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DD sobbing this morning as I've said no to drumming lessons - AIBU?

12 replies

VivaLeBeaver · 12/12/2011 08:57

DD has no hobbies or interests. She's just told me this morning that she's quit Film Club at school as she wasn't enjoying it. Next thing she's telling me that she wants to restart drumming.

She quit drumming about a year ago after maybe seven months of lessons and after I'd bought her a very expensive drum kit which took over half the front room. I sold the drum kit ages ago, there is no way I can afford another one at the minute, plus I like having my front room back. There is nowhere else it can go - I live in a small 3 bed semi.

When she said she wanted to stop drumming I made her carry on for a few more weeks to make sure. There were tears then as I dragged her to her lesson. I hung onto the drum kit for a bit incase she changed her mind. She now says she did enjoy it but she was stuck on a hard bit of drumming and gave up - she gave the impression at the time of totally hating it, though she'd certainly enjoyed it before wanting to stop.

She has quit - riding lessons, Beavers, Brownies and violin lessons. I've offered to take her to running club or to skiing club as she enjoys running and skiing but she's said no to that. I've mentioned guides and she says no to that.

She starts secondary school in Sept and I've told her she can start drumming lessons at school then and if she does it for a year I'll consider another drumming kit. I'm not prepared to take her to lessons now as it was a major arse fighting through rush hour traffic to get there and also it means having to have a set day off work (I am part time but its difficult to get set days off).

Of course I've been told I'm the worst mother in the world and that I'm nasty, etc.

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santastooearlymustdache · 12/12/2011 09:02

Does the secondary school offer any extra curricular music lessons? If so, tell her if she takes that up, and sticks to it for 6mths, then you'll re-negotiate taking her to private lessons?

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TubbyDuffs · 12/12/2011 09:02

No, I think you've worked out a fair compromise.

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santastooearlymustdache · 12/12/2011 09:03

Xmas Blush

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VivaLeBeaver · 12/12/2011 09:04

Yes they do extra curricular lessons and I'm happy to pay for her to have drumming lessons at school.

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VivaLeBeaver · 12/12/2011 09:04
Grin
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VivaLeBeaver · 12/12/2011 09:06

She's saying that Sept is too long to wait, plus she wants to go back to her old teacher who she likes, plus she wants a drum kit and she wants it now.

She won't be able to go back to her old teacher once she starts secondary school as she's going to Grammar school which is in a town in the opposite direction from the old drum teacher - so 20 miles from school to drum teacher. She needs to have lessons at school.

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Catsmamma · 12/12/2011 09:06

of course you are the world's worst mother! She is not getting her own way!


I think you have done enough tbh, and she can look forward to drumming lessons in Sept if she is that keen.

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VivaLeBeaver · 12/12/2011 09:07

Good, I'm glad that others think this is OK.

I do feel bad that she doesn't have hobbies, etc but she only has herself to blame for this. She's had many opportunities. I'm hoping that she'll find other interests at secondary school.

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jaggythistle · 12/12/2011 09:08

for future reference, i know someone who has a DS into drumming. he only has an electronic kit for most of practice. it doesn't take up the room and i think he can use headphones!

i believe they hired a full size kit if he needed to practice for exams.

not sure if that's any use but it sounded very organised when they told me!

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VivaLeBeaver · 12/12/2011 09:09

DD's old drum kit was an electronic one but it still took up loads of room though not as much as an acoustic one. Took up the whole of the bay window recess and a bit more.

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startail · 12/12/2011 09:12

Sounds reasonable to me.
Also she needs to see how late she gets back, how much HW she gets and if there are any after school clubs she wants to do. Then you can arrange a time for lessons. DD1s singings moved all over because they messed up our school busesAngry

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lljkk · 14/12/2011 20:08

Hold your ground, yanbu. Xmas Smile

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