at least 2 of their favourite meals each week. If they don't like what's on offer, it's tough - I'm not a restaurant and don't offer a menu. I do the same as you in that if I'm making pasta and one doesn't like the sauce, they can have plain pasta, but I won't cook 2 different meals. They can leave the meal if they like but they have to sit at the table until everyone has finished and they understand that they go hungry. I do let them have a slice of toast for supper, so they don't have to go right through to breakfast.

Have you tried getting her to look through recipe books/websites and finding things she would like to cook and then letting her cook for everyone? I was a bit of a fussy eater as a child and I remember going hungry a lot because my mum wouldn't make anything else for me - it was just a phase I went through and I'm much better now. Having said that, there are quite a few things I still won't eat, but I make myself obey the same rules I set for the kids e.g I don't like potatoes (in any form, especially mash), but if the meal I'm cooking involved potatoes, I don't make a substitute for me, I just go without.

I get how frustrating this is for you but I would be very wary of creating any kind of issues around food with a pre-teen girl. It's often as much about control as about what she actually likes to eat and it could become a battle ground. At the same time, I certainly don't think you should be having to cook different meals just for her all the time. A couple of suggestions:

When you make something you know she likes can you make extra so she can have the leftovers again the next night if she doesn't like what you're eating?

At 10 she's old enough to prepare simple things herself. If she doesn't like what you've served she can go an make herself something - toast or toasted cheese, a sandwich, a bowl of cereal, even a scrambled egg.

Don't make a fuss, don't argue, just explain that if she doesn't like what's for dinner she can fend for herself (as long as it's something healthy). That way there's no extra work for you but she gets a bit of control over what she's eating.