11 yr old girl

[ladylettuce]

Can anyone help? I have just found a letter from my 11 yr old girl which has upset me as i don't know how to deal with it. She states that she feels 'she doesn't feel right at school, that she doesn't belong and she feels that she is out on her own and she only has a few friends to comfort her.t She feels she is losing another friend and that she has lost alot of friends over the years and she wants to go back to infants where all the girls were her friend. Its breaking my heart as i don't know how to deal with this. any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I think most girls feel like this. Is she in year 7? Starting comprehensive school brings so much change and distress for some girls.
Did she mean for you to find the letter? Talk to her, ask her why she feels she's losing this friend.
Encourage her to invite a friend round for tea or a sleepover - perhaps they could go shopping?
My dd doesn't fit in with the cool kids, she's had a rough start but she's now found lovely, like-minded girls who are kind and thoughtful.
Your dd hasn't found where she fits in yet. She will.
See if she can do lunchtime or after school clubs which will get her to meet girls with the same interests.

ah how i really feel for you , i just know where youre coming from my dd is 12 in y8 and she has had me heartbroken tonight all about how she too is scared of loosing her friends etc , i too feel at a loss , my dd has gone through having 3 very good friends when she went upto seniors 2 broke away , and she has gained a new bunch of pals but stayed very loyal to one girl who to her dismay invited someone else to have a sleepover at her house over the recent half term , i know theyre not in an exclusive relationship but my dd is such a loyal girl this has totally winded her , she doesnt seem to want to invite anyone else over , ive suggested that, i really do feel for you as a mum and for your dd its so sad when they feel this way

Are bloody horrible to each other IME. Yesterday I took DD to a party and watched them systematically alienate one girl.
I was so cross with DD I took her home and made her leave her party bag.

Hello lady. I have had 9 months of this with DS1, it has been awful. Academically he is doing very well but socially not at all. He said he wasn't one of the 'populars' and he just didn't seem to belong to any group.

After much soul searching he starts a new school on 25th June, where we hope he will be a better fit.

I really know how you feel. x

They're struggling to find their niche aren't they? And, yes - the populars is a phrase my dd uses for the cool kids.

rips I admire you for taking a hard line, but I know from experience that when girls are in a clique that alienate one at a time, some girls are too scared that it will be them next so they join in out of fear. How did your dd react to you doing that?
Not that it excuses it, but to an extent I can understand why it happens, we just have to teach our dc that people who will alienate someone for no reason is not a good friend.

This may help. It's an article from a really helpful website.

Ah the poor love.

I think listening to her and being there for her are the most important things you can do. As someone else said, activities etc outside of school may help her make new friendships. Planning bike rides or trips into town for the two of you may be nice for her.

I always found great solace in reading as a child, does she like the library? Judy Blume or similar kids fiction about the things she's going through will make her realise she's not the only one, and people get through it. Flubber springs to mind, and Are you there God it's me Margaret. They're probably very dated now but deal with universal themes of adolescence as I recall.

There's not a lot you can do to influence how her peers are going to behave so distract her from it as much as you can and try to encourage her to realise she can be her own strong person without needing affirmation from other people to make her life fulfilling. (How easy it is to type..!)

Hormones are all over the place at her age and she may have been having a very down moodswing when she wrote the letter. In a way it's great she's at least using writing to get her feelings out, it can be very therapeutic.

Thinking of you and hoping things turn around for your DD soon.

Thank you everyone for your help and advice, it has been most helpful. i know that i not alone and neither is DD. she has had a better day and spent it with 3 real friends.

Thank you all xx