How do I boost DDs confidence?

[AllShiney]

DD is 11. Due to start secondary school in September which she seems the usual mix of excited/scared about.

At that age, I had zero confidence. I am terrified DD will be the same as me in that respect and I want to stop the cycle now.

I've never had any self worth or self esteem and this has led to me making some very poor choices. I've allowed myself to be used throughout my life. When I was 15 I got into a relationship with a man 10 years older and I'm so determined not to let DD make my mistakes again. I ended up having meaningless sexual encounters because I was stupidly flattered by the attention. ( not a huge amount but none of them should have happened)

One of these one night/weekend things resulted in my daughter and I have raised her alone as her father was not interested.

I know she feels a kind of rejection about this despite me trying very hard to reassure her it's not her fault etc. sometimes I see such self doubt in her it breaks my heart.

She is beautiful but doesn't believe it. She does have some SEN issues and I know she's very frustrated she's not "normal" in that respect.

Sorry- this is turning into an epic post!

The point of the thread is to ask for advice or tips for helping her feel comfortable with herself, to feel worthy of love and know she is a wonderful young girl.

How do I do it?

I feel your pain. My dd started secondary school last September and we were dreading it. She has coped much better than I ever thought she would though.

I would say don't think the past will repeat itself. What happened to you will not necessarily happen to your dd.
If possible, join a club near the secondary school. My dd did drama and a few of the girls who go there went to different primary schools, but the same secondary schools so there were familiar faces on the first day and they had something in common so she made new friends quickly.
Get a book about starting secondary school now, so you can read it and discuss it with your dd. I bought Queen Bees and Wannabes and Going Up.
Keep telling her how proud of her you are, how much you love her and that she can do it!
This website is superb. Lots of brilliant advice here and you can email them your specific problem too.
Facebook, Twitter etc - if you allow her to join them, be strict about policing them. They can be an instant confidence shredder. Avoid if possible, but my dd's friends are all on there. I said she could join and I have control over the account so I daily/weekly check there's nothing offensive/inappropriate being said.
Boost her confidence by allowing her independence. Give her a front door key, a reliable mobile phone and some freedom. The more she does on her own, the more confident she'll feel and it won't seem like such a big deal.
Sorry, I appear to have written my own essay in response!
Good luck!

Does she do any extra curricular activities?
Something she can shine at that isn't connected to school, and preferably sporty/active would be great.
having something she can shine at is so important for her self esteem, and might prevent her seeking validation through being 'liked' rather tahn being 'able'.
Outside of school - in case she hits bad patches in school it would be like an escape for her. If she doesn't hit bad patches it will give her an air of mystery, almost.
The sporty bit would help her develop pride in her bodies capabilities rather than it's looks, it's so difficult for teens to not despise their bodies.

And of course plenty of praise etc but I bet you already do that!

Disclaimer - my dd's are not this age but I remember it well myself.

Thanks for your replies.

She's starting to think about an outside activity as she doesn't really do much but I've said she needed to pick something.

I'll have a look through the sites thanks!