conflict between nanny and 12 year old dd

[juggling24balls]

Generally excellently behaved 12 year old is pushing the boundaries with the nanny with an attitude, "dirty looks", lack of co-operation etc etc. Nanny punishments seem harsher vs those given to the siblings. Creating an atmosphere of resentment which is making it all worse. How to get the balance between improving behaviour and not undermining the nanny

If the punishments seem harsher than those for siblings why not draw up a house rules board with specific punishments for specific behaviours and also rewards for certain behaviours.
You could do this involving everyone, so then the nanny feels she is backed and the DD knows that everyone is having to adhere to the same rules and consequences. x

I think your 12 year old is acting quite normally - she will soon be a teenager and this is what they do......she obviously rattles the nanny hence the "harsh punishment" what exactly are they. I'm not sure Louboo's suggestion is very helpful because how can you possibly know exactly what behaviours will occur. I think your nanny needs to understand more about adolescent behaviour. I am sure the situation will get worse unless the nanny starts to understand that adolescents push the boundaries, are cheeky and rebel. Not saying kids should be aloud to rule the roost or behave badly, but I don't like the sound of "harsh punishments"

Could your oldest girl be cared for by someone else (school friend's mother) for example as I think this might be the best solution.