Problems with a parent class helper!

[pippyluck]

My DS who is 4 (5 in October) is a very lively, energetic child who loves just running, jumping, climbing etc he is very physical in life, although he has amazing speech and wants to learn constantly (at the moment he wants to know everything about the weather, including tsunami's and tornado's) but saying that he is hard work and tests me constantly, although he is not rude or physical with me, just wants alot of attention! (im a single mum)

Yet.....in his class is a boy who is just as physical, although he is I feel sneaky, he is the sort of child to poke, bite, hit when no one is looking and gets the other child in trouble because of it, I have witnessed this many times out of school and have been told by other mums that this happens in class also. The mother of this child helps out at least 3 times a week, and it hasnt been until recently that other mums have expressed that they are unhappy about the child in question, ie the mother has on many, many occasions told me (in front of other mother's!!) that my son was naughty in class etc after she did this for the umpteenth time I went to my DS teacher and asked if he was really being this naughty as I was getting worried, also since this mother has been making these remarks my son has been having nightmare's and not sleeping, he was always a 12 hour a night sleeper!!

I told his teacher and they said OK thats not what the mother should be doing, but since then they have not got back to me at all and the mother is still helping in the class, I dont know what to do, as she is still passing comment about my son out of class!! Help!!!

If you're not happy with the way the teacher dealt with it, go to the head. They'll be the best judge of whether the woman's behaviour is inappropriate or not.

Is this a one-class year? I ask because I think it very inappropriate that a mum helps out in the class that her son is in. Surely if a mum helps out then it should be in anther class of the school just to ensure this kind of stuff doesn't happen?

I would go in and speak to the Head of the pre-school and demand some action. It's very unprofessional of them to allow this at all.

I thought that, Pennies, at the time and was commented on also by other parents that it is very innappropriate she is helping in same class as her DS, the same mum helps on another day in the next class up also in the week.
To be really honest, and I could be totally off base, but I feel as though by 'blaming my son/commenting on his 'bad' behaviour' she is detracting attention from her son who also has 'problems' in class also. (again, might be my take on it!!) I will definately take this up with the Head teacher, I had held of doing this so not to cause too much hassle, and really thought this would be dealt with by his teacher!!

We have a confidentiality policy in place and hopefully your school will too. She is breaking confidentiality here. She may over hear information that is sensitive about a child, or witness behaviour that she queries. BUT IT IS NOT HER PLACE TO DISCUSS IT.. I shouted that bit because it makes me so cross.

If the teacher had any concern re your child's behaviour then they would come and talk to you. If not, then it was not considered anything other than children being children. The teacher will decide what to do.

For your own sake and all the other children who are being somewhat betrayed here, speak to the head or chair of governors. Please do this asap.

Her behaviour is totally unacceptable.

I don't necessarily agree that it's inappropriate for parents to help out in their child's class as long as they can be impartial. I have helped out in my child's class on and off for the past 2.5 years and I have never involved myself in what he was doing etc.

Tbh this mother probably would still speak out of class even in other classes, so I would be inclined to speak to the head about it anyway.

thing is, did you make it clear that you wanted a further response? if not, the teacher feels she knows now and has probably 'dealt with it' her own way.

I backed up my 'complaint' with a letter detailing alot of the times the mother has spoken out to me etc and in the letter I asked to be told what action they were going to take ie speak to the mother etc, I know they prob will not tell me exactly what is done but I hoped for some kind of response i suppose.

The thing is I spoke to my DS teacher on Tuesday this last week, and the mother has since helped in the class and also has told me what my son has been 'up to' in class since then, she also did this in front of a whole room of mums at playgroup also!!! This makes me feel as though it has not been dealt with!!

I am going to take all advice and speak to the Headteacher, this will make me feel as though I have been pro-active.

At least I now feel that I had not over-reacted over this and I did the right thing at the time, I am a first time mum so still feel like a novice at times lol

isa this still going on?
did teacher have a word do you know>?

oops, i see yes.

can you be brave enough to speak to themother yourself.
say, it is really up to the staff to point out your child;s shortcomings?

Well the mother has, since I spoke to the teacher, commented on my son's behaviour in class, in front of other people!!
So I have guessed, No, the teacher has not had a word!!!! I just want this to be over to be honest, I have never been a confrontational person, so this is becoming hard to deal with!! I am now hoping once I speak to the Headteacher it will be over and she will stop doing it.

tbh I would be inclined to say "you know, it's really not your business what the children do in class, and as far as I'm aware you are there on a voluntary basis only. If there are issues with my child's behavior, then I'm sure I will be informed by the teacher, but given I have not been informed of any issues I'm assuming that you're just stirring. Now as a parent I'm really not happy that you're discussing my child outside the classroom, so I am going to request that you no longer be permitted to help out, given you clearly are unable to maintain confidentiality."

This particular mother is not very popular with most of the other mums and her son does not get invited around other people's houses (her son has bitten many of the kids at parties and when they have gone to visit his house!)

This mum has invited my son to her home, park etc many times, which I find really confusing as she never says anything poitive or nice about my son when she speaks about him!

So I am loathed to confront her with this.

And yes it definately is up to my DS teacher to point out his short comings, and I think I am a fair mum, I know my DS can be hard work and demanding, but I have never been told he is extremely bad in class, he is told off for being too boistrous and other times for not sitting still ( he likes to do cartwheels at the most inopportune moments!) although have so far had positive comments since last parents evening that he has improved loads (I found my mummy voice which seems to be working lol)

Do what Wannabe said. To the letter.

And tell the Head.

just reread the thread. i am quite a 'nice' person and I feel a bit like its kicking someone when they are down? is there a better way to deal with it than losing her this voluntary job? She's already got stuff to potentially worry her - her ds' behaviour in class, her lack of local friends and her ds' not being invited anywhere. And she keeps asking you round, and you say (as you are entitled to!) no. Maybe she wants to have someone to relate to re: ds behaviour and is rubbishly trying to get closer to you? If you cd try to put yourself in her shoes maybe you could come up with a mutually beneficial result?

Sounds to me like there's a real case of breaking confidentiality policy here. You're within your rights to request a copy of the pre-school confidentiality policy to check what's in place.

You don't say whether it's a school run nursery, or a committee run pre-school?

If it's the former, then I would put something in writing to the headteacher asking for your concerns to be addressed.

If the latter I'd approach the Committee Chair in writing asking for action.

Sometimes in both cases it takes that further intervention to get action taken.

If you're still not happy then there will be support available from the county council early years team.

Good luck with it!

Gawd, I really hate the idea of a confidentiality agreement or the idea that you can never help out in your own child's class in which case I truly wouldn't want to help out at all.

But I guess this situation shows why sometimes those things are necessary .

Asbolutely necessary. Sometimes even at a pre-school level we have situations where confidentiality must be upheld. An incident at a session must not be allowed to become the subject of gossip and a confidentiality policy is the only way to ensure that.

Some of the little people in our care have such tough times that the last thing they need is parents talking about them too.