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Preschool education

Get advice from other Mumsnetters to find the best nursery for your child on our Preschool forum.

Original poster

DS hits Nursery worker- major trauma all round

14 replies

Bex22 · 18/05/2010 21:24

My just turned three son has started at our local pre-school just after Easter for two mornings a week. We have had tears before every session and a real change in behaviour at home- he has been very physical in showing affection, clumsy, accident-prone and we have had a lot of accidents at night. Every time I pick him up I have checked how he has got on and have been assured that all has been fine. Then today, was told that when asked to pack up, DS hit nursery worker, pinched and scratched her two for good measure....got him to say sorry there and then, and they gave me the usual spiel about strategies in place etc. etc. Key worker then informed me that there have been a few other incidents- well great...thanks for telling me! I am really wondering whether it would be better to pull him out and start again when he is a little older. He is a talkative, thoughtful and generally typically-behaved little boy, we socialise with a lot of other friends with children the same age, he plays with his younger sister pretty well and plays on his own imaginatively. The question is, is this experience necessary for him or not? As you can imagine, I feel completely mortified on many levels...

OP posts:
Original poster
Bex22 · 18/05/2010 21:25

Can's remember all the acronyms, so it is possible that I have just said that my husband has hit a nursery worker!! Sorry if you have been misled!!!

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CarGirl · 18/05/2010 21:27

Is he used to spending time away with you? If he isn't, perhaps he's not ready for that aspect of pre-school?

If he is perhaps the pre-school isn't very good/too formal/doesn't suit him?

Original poster
Bex22 · 18/05/2010 21:33

Well, I work two days a week but grandparents look after him so it's not like he's been with someone not connected to the family. My friend (with her own DS the same age has looked after him now and then) but I wonder whether he is really struggling with the difference between one to one adult attention and realising that he is a little fish in a big sea...

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CarGirl · 18/05/2010 21:39

quite possibly that is it, it's also different being cared for by someone who has had you from a very young age to being suddenly deposited in a pre-school environment. Plus it will be busy, lots of other children around - more sharing etc?

I think his behaviour is telling you he is struggling with it because he can't verbalise it. I would see if you could take him out and try again in September - possibly at a different one? Ring around and see if there are others that may suit him better?

Original poster
Bex22 · 18/05/2010 21:59

Thanks for the advice. Think I will seriously consider that next week (half-term) if no improvement. As my mum has pointed out, they really only have a very short time in their life being carefree without school and routines etc. but just feel that there is quite a lot of pressure from friends, gov and relatives to send children to pre-school.

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thisisyesterday · 18/05/2010 22:03

i would take him out tbh
if he cries each time before he goes, and if his behaviour at home is suffering too then i would presume that he is finding it tough

it isn't necessary at all, i know several children who started school at 5 having never been to any kind of nursery or playgroup and they have all got on brilliantly

i took my son out of his pre-school that he started just before he turned 3. when he was 3.5 he started asking about it again and we put him back in and he was fine

hellymelly · 18/05/2010 22:07

the experience is not necessary for him at all,I would pull him out,give him another 6m with you and see how you feel then.I have ignored the pre-school pressure (which was much worse in London than it is here in Wild Wales where we have moved)even my five year old is still only doing half days at school.My youngest dd is the same age as your ds and I think she is far too young to be in pre-school.Also once they are in school thats it for another 14 years,why rush it? If you have to thats one thing but if you can keep him at home then do that.Read all the reasearch on nurseries for a start.The stuff I've read is about under threes but your ds is only just at the edge of that.He will develop better at home with you too.I could read and write long before I went to school ( at 3 and 3/4) because my mother taught me.It sounds as though you know its not suiting him and you just need some support.

Original poster
Bex22 · 18/05/2010 22:07

That is my first instinct. He seems so happy at home, and I hate thinking of him being unhappy where he is and not convinced that it is benefiting him in any way, but some friends and relatives I have discussed this with (mother-in law) have been critical of me doing this, implying that DS will miss out or I should give it more time or that I shouldn't let him get own way. Your experience gives me more confidence in this option.

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Original poster
Bex22 · 18/05/2010 22:11

hellymelly, you're right. The thing is, I have had my doubts from Day 1, and my DH agreed with me, but now he is siding a bit more with his mother, and questioning whether taking him out is the right thing. No, I don't have to, I mean it gives me a couple of hours while DD sleeps which is nice, but I can live without this easily if it makes DS back to himself.

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thisisyesterday · 18/05/2010 22:23

he won't miss out at all. children learn a LOT by being around their mothers and other adults. he will be learning social skills from you (amongst many other things) and unless you sit inside the house all day every day I am usre he has plenty of other stimuli and interaction iwth other adults and children

the whole nursery/playgroup thing is fairly recent if you think about it. wasn't that long ago that most children would have stayed home with their parents until they started school

he also needs to know that when he needs you, you are there for him. so I think it's massively important that if he is unhappy you rectify that, and if that means taking him out of nursery then do it!

there is a lot to be said for mother's instinct i think

CarGirl · 19/05/2010 16:15

Even when we were young pre-school/playgroup was only ever a couple of mornings per week right up unto school age. If he's that unhappy it's just not worth it especially when he has more than a year until he starts school!

Original poster
Bex22 · 20/05/2010 09:01

Thanks for all your advice- it's really helped me to make up my mind. I'm off this pm to see pre-school, and tell them that I'm going to withdraw him as I don't feel he's ready for that kind of environment yet.

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hellymelly · 24/05/2010 14:02

I think thats really sensible,there is a big government push towards getting children into pre-school to get mothers back in work,but all the research on children shows that they do better at home when they are small.No one at nursery will give him the kind of attention that you will give him.We have lots of friends in Sweden where they don't start proper school until they are seven and they are hardly a nation of undereducated thickos,quite the opposite in fact!

Original poster
Bex22 · 26/05/2010 15:25

Just an update- have taken DS out of pre-school without making a big issue of it, and he already seems much happier and calmer. Also, straight away the accidents and wet beds stopped- none for a week now!

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