Dd 12yr suddenly piling on weight HELP

[5babyangels]

Quick family background....all her aunts (both my ds and her dads ds's) are morbidly overweight! Not just a bit I mean horrendously. It has always been a concern that she might end up down this route. However I have always encouraged a balanced diet and
exercise. The last couple of years dd really has turned into a couch potato burying head in a book. Which is great but not active. She raids the fridge in the garage when no ones looking and pocket money she spends on Bad choices. I'm not anti sweets but a balance is best. All my 4 sons are ranging from v skinny like me to just plain normal.

What's worse is that I try and encourage her to wear clothes that would compliment her better but she refuses and looks ridiculous. I
bought her a new swimming costume which
she hates but fits. She refuses to wear it and continues to wear a bikini that tbh looks awful. I know she's growing up and bodies do funny things at this age, but the bingeing is driving me insane.

When she goes to her dads they stay with their nan and she over feeds them. She's allowed coke whenever and to raid the fridge. I've spoken to ex about it and said how worried I am they are encouraging bad habits and he agrees in principle but I don't know whether he's going to do anything about it or not.

I really need to get her to want to change but she just says what's the point, I want to be fat. Self esteam obviously now low.

I've started taking her swimming with me but she is resistant.

Please help me think of ideas to help dd! I'm not stupid I know what to feed her but I need to get her out of this mind set!

Why the sudden change in attitude?

Is she being picked on at school? What about friends?

Friends is a bit of an issue and yes she is a bit picked on too.... she's just a bit different! We moved away from home town 3 years ago but moved back a year ago and has struggled to re kindle old friendships.

She was always a kid who never knew when she was full though and I would reign her in and say you've had enough. But it's suddenly got a life of it's own.

Her lack of not caring about how she looked has always been a bit if an issue and yes I know it sounds as though she is depressed and yes that lurks in family history too but I dint want her thinking comfort warring will make it better.

I would be tempted to approach it from the health side of things rather than the looks.

I am quite willing to admit that I am currently morbidly obese, and that when I was a teenager and just on the chunky side of normal (11 years old, 5'2, 10 stone and wearing what is a current size 10/ was 14) people began the snide comments of fat and ugly, I was never picked first for team sports because I was "the fat girl". I was stuck on the slimfast plan by my doctor when I was 13 years old and that was it, my attitude to food was totally annihilated.

It was never approached as a health issue, just one of how I looked. It is only now, 20 odd years down the line that I am able to address a lot of the issues and eat healthily and in moderation.

Had it been approached from a health angle from the adults surrounding me- "these are what you need to eat to stay healthy, this is what you need your body to do to work properly" I may have been better able to cope with the teenage aunts about my appearance.

Some of her issues may be about control- just the other way around from people who have anorexia who control what goes into them very rigidly. If she feels she has no control over how other people treat her, why should she bother to control what she eats? I know I am over simplifying it.

In what way is she different?

I was different! There's nothing wrong with it but it's difficult at school if you don't confirm! Her sense of humour is not popular (which is fine) but again doesnt help her to fit in. I'm not anti fattest and if she had always been this way maybe I wouldn't be so worried. Also if she was more active I wouldn't be so concerned. It's the complete lack of interest.

I am vv concerned from health point of view. Her paternal aunts both have polysystic ovaries and me and my Sis have endo, all of which means a healthy lifestyle is even more important, just makes me sad