12 yo dd and braces

[readsalotgirl]

Should we "make" dd 12 wear braces ?. Her top jaw protrudes further than her bottom jaw and there was some overlap of top 2 front teeth. She didn't want the brace and had huge meltdown earlier in the year. We (dh & I) manged to persuade her she should go ahead and we agreed we'd wait until start of summer hols so there would be no possibility of being teased at school. Some bribery was also involved. Fixed braces fitted on top teeth at start of school hols and all seemed to be going well.

Now she has to have removable/functional appliances top and bottom which she is supposed to wear at night and at least 16 hours out of every 24. Cue tears at the dentist and major meltdown in car park - I told her to take them out which she did and calmed down. Then, of her own accord, she put them back in and wore them at night for 4 days. We told her we were pleased and proud of her and agreed she didn't need to wear them to school at first. She seemed to find speaking really really difficult - I think because she has to speak more slowly (no bad thing !!).

However she decided on Monday she didn't want to have braces at all. I am exhausted by the whole thing , angry that I have spent time and effort going to appointments, upset that she is getting this on the NHS and probably has denied the opportunity to some other poor kid who would give their right arm to have braces and fairly sure when she gets to 17 or so she will feel self conscious about her teeth/jaw/profile and want it done then. It is not just for cosmetic reasons - she was referred because the gap between upper and lower jaw when she bites is quite significant. My gut feeling is that 12 is too young to make a decision like this for herself and that we as parents need to make her do this - but how ? Or do we just let her decide she doesn't want to have braces - what happens when she decides she doesn't want to go to school or come home when we tell her to ? Help needed please

I could have written much of your post, except that we've had this drama for the last 5 years and DD is now 13. She has to wear one final appliance 16 hours daily for the next 3-6 months, and I've resorted, for the first time in my life, to large-scale bribery. If she wears this contraption to the orthodontist's satisfaction she gets an I-pod Touch, which she has admitted will motivate her greatly. If the treatment doesn't work she will need an operation when she's 18 to realign the jaw, so I think it's worth splashing out on the Touch if it works.

Yes, I think 12 is too young to make this decision, and I think you just have to keep on nagging her, however annoying that is. Maybe a combination of carrot and stick - she gets something nice if she complies but gets her mobile/laptop/whatever taken away if she doesn't?

Thanks Tenebrist although I am appalled at the thought of 5 years of this ! I take it you've had all the door slamming, crying, storming off in a huff and " you hate me and are trying to ruin my life " ?

We have discussed removing her favourite activity but dh is worried that if we threaten this she may still refuse as she is a stubborn pigheaded little madam (just like dad) and then we are left with no sanction and are no further forward. I suspect bribery may be in order but we have also been accused of blackmail so we can't win.

I have said to her that if she doesn't do it she can whistle for the money for it when she decides when she's 18 that she wishes she'd had it done. Might mention the possibility of an op as a bit of leverage.

Just feel so worn down by the dramatics. Dd also struggled a bit socially at primary school and has settled really well at secondary so we are very wary of making her feel self conscious when she has been more relaxed socially for the first time for ages.

I think she's been daunted by the removable appliances as they are more intrusive than the traintracks which weren't as bad as she thought they'd be.

fingers crossed we can persuade/cajole/nag /bribe

Bribery, definitely. I think you need to make sure she wears them.

I feel your pain though. My DD (12) also has to wear the removable functional appliances. They were fitted a couple of months ago as the first stage in her orthodontal treatment. The orthodontist says she has to wear them for 9 months before getting fixed braces.

My DD has been pretty good with them, though they made her totally miserable at first. They are simply pretty unpleasant. It was heartbreaking to see her struggle to speak clearly. Her speech is loads better now but not totally normal.

My DD has to wear them all the time except for eating. I'm fairly relaxed about her taking them out for little things every couple of days (e.g. a drama performance), on the condition they go straight back in - which she always does without being asked. We've talked a lot about the long term perspective, i.e. she hates them now but will have fab teeth when she's older. Also, we're getting into debt paying for them (were told NHS waiting list years long) so extra determined to make sure she wears them!

Hi sunflower - thanks for posting. DD has agreed to wear the braces now - after a very calm discussion during which DH and I made it clear we would withdraw privileges if necessary but that we really didn't want to do this. Also we agreed to negotiate an incentive (bribery). Actually I think she realised she should wear them but having taken a stance needed us to provide a way for her to back down while not losing too much face IYSWIM. Speech is improving even after only a couple of days so fingers crossed.

It all sounds positive. I bet you're relieved! Hope it all goes well. I can't wait for the whole braces thing to be finished in a few years time.

Thank God for mumsnet!!

DD (11) had her removable braces fitted on Tuesday - they make her gag, drool, she can't speak and they make her teeth hurt. Orthodontist said that to start with she can take them out for eating.

She took them out for most of the day on wednesday at school. They make her produce more saliva which she is having trouble swallowing so she hates wearing them in lessons. Put them back in on wednesday evening.

Wednesday night she had taken them out when I checked on her as I was going to bed. I made her put them back in. When I got her u on thursday morning she had taken them out again. Apparently she wore them for most of thursday.

She didn't have them in when I went to bed last night - made her put them in. She says she left them in all night.

She wore them most of the morning but has now gone out with her friends. As she has trouble speaking (can only grunt) she begged me to let her take them out - which I have.

Does anybody know how long it takes till she stops drooling? I think one she gets past that she will be able to keep them in for longer.

She tells she doesn't care about having crooked teeth and wants to be an individual - I've told her to trust me on this one.

BTW I'm not just being mean for vanity's sake - the gap between her top and bottom teeth is more than 10mm which the orthodontist has told is very large. It is as a result of thumb sucking. I feel so sorry for her that it makes me want to cry.

Hi - I originally posted here but didn't get much traffic so posted also in AIBU where I got much more repsonse. You should be able to find it - I don't know how to link - sorry. We are now several months in to the process and dd is doing well. She didn't seem to have much problem with drooloing but speech was difficult at first. We had lots of tears, tantrums and not wanting to wear them at all which was why I posted. We backed down for a couple of days but said we would have a discussion and then didn't engage at all for a good 2 days. Then, once dh and I had got our story straight we all sat down and dh and I said our piece - basically that yes we would make her as she was too young to decide for herself. By this time I'd had lots of response on MN lots of which I quoted and later showed dd the thread. We also said we were willing to discuss an incentive "thats blackmail" - call it that if you like. We were very calm but made it clear it would happen and that there would be small rewards along the way and a major prize at the end. Since then dd has worn the braces. We agreed she didn't have to wear them to school but she does wear them as much as possible at home and all night. She had a follow up appointment this week and orthodontist is happy with progress so far. Hope all this helps - find the AIBU thread there was lots of useful advice/support on that - thank God for MN indeed. good luck and stick with it

Readsalotgirl - thanks for your reply - glad that your dd is now getting on with her braces. Will have a look on the AIBU thread

I have had a look at the other tread - lots of useful information Could I please ask one question. How long was it before your dd was wearing the braces of her own accord We have had the braces for a week and she is still drooling, can't eat in them and wants to take them out at every opportunity. When I woke her up this morning she didn't have them in. Apparently she woke up about 4 to spit out the saliva in her mouth - took them out to rinse them out and fell asleep!!

Aargh!!!!!

thread - even! Sticky keyboard on laptop - sorry

DDs older she'll be 14 when her brace goes on next month.
Fingers crossed she's sensible.
I confess I left it as long as I dared before asking if her crooked teeth bothered her.
Really wanted it to be her choice, she just wouldn't have cared at 11-12. (DH's teeth are "interesting" he made it quite clear to his mum that he was a boy and he didn't care). As an adult I think he cares a tiny bit, but not much.

Functional appliances need to be worn for the growth spurt, so it 's a case of now or never. It shoul only take a few hours for the excessive saliva flow to stop, but they need to be kept in for the mouth to ge used to them.