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Concerned about 9yr old daughters weight

4 replies

Cupcakegirl10000 · 09/04/2012 07:59

This is the first time I've posted here and I could really do with some advise on the best way to approach this.
I have 3 children, eldest daughter almost 11, next is 9, little boy of 6.
My 9 year old has always been a more stocky build, a way in which I hate to describe her because it doesn't change the fact that she is gorgeous and a very beautiful girl. Have been divorced a year, very amicably, and ex and I get on well, we both adore our children, they have always come first in spite of what has gone on in our personal lives. Kids feel very loved and generally very secure.
However, what was once a 'she's just a different shape to the to her two' has now become more serious and she is now at a stage where she really needs to lose weight. Finding clothes to suit her is becoming harder, she is try aware of it, if something is too small she stars to breaks my heart. I think she is comfort eating, I think perhaps our split has effected her more than we believed, she is a child who holds a lot in whilst her older sister is very articulate and vocal. I feed her no differently to the other two, but have no control over how much junk she may eat when out at friends etc.
I don't want to make the problem worse but have no idea how to approach it. I don't ant to treat her differently to the other two, but the fact remains that the other two are a very healthy and normal size. I del that it is our responsibility as parents to now deal with this but how? The last thing I want to do is cause upset, cause an eating issue. But at the same time she need to lose some weight and it would be wrong to keep trying my head in the sand about this. Her weight is the same as her almost 11 year old sister.
Do I need to see someone?
I would be so grateful for some advice.
Thank you.

OP posts:
Longtalljosie · 09/04/2012 08:22

A sympathetic bump for you. My DD is 2 but equally sturdy - she's the spit of my DH and his brother at the same age, and they both elongated out of it. It has made me very sensitive about some of the judgemental lazy opinions people have on larger children though! It's sUch a sensitive age... How much exercise does your DD get? And could you up that unobtrusively, with an after-school activity? Swimming for example?

Longtalljosie · 09/04/2012 08:22

Obvs I meant 9 was the sensitive age, not 2!

AChickenCalledKorma · 09/04/2012 08:23

Have you tried the NHS website? There's quite a lot of useful stuff and links to places that will help: here

I was a chubby 9yo and just getting self-conscious about my weight. It's not nice when all your friends are skinny and getting into fashion etc. What my parents did was "put me on a diet" - which as far as I can remember was a standard adult diet, shoved at me by a GP, with weekly weigh-ins etc. It was very embarrassing when my friends found out. Maybe things are different now - I hope GPs etc are a bit more sensitive and child-orientated than they were then.

I have friends whose child started putting on weight at about 10 - they tackled it with LOTS of exercise and just being careful about portion sizes etc. No "diets" . She's a very elegant 18yo now - athletic and muscular, not skinny, but definitely not fat.

Cupcakegirl10000 · 09/04/2012 09:04

Thanks girls...I am so conscious of not using the word 'diet' and 'fat' and just making sure I use the term 'eating healthily'. I was a similar build growing up, and my memories are all of my mum you really need another biscuit? Or, wear trackies, not jeans, they suit you better. She never meant any harm but it affected me and I suffered eating disorders in my teens and 20's. The joke is, since having kids, my body has change entirely and I am a now very tiny without even thinking about it. I don't want to put my gorgeous daughter through this so I'm very conscious of it, but it's a fine line.

More exercise is definitely the way forward and she now dances twice a week and swims once, and, nearing summer, is spending more time on her bike etc. I just want her to understand about not over doing it with food, she often takes something extra when she thinks no one is like I was (I guess I only have myself to blame, lol!)

I think she gets teased by skinny children and as a mother, this hurts me. I just want to protect her and do the right thing

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