DS best friend suspected from taking money

[3sisters]

Hi, my 11 year old DS was given £40 for Chinese new year by his GD on Sunday morning. He put the money in his piggy box,in which he already had £45 in notes that he was saving for a mobile and some change.
On the Wednesday morning, he went to take a coin out of his box and screamed with despair when he only find £25 pounds in notes+change.
On the monday morning, I had 3 friends around and while we were busy, my friend's DS (who is also my DS's best friend), who was off sick from school, went upstairs to play.
On the monday night my friend tell me that her DS has found £45 pound in her bush near home.
Then Wednesday came and my son scream and cry asking us if we had taken any of his money.
Conclusion, no the only person who went in his room was his friend.

When i question my friend about the coincidence between the money found and the money missing, she said that my son was lying. But I don't understand her reaction as I had seen the money that my DS had been saving, as regularly borrowing and putting back the money when needing cash.
I don't know how to deal with this.

So £60 went missing, but friend found £45?

yes. When i asked her if shecould check her son's money he had exactly £60 pounds. She said he already had a bit of money before finding the £45.

It seems very odd to me. Your son loses a large amount of cash and her son coincidentally finds it in a bush.

Well it sounds like your friend's son has stolen it. I don't believe he found the money in a bush. I think I would be inclined to go round and say I was contacting the police. Maybe they could fingerprint the money box?!

It would seem the evidence points completely towards your friends DS - in my mind there is no doubt. BUT without 'proof' it really comes down to a test of your friendship & common sense versus your friends (understandable) faith in her son.

I think you need to present the facts to her disregarding the 'find in he bush'

In other words: you know, for a fact, that the money was in the box that morning. You saw with your own eyes that it was gone he next day. Her DS is he only person who has been in that room. End of

The fact that he then 'found' money is just further evidence but not the dealbreaker

Tell your friend that you don't judge her or her son and that you understand kids go through phases and lose Theo way sometimes. But that you KNoW hentook it (for reasons above) and it is up to her how she deals with her son but you expect her to do something

I really feel for you (and your poor DS)

Fricking iPad but you get the drift

I posted few messages but do not seem to appear anywhere!
Thank you so much for your great support!

I have talked to my friend who persist to say that my son is lying! I feel betrayed as why would I lye about my DS's missing money!

If it was my son I would get the truth out him.
I feel very uncomfortable being around her and her DS now. She is acting like if nothing has happened!

Shall I just leave it and lose a friend knowing that we have lots of friends in common, or persist in trying to get the truth out?
This is over taking my thoughts at the moment, and I wish i could just forget.

Hi 3sisters. It's a horrible situation to be in.

I would be honest with her and then she can decide whether to save the friendship. The onus should be on her. If it's easier - drop her a not or email

Something along the lines of

"friend I am finding this really awkward. I have no doubts because the evidence is conclusive (if unpleasant). I don't think you have been fair to me or my DS by ignoring this and I also think you are not doing right by your own DS by not addressing it. I know you keep insisting my son is lying but I promise you he isn't. If there was any doubt in my mind, I wouldn't pursue this. I really like you and value our friendship, and don't want to have to move forward with a great big elephant in the room.

I hope we can work this out
Love Friend

Would something like that be feasible?

How awful. I like Jaded's message and agree that honesty is the way forward. Your ds needs to see that you believe him as his friend is saying that your ds is lying.

Agree savoy. I think it's important for your DS that you 'stick up for him'

Your advice are very helpful. I have been torned out all week on the right thing to do with, for some reason, mixed feelings of guilt and sense of responsibility.

Guilt as i looked after my friend's DS a lot since he was 3, and do not want to hurt him in any way, and responsible as he could do it again to somebody else.

To SlighlyJaded, your message is just great, and I hope you won't mind if I just use it as such.It's exactly how I feel!

I have been questioning my poor DS (to make sure I was not being unfairly accusing my friend's DS), and cleaned up his room from top to bottom even shook his books when he was away at school.
In a way I was (sadly) really hoping that my son was lying as it would be so much easier to deal with. But the truth is, he is not, as I saw the money he had!
Big thank you again for following up!

Glad to be of some use . Good luck

Just an update. It didn't go down very well. My friend became obsessive and had been questioning her DS all week who stuck to his story of finding the money in the bush, and swearing that he never went into my DS's bedroom. She believed her story also accepting that it is a bit twisted!

Her DS is now threatening her to self arm and she made me feel that I created the situation by accusing her "innocent" DS.

I told her that none of this is necessary and we should let it go, as the well-being of our DSs is what matters, and that whoever is lying has gone to far to reverse back.They are only children and they make mistakes, that's what it is.

Despite having a straight conversation with her, she is avoiding me.
Time will tell, but I have decided that it is now out of my hands.
Thank you again for your great help and support!

If I can be blunt, your friend is a loon.

She is a loon with a thief as a son.

If things are going down the pan so quickly, I don't think you have anything to lose by having a word with the police. Or even just telling her this.

I'd b more inclined to ask where this money bush is!!!!!

I would just like to add (and this might sound crazy to some) that even if he had found money in a bush, he should not be allowed to keep it. Even that, technically and morally, is stealing. The correct course of action would be to hand it in to the police. (I once found a digital watch, minus strap on the street. My Dad made me hand it in and I got it back after 6 months.)

On another note, might any other people given Lai See at the same time still have the banknotes? If they came fresh from the bank, they may still have serial numbers on them which could be checked against these ones your friend's kid has. (I may have been watching too much TV, but... possible!)

(Actually, you could try bluffing that you know the serial numbers or will be checking them against other notes, just to see his reaction?)

The thing is how far a child can lye? Her DS showed her the bush where he had "found" the notes. He had dried them on the heater as apparently wet.
When she said he would have to talk to the police about the money found, he agreed!
He has stuck to the same story over and over. I find it quite scary that he can make all of this up and if I was in my friend's shoes I would have to believe DS.
That's why for everybody's sanity I am letting it go. I just hope that at some stage her DS's conscience will quick in and he will talk to his mum.
The irony of it all, is that I can let it go but my friend can't and gives me the "cold" treatment=a real test to our friendship!

Have you spoken to the boy yourself? I would perhaps explain next time he is round that he can no longer go play In sons bedroom and some money was taken and not given back but he's more than welcome to still come and play at the house etc (just make sure u don't leave you purse/money laying around)

I haven't talk to him as he has been denying the all thing. My "ex-friend" would probably kill me if she finds out I have talk to him.

Anyway, my so called friend is completely blanking me out like a stranger. She pass next to me at school and turned her head the other way.
I feel hurt but it's time to let it go, because she won't talk to me. I had time to reflect and for the last 10 years i have always supported her and helped her a lot, while she never really returned the favours.(not that i was expecting to).
So if everything happen for a reason...I will concentrate on friends who actually value my friendship.