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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

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Original poster

Messy Bedroom

21 replies

MrsGrumps · 23/04/2012 14:03

My DD is 12 now and whilst she has never been that tidy these days her room is so bad I just do not want to go in there.

I spent a fair amount of time and money redecorating it and laying new carpet when she was about 8, so it's a bit pink etc but not that bad for a kid here age. She is stroppy I will not decorate it again but why should I when it is such a mess.

She has plenty of storage but is a bad hoarder of unnecessary stuff. There are clothes, school books, drink bottles, clean & dirty clothes all over the floor and I'm at a loss as to what to do.

I tried telling her to sort it but it seems she enjoyed the fact it bothered me, now I've got to the point that I do not care if it is not that tidy but I would at least like her to put clothes away, put dirty stuff in the laundry basket and the floor to be sufficiently clear that I can hoover it. is that really too much to ask?

Please tell me this is normal and I just need to close the door for a few years and leave her to fester in her own mess until such time as she comes out the other end as a responsible adult!!!!

OP posts:

bigTillyMint · 23/04/2012 14:06

My DD is EXACTLY the same and I would at least like her to put clothes away, put dirty stuff in the laundry basket and the floor to be sufficiently clear that I can hoover it

Mostly I just shut the door

Sadly my DM is the same. She is 81

HarrietJ0nes · 23/04/2012 14:20

Dd1/2 share a room and in the last 2 years it's got awful. They are 12/10.

Mabelface · 23/04/2012 14:23

If clothes don't make it out of the bedroom for washing, they don't get washed, simple as. I have, in the past, taken a picture of my kids' rooms and threatened to post it on facebook if the bedrooms aren't finished by the end of the day. They didn't like that...

dictionarydiva · 23/04/2012 14:23

I was really, really like this. I was epically untidy and my mum despaired. Then I went to uni and realised living in a shit hole was horrible. I tidied up. I turned it around. Went back to parents to live when I was 21 and was a reformed character and now as an adult am a very neat and tidy person. I think it's just a phase. I know it is annoying but just ignore it: I know the more my mum stropped about it the less I did what she asked so just close the door!!

Mumofjz · 23/04/2012 15:48

DD is 10 and we now have an "understanding". No matter what is going, she HAS to tidy her bedroom toy satisfaction (no clothes under bed/bottom of wardrobe, bin emptied, work surfaces cleared and stuff put away correctly) on the first weekend of the month otherwise her computer/ds will be taken from her till the next month. She moans that it takes her ALL day but I keep telling/reminding her that if she tidies as she goes along or even once a week it's not that much!!! I think she's getting it!!

Mumofjz · 23/04/2012 15:48

Finocchio · 24/04/2012 11:59

my preteens (12, 10, 8) are all super-messy, so is DP (sigh). I don't shut the door and let them wallow in their mess cos I feel that if they don't have clean clothes for school people will probably actually blame me, and my dds won't actually care, they like ripped dirty clothes.

So I do insist on a weekly clear up, and dirty clothes put in the laundry bin, clean clothes put away. I don't insist that the rooms are totally tidy but every now and then we have a proper clear out. Otherwise it would get too squalid and they'd lose too many items they need. I think that a lot of children do need help with learning how to tidy up, the occasional child does it naturally (I would love to have one of those), but my dc seem to struggle, and I am trying to teach them how to go about tidying up as a daily habit. it is something they can learn.

CeliaFate · 25/04/2012 11:59

My dc are 11 and 9 and they have to tidy their bedrooms for 10 minutes at the end of the day before bath/bed. That way it doesn't become too horrific - all clothes are in the right place, the surfaces are cluttered, but there's nothing on the floor and they make their bed.

Leaving it until you can't put your foot down is too long imho. Little and often keeps it down, enables me to clean it and gets me off their backs. Once every couple of months, I go in when they're at school and chuck a load of crap thoroughly clean and tidy.

timetosmile · 30/04/2012 00:05

Clean clothes need to be hung up, laundry in basket at the end of the day, bed made before school.
Apart from that, I try to leave well alone....especially as there's usually a weeklong ongoing complex lego vs playmobil pirate battle ensuing on the floo

timetosmile · 30/04/2012 00:05

floor

BackforGood · 30/04/2012 00:10

Shut the door, and don't go back in until she's about 22

ThreadWatcher · 30/04/2012 00:16

Mumofjz - I will be doing the same with my dd when she is 12 :)

NanaNina · 07/05/2012 14:53

Ah Backforgood - I couldn't agree more.........my eldest son's bedroom was horrendous - couldn't see floor for newspapers, but he managed to summon the energy to put his washing out (as far as I can remember - I am going back 40 years!) but now - with a wife and family - he is very tidy and does most of the tidying and cleaning. So leopards can change their spots!

cooey2 · 07/05/2012 19:07

thats why i joined today because of two messy bedrooms. read loads of messages and decided ten mins every night, if it doesn't get done no youth club/tv or computer til its done. this mum is going to win the war :)

startail · 07/05/2012 19:22

Invite a friend for a sleep over, it will be tidy 10 minutes later

jennifersofia · 16/06/2012 00:07

I have one dc who is very similar. Sleepovers make no difference as 'my friends don't mind'. We were doing a 'no nag in the week but a clean up on Saturday' arrangement, but it was painful. Gnashing of teeth, moaning, couldn't do it, needed help, everything stuffed in storage area etc etc. 3 hours to do a 20 minute job, and that is also 3 hours of our attention/ reminding and so on. It would get so messy that she would feel very overwhelmed by it all and didn't know where to start. In the end, I decided that I didn't want to spend my time having this fight every weekend, and I felt it was detrimental to our relationship, so now I just leave her to it. Dirty laundry must be brought down once a week, or no computer.

AdventuresWithVoles · 20/06/2012 17:13

Tell her you will allow a sleepover if she tidies up.
Dd is a hoarder. I regularly cull anything I think she won't miss.

misstrunchball · 15/07/2012 14:22

My DD2's bedroom is a disgrace and I think it smells!! - but there are bigger battles with children and the bedroom is the least of your problems. Shut the door and one day they will wake up and think 'I can't live like this' and hey presto it will be tidy . This has happened with my DD1 and most days I can't find the hoover as it's in her bedroom.....

brightermornings · 15/07/2012 14:28

I went I my dds(10) bedroom before. Yesterday she changed outfits 3 times guess where all the clothes where!
I've decided I'm going to help her do a big blitz then she will have to keep it tidy.
Sanctions will be grounding and reducing pocket money.
Ds 17 is good at keeping his room tidy it does get messy but he will tidy and hoover.

greenfig · 18/07/2012 11:21

jennifersofia I have same situation as you. I can't bear the nagging, have tried a few mins every night & Saturday or consequences route, no avail. She doesn't mind taking her friends into the mess, 1/2 are tidy & 1/2 same as her. I just go in on a monday & remove dirty clothes now so that she has something to wear, she doesn't seem to mind dirty clothes. She knows I'll only dust & hoover if I can get in, usually means 1 less room to clean! She will strip her bed if pushed so I will then put on clean sheets. Really odd as she is diligent & organised in most other areas of her life!

FernieB · 18/07/2012 18:24

I have DD twins (12). They are both pretty tidy now but then I can't stand mess and have been quite strict over it. When they were little they had to help me tidy up all their toys every evening before they went to bed (they weren't good at it and it took ages but it was good training). They both look after their things very well. They have had ups and downs and one of them lost out to her sister for the bigger room when we moved because she kept leaving her stuff on the floor - since this she has been very tidy.

I expect them both to put their clothes in the wash as soon as they have taken them off, to make their beds every morning, to put things away as soon as they have finished with them and to keep their bathroom tidy. This has at times meant that I have stood in their bedrooms repeating 'put your clothes in the wash' until it was done. They find this so annoying that they do it to get rid of me. Now it's habit for them. They have both said that their rooms are tidier than any of their friends and they are proud of that.

My ultimate sanction for bad behaviour (of any kind) is to remove their ipod's/phones/switch off the internet for an hour. This works wonders in our house.

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