Ds (11) clashing with step dad!

[Atwaroverscrabble]

Arghhh ds's hormones have been kicking in for a little while but so far the worse it's been has been gobbyness and back chat...

Dh was known him since he was 6-7 years of age and only has experience of a girl going through puberty (dsd who is 16... And who takes lethargy to the next level!)

Dh can't hack him talking back and reacts on an ott way and threatens to leave frequently!
Arghhh

So you have two adolescents to deal with. I dont envy you. Sorry, I have no advice.

If it wasn't for dd who is 17 months I would kick dh out tbh.... It's driving me nuts and I am sure it'll get worse!

I am sure it will, unless you stop it.
You need to talk to your dp. This is no way to parent a pre teen.
If he threatens to leave, he is giving your son a perfect reason to wind him up, btw. Next time, ask to follow it through.

Yes, it will get worse so unless you want to live through as number of years of being piggy in the middle and risking both your relationships (son and DH) breaking down you need to deal with this now. DH is the adult, he doesn't seem to be acting like one. Your son't behaviour, while a total pita, is totally normal. Your DH needs to accept this and learn strategies to cope when he is feeling frustrated. I would go for professional intervention tbh as presumably you have already tried the "sitting them down and taking about it" approach. Ask your GP if you can have a referral for family therapy, in the meanwhile get as much information as you can get your hands on (the internet is a great place to start) about teenage behavior, conflict and ways to deal with it and get your DH to read it. Good luck.