Nursery Dilemma

[wicks]

DS (aged 3 years 7 months -born Oct 06) currently attends a day nursery for 2 days a week. I normal work 3 days and so he goes to nursery 2 days and my parents come down to London to look after him on the other day (we are VERY lucky!). I'm currently on maternity leave after the birth of DD (10 weeks) but have kept him in nursery for continuity (and rest for me!)

I've got a place for him at the local primary school's nursery starting in September. The reason I'm thinking of sending him there is because I suspect that he will get bored of his day nursery over the course of the next year (he's old in his year and so won't start school till Sept 11 and many of the kids in his nursery room will leave at the end of this summer so he really will be a lot older than a lot of the children).

The place is for mornings only for the first term (from Sept) and then from next January, it moves to full time (ie 9 till 3 ish) for 2 terms before he'll start in reception in September 11 (probably at that school, but obviously not certain).

We are going to look at the school (and particularly the nursery) again this week as it's a couple of years since we first went to visit it. For some reason, I have in my head that it will be more stimulating to be in a school nursery than a daycare setting, even though I know that they follow the same Early Years guidelines. Any thoughts on that?

My dilemma as to whether to move him is all a bit muddled in my head. [Ironically it would have been easier a few months ago as he went through an extended phase of being upset every morning as he arrived at daycare (probably linked to new baby!) but he's happy at the moment.]

One concern re school nursery is whilst in some ways it's good that it moves to full time in January (though not sure how, as I thought it was only 15 hours free childcare - I'll ask!) on the other hand I worry that it would be too much nursery time for him (he'll be 4 years 3 months) and that he's got a whole lifetime (ish!) of attending school hours. I guess though that if he were 6 weeks older, then he'd be starting school hours from this Sept anyway.

Also, I suppose that as we won't be under any obligation to have him attend, I could always keep him off the odd day or 2 here and there. Not sure how much the school will frown on this though at nursery stage. I suspect that they'd be fine with the odd absence eg holidays, going away for long weekends etc, but wouldn't be too happy if eg we said "DS won't be in on Friday afternoons as he has swimming/football/I want to keep him with me!" or something of that ilk.

So, main queries are - any thoughts as to whether school nurseries are likely to be better for an "old in the year" child, and also whether a full time nursery place is likely to be too much for a just over 4 year old, and also whether I can be "flexible" about sending him.

If I do send him to the school nursery, then I will need a nanny to look after DD and pick DS up for 2 days a week when I return to work in January - but that's a whole other area that I'm trying to work out!!

Sorry for the stream of consciousness. Any thoughts/experiences would be much appreciated

DD goes to a school nursery after previously going to a day nursery.

In terms of the nursery being "better" DD's nursery is more structured than her old nursery and (IMO) suits her better. However I think that is down to the individual nurseries and not school nurseries per se. As you say they both follow the EYFS.

DD has gone full time nursery since September when she was 3y7m. the first few weeks were hard (but would have been anyway in a new setting). If your DS is used to 2 full days in a day nursery he may well not find it a big jump. As you say I'd be surprised if you get the whole full time place free (we have to pay a top up).

Our main motivation for moving DD was because we had an older child at the linked school so it was more convenient, plus she was almost guaranteed a place there so we wanted her to have the opportunity to make friends who would be at school with her.

Your main motivation seems to be that you think school nursery will be better for an "older" child? This may be the case (DS stayed at the day nursery until starting school and I did feel at the time that he got a bit bored, but 2 years on I think that actually it did him no harm to have an extra year of relaxed playing.

In your case, I'd think hard about the school nursery as it seems an awkward choice for you in terms of convenience. If your DS stayed at his nursery, would you send the baby there as well? Certainly a much simpler option than the nanny + plus childminder alternative. Also, how would your parents feel about seeing less of your son? Guessing if they put themselves out to help you it is something they really enjoy doing and may be loathe not to be able to.

Again, also can't generalise for all nurseries but our school nursery discourages time off in term time (though as not compulsory can't actively refuse it). Also bear in mind that if you miss too many days you may jeopardise your funding.

Another thought is do you have the option of using a combination of both settings (or less than 5 days at the school nursery)? That might give you extra flexibility.

Thanks redskyatnight. Interesting to hear your perspective as you've gone down both routes in the past.

Yes, I think that our main motivation is that he'll "outgrow" his daycare nursery setting if he's there for another 16 months or so. He'd be 4 years 11 months by the time he left.

You are right though in that it would be more awkward in many ways to send him to the school nursery as I will definitely need a nanny to look after DD and pick him up. If I leave him where he is, then, yes, I will just put her in the daycare nursery too and pick them both up at the same time. Having said that though, that particular issue is something that we'll have to face in Sept 2011 anyway as he will need some after school care (though could possibly go to after school club from age 5, which would only be 6 weeks into reception class in his case).

I'll talk to my parents. Whilst they love spending time with him, I think they were getting a bit tired of the drive down every week (it's a bit more ad hoc now that I'm on maternity leave). Having said that, if we go down the school nursery route, I think they would still be keen to come down to London and spend the time with DD instead (and pick DS up). It would be more awkward for them though as to pick DS up they would have to be at my house (whereas they are generally based elsewhere in London when they are down). I should probably check though, as if not, we'll need a nanny for 3 days rather than 2.

Hopefully going round the school/nursery again later this week will help us make a decision. We actually got him a place originally to start back in January, and declined it (as the timing wouldn't have been right then, with work and then the new baby on the horizon) but I kept on the waiting list in case anything came up further down the line. I hope I don't piss them off if we don't take it! (not that that would have any bearing on school admission).

I don't think that a combination would work sadly, as I don't think that there is flexibility in taking a place for less than 5 days at the school nursery.

Your comment re time off nursery in term time is along the lines of what I suspected. I'm pretty sure that the full time place is free, but I just don't understand on what basis it can be! Lots of questions for the visit this week.

Thanks Cat.

15 hours was what I thought you get free (I know that it was 12.5) - so I really don't know how the 9 - 3.20 day works as that far exceeds 15. It may be that to take the full time (ie school hours) place then there is a top up fee. Or maybe it's something different in Camden LEA.

If we have to pay for it then that might sway me, as we'd have to pay for a nanny too, which will be more expensive than 2 days for 2 children at day care nursery. We are happy to shell out for a nanny if this is what works overall, but I'm not sure it would work for us if we have to pay for a nanny and the nursery place for DS.

Was your DDs preschool group in a school or a day care nursery? If your DC went to nursery for full school hours for a year before reception class, did you have to pay a top up over and above the 12/5 hours?

One other thing for me to look into is how many older kids there will be at DS's current nursery once the school starters leave at the end of the summer. As I said, a lot of his friends will be moving to reception year in school soon (ie are already 4 or will be 4 before the end of August) but I can think of a couple of "oldies" in his year. It might be worth me finding out how many. I just don't want the poor lad to be the only nearly 5 year old amongst a group of just 3 year olds (the pre-school room at his nursery is 3-5 but I think veers towards the bottom end of that age group).

We definitely need to look at the school nursery again this week, but thanks for all the useful pointers on questions to ask etc.

We will probably take DS with us on the tour. Not sure if this is a good idea or not but his reaction might influence his indecisive parents somewhat!